Hi all ! So I’m (F28) writing this post on behalf of my little brother, he just called me to vent about his issue with his girlfriend and when I shared my thoughts, he said “looks like we are not going to agree” and he hung up on me, that little shit ! Lol
So for context, my bro and his gf are both university students and they’re both 21 years old. They have been dating for more than couple of years I think and she’s a lovely girl. Our family loves her, and we think she’s a good influence on my brother, keeping him in check and making sure he does well at school. So far, she’s been a great girlfriend, very thoughtful and caring.
Their issue right now is about her being invited to a birthday party with one of her female friends, and this party is hosted by some highly influential people in our country, we are talking about some very wealthy, powerful people with close ties to a certain monarchy. It might be worth noting that she comes from a fairly wealthy and prominent family herself.
Anyway, my brother is super mad and is convinced that shady things will happen during that party, and he doesn’t want her to go. He explicitly told her “if you go, we’re done”. The fact that she won’t be able to have her phone on her scares him and he said that he trusts her, but not them (the guests present).
What do you guys think ? Any advice for him ?
I told him that it’s not up to him, he’s just being insecure, and that he should trust in her ability to set boundaries, and that they’re young and they will be invited to so many things in life, he can’t possibly think it’s ok to be controlling and telling her what to do. I would love to know if I’m missing something, let me know your thoughts !
TLDR : Brother doesn’t want his girlfriend to go to a party for rich folks, so he gave her an ultimatum : either she rejects the invite, or their relationship is over.
30 comments
Why is he not invited??
There has to be more to it that what you know.
They’ve been together for years but she wants to act single. And let’s be honest, everyone knows what goes on at parties like that. It’s not insecurity, it’s setting boundaries. Good for him and hopefully he sticks to his guns.
God dam.rude to invite someone and deliberately not invite their partner. Also, what is with the no phones? That sounds so suspicious. I am surprised she is putting herself in this situation unless she has other reason’s.
I feel like the trust issue is cover for feelings of inadequacy that have sprung up. She’s going to be talking with very rich and powerful people, things he is not.
In this situation, at that age, I would be spiraling thinking about all the amazing people she’s going to be meeting and comparing me with and of course she’s gonna prefer THAT to whatever the hell I am and so I need to stop this from happening or cut her off before she hurts me in exactly the way I’m foreseeing.
He’s scared, because in his head this is scary. But if shes as great as he thinks, of course this isn’t what’s going to happen, because she’s not that kind of person.
Like has been said, this is a great opportunity to see just how strong the relationship is.
She can do anything she wants to do, he can break up with her for any/no reason. He left the decision to break up with her, it’s her choice to make. Go to the party and be single or don’t go and stay in the relationship.
I mean everything about that party sounds shady.
If the post was:” My boyfriend is going to a party with many attractive super models, he won’t have his phone on him and he didn’t try to get me invited or won’t even bother. He also is likely to say he doesn’t have a partner ” See doesn’t that sound very sus?
Regardless of trust it’s obviously also feelings of inadequacy, he doesn’t “measure” up to the people she is gonna meet. Is it logical or the most secure stance? No, but is a young 21 kid, obviously doesn’t have the life experience to be as secure as a 28 year old( obviously you’re also more likely to see the side of the person you can relate more to)
Also I think you’re being quite obtuse about that those parties are about and why loads of young women get invited.
Regardless he can break up with anyone for any reason. He set a boundary, he said she can go, but not without consequences, that’s how boundaries work. You can’t control their actions but you can control your response
I think both sides are right and wrong at the same time.
Your brother is definitely being controlling by setting a “Do this or we’re done” ultimatum which seems to come out of nowhere for this particular situation only.
However, at the same time, he is very right in being concerned – and his girlfriend insanely dumb. A party where only women are invited and phones are not allowed? I’m from Germany and we currently have a scandal with one of our famous bands (“Rammstein”) going on where the lead singer always had his own aftershow parties away from the rest of the band and only young, pretty women were invited (and not their partners) and, guess what, now there are women speaking up about being made uncomfortable or asked to perform sex acts. Not really a surprise. The girlfriend is insanely naive to go to a party where no +1 is invited, phones are not allowed and it’s only women.
So your brother’s worries are *very* valid, but he is handling this really badly. He needs to learn the difference between boundaries and controlling behavior.
