We’ve been married 8 years and he’s had at least 2 years of unemployment or earning very little on commissions. He says certain aspects of his job(s) affect him negatively such as rejection, etc. We recently moved to a completely different place and he had a depressive episode almost as soon as we got here. He wouldn’t leave the house, sleep all day, or even play video games for hours. I’ve been supportive, given him space, expressed my worries for him, for our family, etc. Ive expressed the issues his action in the interim of getting a full time job. I’ve explained over and over my feelings and frustrations, in a manner that is respectful of his feelings. I can understand the depression and the issues, but what bothers me is that I asked him to do small gigs like ride-sharing apps like Uber, Lyft, but he only went a couple of times and i even accompanied him. However, he could easily play video games. I feel like he consciously chose to do that regardless of his depression. He finally got a job and I’m still stressed about finances because he put us so far behind on basic bills. I snapped today because he didn’t even know when our child’s daycare tuition was due. I told him that he should see how out of touch he was with everything and how much pressure I’ve had trying to manage bills. He became defensive and said if I need help then I need to ask for it. I understand I need to communicate things, but he was so unavailable for the past 9ish months and wouldn’t listen to my feelings and now it’s my fault? He yelled that he couldn’t work those months because he couldn’t. He was like a deer in headlights, paralyses by his depression.
During these months, I had even encouraged him to see a psychiatrist. He did, but I feel like he lied to him because the psychiatrist chose not to give him medicine and just told him to get basic blood work done. I have encouraged him countless times to go to therapy. But I can’t anymore. Im mentally exhausted. I feel resentful of all of the consequences that we’re all feeling due to his depression. He’s been putting all of his feelings, frustrations, issues, etc. under the rug or not communicating them with me once they start so we can tackle them together. It’s been 8 years and he doesn’t change or communicate and I don’t think I can do this anymore. I also suffer from depression, but I went to therapy and take medication. I just feel like this is headed for a divorce. But I also feel like a horrible person for feeling like this and having this reaction to his mental health issues.
Any advice on how to handle this is appreciated.
tl/dr: I can’t support my husband during his depressive episodes anymore. I think we’re headed to a divorce.