Yeah, I know it sounds so stupid.
Background info is that I grew up in a fundamentalist cult I left a year ago and got straight to experiencing everything I hadn’t been able to before. Dating (this was the first guy I ever dated) and sex. What happened with this guy was exactly a year ago.
Liked this guy from work very much and I dated him for a few months / lost my virginity to him. Turned out I was just a rebound to him and the whole thing was pretty horrible because one day we were talking about taking a vacation to Mexico together in a couple months, 2 days later he was ghosting me and 5 days later we bumped into each other in town and he told me he was talking to his ex again, that we should remain friends just without affection, then blocked my number. 2 months later they were married 🥴 they now have a baby.
It felt like the end of the world at the time, but I emotionally moved on from him pretty quick. Although that whole situation fucked up my self esteem for a while I’m doing really good these days.
I still see him around town a lot, as we live in a super small town and he works at a restaurant I go to with friends. I simply don’t talk to him or look at him and now realize this unstable man (who happened to be super shitty to me) I have nothing in common with did me a favor by cutting me off the way he did – now I am free to date a man who actually loves me and I am compatible with. I know I just dated him because he took interest in me while I was being shunned by all of my friends and family and I was so lonely.
Anyway, late last night he messaged me “hey how are you” on Facebook. I know the wise thing is to not reply out of self respect, but ahhhh! I’m curious. I’m wondering if to others it is more obvious what it could be for – well-intentioned? Not at all? An apology? Just wants to talk again? Heard about certain good news in my life and wants to say congratulations? Maybe not as well- intentioned as I’m inclined to think? Is it a bad idea to reply? If not, what could I say?
Edit: hmm, had a feeling the general judgement would be that he does not mean well… was hesitant to think so because why the hell would someone look for a hook up with a newborn baby, just one year after getting married? He literally broke up with me because he loved her enough to commit to her (at the time) and marry her. Insane. Guess it just doesn’t make sense because I would never do it. Thanks for the advice everyone, his loser ass has been blocked
27 comments
Honestly he is probably wondering if you are down for a hookup or something. It might not be well-intentioned. Something you have to decide is are you ok with it not being well-intentioned?
You can respond if you wish, but it’s doing him a kindness he doesn’t deserve and more likely will hurt you all over again by reopening the wound.
Less said sooner mended. I’d also block him on social media.
Don’t let this man back in. He used you and wants to do so again. Block him and move on. You deserve much better.
I wouldnt bother. A married man only texts an ex if he wants to hook up. There is absolutely no other reason he would do that.
Most likely it’s a booty call, because he assumes you’re still that naive young woman who immediately glommed onto him when he flirted with you a year ago.
I would recommend that you just delete his message, with no reply. If he tries again, block him. No good can come of this, especially now that he is married with a child.
Keep holding out for that fulfilling, mutually respectful relationship you know you deserve, and consider this guy a bullet you managed to dodge. If he hadn’t gotten back together with his ex, that could be you staying home to tend to his baby right now, while he is busily contacting old flames on FB looking for someone who’s open to having a no-strings-attached hookup.
You literally say you are happy he left you so you can move on.
But you show here you haven’t moved on. MOVE ON. ignore it, leave it on read, block it. MOVE ON
It is obvious to everyone he intends to use you again.
You can block him, or you can answer, in which case you will end up sleeping with him again and be back here in a month posting again.
**innocent you** : yeah, I’m fine…how are you
Few min later………
**Him : wanna bang**
I would just ignore. My husband had an ex (who initiated their breakup) message him after several years of no contact once she realized that he was going alright in life, married and with a kid.
We have no idea what she would have been expecting from the interaction, but it probably was nothing good. He let me know she had messaged him, blocked her without responding, and moved on.
Strictly trying to get in your pants. If you really wanted to – you could play along and get him to say some incriminating shit and then send it to his wife.
Otherwise just block him and move on. Not worth the waste of breathe
I promise you he *only* wants to fuck. Block him.
It’s a booty call, block his number, you got out, don’t let the horny a-hole drag you back.
Girl you know and we know it’s a bad idea to reply. He did you so dirty and you want to chat with him?? Are you okay in the head???
Please rephrase the question. It’s painful to read. The concept of ‘losing your virginity’ is a bit stupid. I do believe that sex is sacred and should be between people who you have a genuine connection with, but doing it once with someone the first time and it being a a bit of a mistake shouldn’t be a life altering moment. You’re still young and figuring thighs out.
He’s gonna try and hook up with you again
I expect if you reply then your next reddit post will be on CreepyPMs
I wouldn’t bother. Who cares what his reasons are, really. I would actually block him and delete. He used you, manipulated you, (he’s also much older) and most importantly he’s a married man with child. Don’t mess with that. Move on.
Do not reply. You shouldn’t be messing around with dudes that old anyway.
Guy I lost my virginity to a month b4 my 16th bday got in a relationship with another girl in our friend group 2 weeks later.
>from work very much and I dated him for a few months / lost my virginity to him
Dont get involved with coworkers.
>I’m wondering if to others it is more obvious what it could be for –
Nope.
>Is it a bad idea to reply? If not, what could I say?
Myself if I reply to someone that does that, Im pretty shitty.
I would block him. If you block him, he can’t block you, and it would send the point that you don’t worship him the way you used to.
Also to add, as someone slightly older than your ex- I view people your age as being way too young. You’re new to adulthood and we’re in a very different place. Be wary of age gaps, particularly when the age groups are different places in life. It’s often predatory.
He trying to sleep with you again.
Ignore it. Like you said he did you a favour don’t get sucked back into his drama.
How to tell us you need attention
Good for you for not opening that door. He has no good intentions and it would make you a sh!tty person if you started something with a married man.
Btw, I’m willing to bet that he was with his now wife the whole time he was with you.
That’s what happens when you rush in and have sex to rebel. You have no clue what is required to make a relationship work. Go do research.
Being attracted and having sex doesn’t cut it. Having great time hanging out or good conversation doesn’t cut it
There’s so much more in a relationship
You close that chapter you learned your lesson. Keep moving forward
> Is it a bad idea to reply?
Yes. Block him. If he tries to contact you by some other means, get a restraining order.
Yay you! And act like you never even saw the message. You have reclaimed your power! Yay you!