I wrote here before about how my husband refuses to reciprocate in bed and it got a lot of traction, asking if I’m wrong to reject bad sex, then I deleted it because I was embarrassed. Well I’m here about a month later with a weird update.
Backstory, we are mid 20s and only been married for 2.5 years. At the beginning I had a high libido and was constantly rejected. I got on birth control to lower my sex drive and it decreased significantly. Even when we did “have sex” my husband will only do one position/style and he only wants handjobs without touching me or talking to me. He only wants me to jerk him off and say degrading things to him but unlike most “subs” who want to please their “mistress” he only wants the pleasure to be focused on him. This is the only thing he enjoys and he won’t discuss anything else.
After many tearful convos I made him a very detailed list of what I would like, which includes foreplay and I would like to work on him making me finish, which is something he has never tried. I told him I want my needs met or we won’t have sex.
Well I caved and 3 more times I gave him what he wanted because I felt like I owed him.
Tonight he asked for the usual and I said no, because you haven’t been listening to what I ask at all.
Then he offered to pay me to do what he wants.
My heart broke a little and I realized he really did see this transactionally and I’m basically just a free sex worker to him.
I said no of course and I literally told him to see a real domme and spend his money on that and he said no.
My list of wants wasn’t even hard it was just stuff like “tell me I look pretty without me asking” and “touch me occasionally”
FML
27 comments
Wow thats crazy. I can see why your posting here about this situation. Im curious was it always thus way with the sex relationship or just started? It really seems like from your situation he just wants his pleasure only and doesn’t care about yours
Just the part about lowering libido on purpose for him just scream that is not healthy marriage at all. I am sorry but you married the wrong guy. Run away, sooner the better.
I wish you all the best
What the actual fuck.
(Sorry, I don’t really have much anything constructive to say here…)
You say “unlike most subs” but if you delve into the femdom subreddits this comes up A LOT. These men love the fantasy of “serving” but only in the way it suits them, and who cares if their mistress gets off or not. Feeling like a ‘kink dispenser’ is something that gets tossed around a lot, so you’re definitely not alone.
I’m sorry that I have no advice for you though. I think any change would be hard to come by – I mean in his eyes the sex is perfect, so why would he bother… He has no interest in saving your sex life. Personally, I’m not sure I could come back from the offer of trying to pay you. How absolutely disrespectful and disgusting. Does he even like you? Have ANY love or respect for his wife?
Definitely couples counselling if you want to save it, he obviously won’t listen or take what you say seriously. Time for a 3rd party to try and break through to him, and hopefully show him how close to the edge you are with this
>At the beginning I had a high libido and was constantly rejected.
And you decided to marry him???
Please tell me this issue of reciprocation is a recent development. Or maybe there are other details you haven’t mentioned? Cos otherwise, big yikes
>I’m basically just a free sex worker to him.
Not “basically just”, you *are* a free sex worker for him
What do you even get out of this relationship?
Divorce. He wants a fleshlight, not a wife, and his lack of care for you and offering to pay you, says he legitimately does not care at all about your pleasure, satisfaction etc.
Please, I am begging you, divorce him. Do not let this be the rest of your life.
Why not accept? If he wants the wife experience and have you on revtenue 7/7, at a rate of let’s say 150$ an hour, which means 3600$ a day, which is 100k$ a month, I would say its worth it to get paid for services to him you did for free.
Parallel to that you start divorce procedure and you get out of this awful marriage with a bit extra money.
No in all seriousness, it’s horrific, it’s the tree that hide a forest of contempt and future abuse, and as hard as it can be to realise you married someone like this, I don’t see a way to solve it except divorcing. But expect it to be ugly because he has 0 love nor respect for you.
make him pay you lots of money and leave him. he’s absolutely out of his mind. he doesn’t deserve to be your husband.
I am sorry OP. You deserve so much better.
This is the sort of things you need to work out before tying the knot imho. If you’re happy in the rest of your marriage you could opt for ENM and get fulfilled elsewhere, otherwise I wouldn’t recommend staying in such a situation. Best of luck to you
ur deciding to be w an asshole.just divorce
Just move on live your life
Double down on the domme part.
“I demand you get on your knees give me positive affirmations RIGHT NOW… and also make me orgasm”
girl wtf, have some respect for yourself and bounce
Create boundaries in your life.
Respect yourself so that when other’s don’t you won’t tolerate it.
Comfort is like digging a shovel for your own grave.
Start to live for your own reality.
Explain why we signed up for this for the rest of your life?
A last resort, alternate his night of pleasure, then your night of pleasure. If he doesn’t want to do you then skip his night
So, when is the divorce getting finalized?
how tf did you even get to the point of marriage with someone so incompatible?
I hate to be this person on Reddit, but you should really consider ending the relationship. Especially before you have children. I married a man who pretended to be someone he wasn’t. After we were married and his behaviors changed, I held out hope that things would get better because I knew what he was capable of, but things never got better. They only got worse. I wasted 8 years of my life with this person and had 2 children with him that he doesn’t see or support.
He’s showing you who he is right now. Please believe him.
Weren’t there any red flags before you got married? It sounds like he has no regard for you nor respect.
He doesn’t see you as a woman he loves. He sees you as an object to satisfy him. I’m really sorry, but I think you need to get out.
I’m all for therapy and working through things – but honey you HAVE TO KNOW this is not healthy on any level. Please go! Don’t waste another day!
Don’t get stuck. Leave. Your unbelievably young to be hung up on one person who thinks so little of you. Take it from someone who’s experienced this. You may think it’s worth the wait and that they will change. They won’t. Nit with that update. Make plans and Leave. It will hurt at 1st but you will realize in time you are happier alone. The you will find real love.
Sorry but it doesn’t sound like you have an actual marriage. I mean everyone is different and there’s somebody for everybody, but it doesn’t sound like you’re enjoying your marriage.
You’re only 2 years in and are lowering your libido….this sounds awful. You should still be in a somewhat honeymoon phase imo. I’m not one to instantly say bail, but I don’t see this situation working out.
Nothing to see here . Move on . Find a nice person 😌 ☺ 😊 who you are excited to be with
That’s disgusting and he needs to be ditched asap. This person is not paying attention to a very basic human need. This person does not love you. You deserve better than that and don’t settle for this. The marriage is only 2.5 years in and it is 2.5 years too long.