TL;DR – my ex was basically emotionally cheating on me so I broke up with him. the month following he would try to reach out to me asking to talk and he seemed genuinely confused about what he did but I never responded. should I send him one final text (it’s been about a month n a half) just to thoroughly re-explain everything? it kind of irritates me that there’s the possibility that he broke my heart but genuinely doesn’t see what he did.
my ex was seeing this girl everyday even though I told him I was uncomfortable with it, so I broke up with him. the weeks following he blew up my phone trying to get me to talk to him and saying how he didn’t understand why I broke up with him and why we ended so abruptly. it’s been about two weeks since his last text and I’ve been no contact w him for about a month n a half. I feel kinda morally bad (I did love him at one point, and maybe part of me still does so that’s why I feel this way) that I didn’t send him any final text beyond breaking up with him. I’m wondering if I should send this to him now:
“hi *name*. idk why but a part of me felt guilty for not sending u one final long text. u don’t deserve it tbh but I felt like I should anyway. the texts u sent me the month after our breakup make it seem like u genuinely don’t understand why I broke up w u. n idk if that’s u being in denial n being unable to acknowledge that what u did was wrong, if u were trying to gaslight me somehow, or if ure just an emotionally unaware dumbass. regardless I’ll re-explain everything again just in case bc truthfully, it’s frustrating for me that there’s a possibility that u fucked up so horrendously bad n u don’t know why or how. to start off, I didn’t want to break up w u. it wasn’t something I had planning or was eager to do like how u made it seem. I loved u. u know that. but u were disregarding me n hurting me without any care for how u were making me feel. plus when it came down to it n i asked u to validate my feelings, u told me that u weren’t going to choose my feelings if it meant u had to stop hanging out with her. u chose seeing another girl over me. staying in a relationship where another girl is prioritized over me would not be respecting myself. I broke up w u bc i have basic self-respect. I know u don’t see what u did as wrong, but it was. u saw her everyday. u saw her without telling me, before and after u knew I was uncomfortable w it. u were seeing her regularly before I even knew abt her. n even after u told me about her, u still weren’t openly honest abt every time u saw her or were with her. that is cheating. it doesn’t matter if u never touched her. it doesn’t matter if u never flirted with her. what u did was cheating. u cheated on me. n I told u that if u ever did anything like that to break my trust that u would lose me. every time u saw her without telling me or saw her while knowing I would potentially be upset abt it, u were choosing to potentially lose me *name*. our breakup was not abrupt. I don’t know what it is that u expected in acting the way that u did, but me breaking up with u was the only logical response. I hope that ure able to comprehend this text n understand why things played out the way they did. this is my attempt at giving u closure, bc even though u did me wrong I still loved u at one point. n I have to live w that. I rlly do wish u well n I hope u actually take time to reflect on the things that went wrong w us. our problems started long before u started cheating, n I see that now. n ik not all them were ur fault, so I see where I went wrong in some aspects too. I meant it when I said that u were my first love n I’ll never be able to forget u, but I realize now that it’s not bc I’ll always love u, but bc our relationship taught me sm abt what love shouldnt feel like n what boundaries should be placed. thank u for that, genuinely. I know my tone may came off as aggressive at points in this text but just know none of it is meant to be. this is just me trying to thoroughly communicate w u since this will probably be the last time I ever reach out to u. I wish u well *name*. thank u for the memories n everything”
3 comments
EH.
While I do have questions (like, was this a female friend he had before you and were you asking for him to choose a relationship over friendship? did you two agree on a compromise that he broke?), overall, I agree what he did was shitty. He shouldn’t have been hiding it.
I hesitate to agree that it was an emotional affair since he didn’t say it was, though I acknowledge he may not have even been aware it was a thing.
He doesn’t deserve the text.
From a professional point of view, if you do send it, leave out the swearing. While you are valid in using those words, and he deserves them, if that text gets shown around it may damage your rep (which, who really cares, but if you do then you should take out the swear word).
I’m sorry that happened. Please don’t let this get in the way of your trust with future partners who may have female friends. Please don’t give him another chance unless you two can figure out a compromise AND he stops lying to you.
I’d say, block him. Take some space.
eh imo he doesnt deserve the closure
No, don’t send the text. If he doesn’t agree with you that what he did was wrong, one more text saying what you’ve already told him again isn’t going to make any difference. All it has any chance of doing is setting back your own progress in moving on by opening up the door for him to start contacting you again.