If you experienced having to walk on eggshells around your partner, how did you have to censor yourself?

6 comments

1. The only time I think that is acceptable is during mourning, illness, or something along those lines. I refuse to allow that sort of behavior just for irritation, anger or frustration. Step away, calm yourselves down, and come back to resolve the problem then go back to being a united front.

   That said, I give them space and time. I keep opinions, small talk, and vents to zero and ask them if they need anything on occasion and let them know (verbally) that I’m giving them space and to come to me when they are ready.

2. I couldn’t be sad or tired, because he’d take it personally and blow up at me about how I find him sooooo boring. I couldn’t make certain jokes, like one time he was asking about Queen Mary or something, like who was she. And I said “oh, she was some chick called Mary! She was queen for a bit”, obviously fucking around, and not exactly at his expense. He didn’t talk to me for the rest of the day. So I absolutely couldn’t make jokes at his expense, which was a learning curve, because gentle teasing is really common in my family, and I’d never had to think about it before. I had to be competent, but if I was better at stuff than him, he’d sulk or throw a tantrum.

   I also just had to be really careful about what I could tell him, that wouldn’t later be used as ammunition against me. Couldn’t be honest about my mental health, couldn’t be honest about who I was hanging out with (eg: a friend and her boyfriend, he’d assume I was lying about the guy dating my friend, and that I was fucking any guy I’d spent more than 2 minutes with, so it was easier to just tell him I only ever saw women), couldn’t tell him if I’d had an argument with my mum, because then it was “oh, so THAT’S where you get it from”, etc etc.

   It was basically everything. I had to overthink everything I was going to say.

3. Dump him

4. I censored myself right out of the relationship and into a divorce. No one should have to live that way.

5. Leave

6. My partner is currently very depressed. I have to hold in some comments because I know it will make him feel worse. I need to hold in comments about our future because he gets anxious or about chores because then he’ll think he has dissapointed me.