Preserves: usually has big chunks or whole pieces of fruit

Jam: usually has smaller, and usually mashed pieces of fruit

Jelly: completely smooth

37 comments

  1. I’m going Switzerland here, I have no dog in the fight and don’t really care who comes out on top since the only thing I want on edibles is butter.

  2. I will dip every one of my bullets in jam so the jelly heathens finally experience bliss millisecond before they buy the farm.

  4. I guess preserves because that’s what my mother in law sends by the boxfull regardless of how many fucking jars we already have on the shelves. When the soldiers come asking what side we’re on I won’t be able to deny it.

  8. I’m on Team Jam, but happy to form an alliance with Team Jelly to take down those Preserve sickos. Who wants to take a bite of a whole mushy strawberry? NOT IN MY AMERICA!

  11. Team Jam. Small enough bits to still spread easily, but has some real fruit texture, unlike jelly.

  12. Autarky, if I’m eating fruit then its either the whole fruit, juice from the fruit, or booze made from the fruit. Anybody who steps on my property with their jelly vs jam bullshit shit is going to have someone else raise their children.

  13. As someone who’s not a fan of either, I guess I’ll be a neutral party.

  19. My goal would be to unite all three into a mighty empire, it’ll be greater than the Roman empire, I just need to come up with a flag🤔

  20. I’m going to have to work towards an alliance of jam and preserves against jelly. Marmalade can be our special forces.

  24. Jam. Preserves is for old people and only psychopaths and the British prefer jelly

  29. I guess I’m becoming a triple agent in this conflict because I like them all lmao. I will accept my secret spy payments in Cracker Barrel biscuits.

  31. What about those who have literally zero preference. Can i just sit on the sidelines and provide arms?

  32. Look, I’m going to be fighting for team Jam, but I’m also going to weed out my own lines for any margarine followers. The new era of breakfasts have no place for them.

  33. I’m gonna do a Benjamin Martin, and support all sides. Jelly spreads easier, Jam taste better and Preserves are more filling and multipurpose.

  36. None.

    I will pledge allegiance to jelly, but it will all be a farce. A farce, I say!

    I will work to create an underground resistance in the name of peanut butter, and when The Great Preserve War has ended, the Peanut Butter Battallions will rise up and seize control.

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