In need of some wisdom.
I met her on a dating app. She is a church-going, sociable woman and I sincerely felt that she is the one. I am agnostic but the difference in religions is not an issue, nor is her outgoing personality versus my guarded self. We went on 5 dates over the last month.
The only sticking point is this. Eventhough she has shown multiple signs that she is interested in me, she is not ready to be in a relationship. I could tell that she needs time, so instead of texting her constantly, I chose to give her some space. We only meet like every 10 days in average cause of her tight schedule and friends, and most of the time, we stayed in touch through text. Lately though, it does seem to taper off bit by bit.
We both agreed that the most mature way of communicating is always face to face, instead of texting. We have no problems talking about our fears, our worries and our potential future together. Her worries led her to ask several inside her circle and each time, she felt even more confused. We also agreed that it should be up to the both of us to explore our feelings, but I could tell that she is still undecided about me.
I am making the effort the best as I could, as I really feel she is the one and we always click every time we meet, but I have niggling thoughts whether if I am a priority for her. Or maybe I am just overthinking? In need of some perspectives now.
TLDR, I am in love with her but she is undecided to take it further, even after 5 dates.
9 comments
If she is not into you as much as you are into her, it is generally best just to walk away. You should never feel like you have to suck up to a girl for her to like you.
Declaring you’re in love after knowing someone a month is *really* fast, especially in your 30s.
It’s normal and healthy to be unsure of whether or not you want to be in a committed relationship with someone after a handful of dates. You barely know one another.
You’re infatuated with this person and that’s clouding your judgment. You should let the relationship develop at her pace. If you push harder you’re going to come on too strong which is a red flag and likely to turn her off.
She sounds perfect. You sound rational and respectful. Exploring feelings sounds boring though. Did you try bowing down and professing your love for her? If I was her, I’d be waiting for that
Even if the difference in religion isn’t a problem now, it will be in the future. It always is. There will be hard choices in the future that she will rely on her religion to help her make and those choices will conflict with yours because you are using logic and she is using the Bible. They clash.
You’re not a priority to her. She doesn’t want to be in a relationship. She doesn’t know how she feels about you. But you think she is the one? The one would know how they felt about you and Make you a priority. She’s stringing you along until she finds the one.
Edit- spelling
Better walk away now Jimmy
Only you can decide when you have waited long enough for her to decide. If you really think she is the one, and it’s not causing you too much emotional pain to wait, it’s probably worth giving it a bit more time – not everyone falls into relationships easily or quickly, especially if they are religious. Of course, it does also depend on what her worries are exactly, which you haven’t said, and that makes it more difficult to decide whether it is a lost cause or not.
If you’re still in this position a month from now, on the other hand, probably time to step aside at that point.
Yeah, she’s just not as into you as you are her.
The situation sounds a lot like the one I’m in. A guy I like a lot fell for me pretty hard. I realized I wasn’t ready for a relationship. And now I can’t go back even though I still like talking to him, because of some red flags I feel I can’t ignore. :/
I think there’s nothing wrong with feeling it out more. It’s possible you could be over thinking it, but it may also be possible that she just isn’t emotionally available *for you*. The best way to figure this out is to communicate clearly with her; if you haven’t already, tell her how you feel, and don’t be afraid to communicate your needs and feelings, and get to know hers. Really make it known to her what your intentions are, without coming across as pushy or desperate.
It’s still early on and she may turn around eventually, but if she continues to pull away or loosely string you along, it’s probably best to cut your losses and walk away. You deserve to be with someone who is enthusiastic about seeing and being with you!