How much do you care about personal space?

22 comments

1. We’re not touchy-feely *at all* but we don’t have as big “personal space bubbles” as I’ve noticed in some places – America and Germany both stood out for me in that regard. So, we stand fairly close to each other in conversation, but make quite an effort not to touch each other (and both automatically say “sorry” if our hands so much as brush past, whoever’s fault it is). A lot of places in the UK are quite crowded, so that might be the reason?

2. People care a lot about personal space. In buses, it is looked down upon to sit down besides a stranger if there are two other seats available somewhere else. People tend to stand a meter apart in queues and such. During COVID when we had the 1-meter rule, I didn’t see that much of a change in personal space. It is also quite rare for someone to say anything to you in a grocery store, while waiting at the bus stop, in the waiting room at the doctor, unless they know you. It is mainly about not wanting to bother other people from A to B. It isn’t due to distrust or unfriendliness. As for family and friends, some people are more touchy than others, but most peopleare not that touchy. Hugs is most common when people haven’t seen each other for a long time, are leaving for a long time or as a big thanks for something. I both like and dislike all of this. On the one hand I find it nice to be able to go out without having to interact with strangers, but on the other hand it can feel a bit isolating.

3. When generalizing we’re definitely more on the side of personal space. If there are other seats available it’s seen as weird to sit next to someone on a train for example. Also just striking up conversations is something that is often seen as strange behaviour somehow (although that depends on the situation!).

   Do I wish it to be different? Yes, kind of. I love my personal space and I really do need it. I also like that it’s a quiet society in general. What I don’t like is how closed off people are sometimes. If every human interaction is met with suspiciousness it’s hard for a lot of people to not feel alone sometimes.

   Side note:
   Regarding US-americans, OP, they’re not that touchy-feely in my experience. But in general you guys seem to be quite loud and willing to randomly strike up conversations.

4. Not much in a public context. Brushing past on a busy street is pretty common and I’m used to crowds so it doesn’t bother me at all. I don’t assume this of others though. I’ll avoid getting close enough to make physical contact whenever possible just out of politeness.

5. I can pretty much vouch for what /u/avopasia said in regards to Norway, it is very true for Sweden as well. We care very much about personal space and not bothering those around us, the only reason you’d step close is if you’re in a very loud environment and can’t hear the other person. There’s a certain order in which we occupy seats on public transport (diagonally across from someone first, if that’s not possible we sit across from them, and as a last resort sitting next to them), with many people opting to stand rather than sit next to someone. We were socially distanced before Covid, and nothing has changed after, haha.

   I don’t wish it was different. I assume it’s a matter of habit and what I’m used to, but it makes me very uneasy when people invade my “bubble”

   edit: spelling error

6. We don’t really have a concept of personal space here, other than not being in physical contact with people you haven’t been introduced to, unless there’s no space (ie brushing against people on a crowded street).

   Like, there’s only one person sitting in a waiting room? Sit next to them and try to strike a conversation.
   Just met this funny guy at a bar? Hand on the shoulder, pats on the back.
   You’re being introduced to a girl in an informal setting? Hand on her back/shoulder, two kisses on the cheeks (not really kisses, that cheek-on-cheek thing).
   You’re sitting in a terrace next to said girl, and she gets up to say hello to someone she knows and you end up with her boob on your face? Perfectly normal, doesn’t mean anything at all.

7. One of the worst things in that regard is arriving at LAX, waiting in the queue for immigration and having chinese people behind you that don’t seem to have any boundaries at all.

   All in all I haven’t noticed much difference between Austrians in people from the US regarding personal space if we are talking purely about the distance you keep to others. But we are much less outgoing and don’t like to talk to strangers as much.

8. It depends. In public especially on the train or on the bus people usually avoid sitting in four-seat configurations if there’s already somebody sitting there, at least where I live. They go out of their way to be as spread out as possible. If there’s no other place left then they’ll pick that. I do it subconsciously too. If it’s a stranger I want them to back off and I keep my distance in return.

   Usually though with friends we’re pretty touchy-feely. I kiss and hug both my male and female friends whenever we see each other. Especially my male friends will put an arm around my shoulder or feel me up when they’re talking to me. I’m a gay guy but it doesn’t bother me, quite the opposite in fact. I like that kind of human contact so whenever they coddle me I’m on cloud nine.

   I had a friend who was uncomfortable with hugs and physical touch in general but oddly enough everybody respected their boundaries.

9. Depends on the situation, but even more on the *generation*.

   If you’re hopping on a bus and there are other options than to sit next to someone, most people will take them. But in many other scenarios, like a doctor’s office or in line at the store, people will sometimes sit way too close for comfort.

   Especially old people, they’ll almost breathe on your neck. In any situation that involves multiple people near each other, they’re always in the biggest rush out of all of them for some reason.

