My gf(f28) won’t even talk to me (m24) for being too sensitive

Hey Reddit,

TLDR: My gf says hurtful things and now is accusing me of being too sensitive, I have moved wit her across the country and now she is saying she wants me to move out

I’ve never posted but I’ve surfed for a while. I (m24) am having a hard time with my girlfriend (f28) right now. We recently moved cities together to be closer to her family which was definitely a sacrifice for me but I wanted to follow her because I love her. We have been together for almost a year and have had quite a rocky relationship since the start. I’ve always had an issue with the way she talks to me which I believe comes from her past but I have wondered for a long time if she might be emotionally abusive.

I have fucked up in the past by looking up girls I knew personally on Instagram which has been an issue since. I never engaged with them but I was definitely creeping on their profiles. That being said, I thought she was emotionally insensitive( or even abusive) before that. I sometimes wonder even if I started looking elsewhere because I was no longer as invested in the relationship. I’m not sure if I am just really sensitive (which I am) or if she is just too harsh. She has belittled me, my family and my other relationships but while I do feel she can be super mean, I still love her.

The age difference has also brought up many issues. I am still finishing university and am figuring out how to be an adult (with little to no money). She knew that moving was going to be financially difficult for me but I promised her I wouldn’t depend on her. She recently said she feels like my caregiver even though I contribute what I can. She makes a lot more money than I do because she is a nurse, and I still don’t have my degree. I am also supposed to go away on exchange in the fall which she was originally planning on joining but now she feels like she needs to prioritize her career.

The most recent fight has left her not even talking to me even after I have apologized with flowers. What happened was that we went to her family’s cottage over fathers day weekend (important note is that this is especially hard for her because her dad passed away 6 years ago). I packed much of the stuff while she was out with her friend and at the gym which made me a little mad. We were going up with just her mom so I packed much of the food from the fridge and cupboard that I felt needed to be eaten. I packed a snack bag with many of the remaining snacks we had, not really thinking about how much was in each. The whole weekend I felt she was making snarky remarks (saying obviously, saying my questions were stupid) but once we were packing up the weekend, she made a snarky remark in front of her mom that I had packed our scraps.

This made me annoyed and I did what I normally do and shut down, I get really quiet when I am upset which she normally has to realize to resolve the issue. I know it’s dumb but I also don’t know what to do sometimes because the issues can be really small but still upsets me. They often always stem from the way she says things to me and when I get quiet she gets even more aggressive. I was annoyed about the food thing and she asked me what was wrong. I told her that I felt it was insensitive and that I packed the snacks to have variety and to save some money. She said, “that is something I would have done in my past but now I find it embarrassing”. I could agree with that if we were visiting friends or someone other than just her mom. I felt even more hurt that she called my actions embarrassing and I fell silent again.

Later on in the car ride, she brought it up again and I told her the way I was feeling. She got really angry with me saying that I always turn everything into a problem. She threw my wallet, which wasn’t the first time she got physical out of frustration. I put in my headphones after that because I needed some time. I saw that she began crying so I tried to comfort her by saying I knew the day was really difficult but I just didn’t appreciate her talking to me like that in front of her mom. Somehow the fight got on to the girls I had looked up in January and she said I get mad about stupid things even though I had hurt her then. I didn’t really engage but she continued on to say she wants me to move out. This means I will have to move back across the country to where I have family. I asked her if this is something she felt in the moment or if she really meant it and I should start making arrangements. She didn’t respond so I put back in my headphones to do some work and to cool off.

The car ride was silent for like 3 hours and we didn’t talk much when we got home. I wasn’t that hurt by the snack thing but more about what she had said in the following fight. She went for a walk and when I was at home I realized I shouldn’t have brought up something so stupid on father’s day. I went to the store and bought her flowers and when she got home I apologized for being so sensitive and explained that I don’t know why it happens but I just get upset easily. She didn’t accept the flowers so I asked her if she still wanted me to move out. She said I was being self-serving by creating an ultimatum but I just need to know for my own peace of mind. I asked her what she needed from me and she said she just doesn’t want to talk to me. Today is day two of the cold shoulder and I am not sure what to do. I know I fucked up by not giving her more of a break on fathers day but I also feel like she never understands that what she says hurts me. I truly thought she might also extend the apology for saying all of the shitty things she did say while yelling at me in the car but she hasn’t. I’m in a really hard scenario because I feel like I didn’t even do anything that awful compared to the things she said. Like sure it was minor and I could have overlooked it on fathers day but it still upset me.

Our fights have happened more often and have been getting worse. I feel like the relationship might be done but I also want to hold on. Our physical intimacy has been lacking which I though could have been from the amount of time we have spent together since we were driving across the country and moving in but I worry it is a sign of something much larger.

I’m sorry this post has been a ramble but I think it helped just voicing it and writing it out. There is a lot that wasn’t included but I just want some advice on what to do in the situation. Should I give her time or should I just start preparing to move? Thanks for your help and I appreciate you would have even read this far through my shitty writing