10. Many people in norway put something (often av bag or rucksack) on the seat next to them on the bus or train in order to not have people too close / signal that the seat is not free … Or the other “tactic”.. siting by the aisle.. keeping the window seat empty.. hoping that nobody would bother to ask someone to get passage to that empty seat (think that sollution is more “old-persons-way”).. Many norwegian don’t like that hazle and rather stand or find another seat..

    Norwegians like personal space.. assumes is connected with being one of europes largest country in area.. while having quite small population.. People are used to having space.. Even in the big cities.. Classical stuff you would feel as a norwegian tourist abroad.. Feeling people being everywhere all around you, while being used to your personal space at home..

    Even at home.. with that much personal space.. there are probably world record in quarels with neighbours…

11. There are two extremes from what I see. Some care a lot about personal space, on the level of nordic countries – usually it’s the dwellers of large and crowded cities. Some don’t even know what personal space means – people from villages and small towns, especially from the southern regions.

12. We are very strict about our personal space and overall very quiet and shy.

    Quite funny thing i’ve noticed is that Ukrainian refugees are easy to identify in public spaces because they are the only ones who talk out loud with each other.

13. Dutch people do care quite a bit about their personal space.

    Whenever I go with public transport most people will have headphones or earbuds or just talking to their friends/relatives and not really paying attention to anyone else around them.

    People also generally won’t sit next to each other on the bus if there are other seats available to them.

    Within families however we do have the tradition of giving 3 kisses on the cheek during birthdays or other events.

14. You have to watch some experiments where they put people from different cultures in a room and speed the recording camera. The Japanese guy looked like he was chasing up the American around the room. The Japanese would never touch but their personal space is much smaller… otherwise they’ll run out of space.

    I’m quite a not-touching person but I realized my personal space is also smaller when I first interacted with Northern Europeans.

15. Personally I really dislike when people are close to me, but I think most Croatians are fine with it.. If there’s no way for me to not sit next to someone on the bus, I’ll usually just walk instead lol.

16. I’m autistic, so a lot. I don’t like to touch strangers at all, especially when sitting in PT and rubbing elbows with someone crossing over to my chair.

    When not forced into a small space, I prefer at least arm’s length in lost circumstances, because I’m short and it’s uncomfortable to look up at tall people during a conversation when they’re too close and fuck me, they all want to stand less than a foot apart. I don’t know if it is a subconscious dominance thing or they’re just completely unaware and uncaring, but tall people really struggle with respecting personal space of short people. Short people never do this. I have never had to tell a short person they’re creeping up my bubble. I had to hint it or flat out say it to way too many tall people.

    For the general population, it varies a lot. There’s no consensus at all and unwritten and unclear rules about personal space are regularly violated.

17. Ideally, the available space would be equally divided between every person in an area. Means if you have 2 people on a football field, its OK if they are on separate halves. If you have 200 people in a bus, it’s OK to stand right next to someone. Basically, if you have space, be sure to use it. If there isn’t much space, we presume you don’t stand within my personal space out of your own free will so it’s fine.

18. In Poland talking to strangers and touching random folks is not a thing but as for the size of personal bubble it is not that big. In lines people stand a half meter from each other, in public transport people obviously choose empty double-seats when possible but that has to do more with convinience of getting off without the need for asking others to move away but even when seats free up during the ride people stay where they were, not spreading out. I think this may be a collectivist tendency in the society that is stronger than in say the Nordics, people here do not feel like they own the air around them nor do the recognize your claim to that air.

    I personally have a small-ish bubble so if you’re not touchin me and looking the other way we can sit shoulder to shoulder no problem. I’m more concerned about peace and quiet than space around me.

19. It’s double for me. I love the atmosphere when there are lots of people around, and it makes our infrastructure possible (like bike paths everywhere, supermarkets on every corner) but sometimes I wish I could get away. There is almost no place in the NL where you could throw a party and other people not be bothered by it. Everything you do you have to take other people into account.

20. I think people here are mindful of personal space, but at the same time it’s not the end of the world if someone sits next to you or strikes up conversation when you’re both waiting in line. Older generations generally give less of af, which I sometimes admire.

    Also, one thing I see mentioned a lot is how freaked out some people from other countries are about men-women and women-women greetings being done via a kiss on the cheek, but I personally find that a lot less intimate and invasive than a hug. It’s a peck that often lasts less than a second, whereas I’ve had to engage in some hugs that lasted uncomfortably long with people I don’t really know. This is in informal situations by the way, because in formal ones handshakes tend to be common.

21. I’d say it depends on the area you’re living in.

    Munich? Stay out of my personal space, as long as it is feasible to do so. (kinda hard if you’re in an overfilled bus).

    Some random town in Lower Bavaria? We may witness the first successful attempt at cold fusion in some Edeka store.

22. I like having my personal space for sure. I was surprised when first time in continental Europe, people would ask to share my table in crowded casual cafes if I/we had extra room

    My travels in Southeast Asia introduced me to several cultures where there seems to be little to no concept of personal space…particularly The Philippines and Indonesia