Fancy parties like that invite pretty, young, broke, college women for eye candy and for (they hope) sexual entertainment. If she goes she’ll be offered drugs for free and money for sex.
He’s right to be agitated. How long has she known this friend because some women get paid for recruiting others.
This just screams BIG RED FLAG to me.
EDIT: she’s not being invited because people want to hear what she has to say
OP mentioned somewhere in the comments that her brother knows she will act single in the party and will not tell someone she has a bf if they made advances.
If OPs brother is convinced, then there is more to it, and I would be skeptical too. He has his boundaries and feels it will be violated, then no convincing will help.
OP doesn’t say what the gf had to say after this. Her reaction/response also can tell you a lot. Her acting single part irks me.
If it is very rich folks, there will be no consequences either..
Anyways, OP’s bro you do you. Either way itllbe a learning experience for you.
What is a little sad here is that as a 28 year old you are invalidating your brothers feelings and try to almost shame him into accepting something that for whatever reason he sees as a no go area! The fact that you could only see your brothers point when a complete stranger did the uno reverse is even more shocking! If she goes has something happen are you going to try and force your brother to accept her “mistakes” even though he had issues with this whole scenario! You are his older sibling but he should honestly place no value in your opinion as you clearly don’t have his best interests in mind by your own admission in the post and subsequent comments! To the brother this party sounds like a future shitshow waiting to happen! If this girl wants to be single let her be single before she goes and tell her you will not be around for emotional support if the obvious worst happens!
Life is simple and relationships are just as simple. Respect and communication reigns supreme. He has communicated and it is up to her to either respect that or counter his argument. If he is uncomfortable with the people at the party he has every right to feel that way without being labeled some little insecure delta. If he was invited to an event that she felt uncomfortable with, none of you would have a problem with that.
He’s entitled to his red lines, as we all are. If he wants to throw away his relationship over this it’s on him.
This guy is absolutely right to be concerned and not want anything to do with her going.
2 words.
Bunga bunga
What’s the issue here? Let him break up with her if that’s what he thinks is best.
Have to say I agree with the brother. This is no girlfriend that would leave him and attend a party by herself with some high and mighty rich folks. She certainly has not thought this through on the mental impact it will have on her boyfriend and their relationship
She’s going to a girls only sugar daddy meet and greet for university students.
BF knows it. GF knows it.
You apparently, do not.
A party where women only are invited.
A party that does not allow phones.
So she is not allowed to contact anyone at the time of the party while she is there unless the host allows it ?
This makes me very scared for her safety. Her having no way out unless with the hosts permission makes no sense.
This doesn’t sound like a party but a setup for the host to gather women and have them there in a vulnerable position and no ability to get help. The fact that women are the only ones invited supports that claim. Why else invite only women ?
This isn’t safe. This party wouldn’t be safe even if you’d be living in the safest country in the world.
The “no phone” thing really bothers me. She may be from a “powerful and influential family”, but in certain places, no matter how powerful and influential a woman’s family is, she’s still “just a woman” and therefore present at the party to be eye candy and frankly potentially a sperm receptacle for some young pigs who happen to be male and therfore feel entitled.
“Close ties to a certain monarchy” has me even more concerned. If it’s the monarchy I’m thinking of, we know that any male from that monarchical family can do ANYTHING and get away with it, particularly when it comes to women, and especially if word never gets out.
My concern is that she may be walking into a trap. If that’s little brother’s reason for conern, I’m with him. If his concern is her exercising some independence and having any fun away from him, I’m with OP and the gf.
The way you described the party makes it seem really scary. Of course he is afraid things might happen, because he cares for her and setting up that boundary isn’t anything controlling.
Can he just go with her to that party? I mean, it would only be fair.
Isn’t the Moroccan royal family legendarily rapey?
She’s definitely going to be turned out
If my girl was to go to a party with Leonardo DiCaprio and Drake, yes I’d be worried because she’s definitely gunna say she’s single and no one’s gunna care if she is or not. If she were to go to a party with the Clinton’s and no phones are allowed id also be worried because sexual assault and things of that nature would never be prosecuted in those circles and they know they can get away with anything. If it’s a party with a bunch of wealthy nerds who say “don’t you know who my dad is” I’m less worried. So it really depends on the party I guess and why he wasn’t invited and also her attitude about the whole thing. Idk man it’s a tricky situation. If it was just a regular old party and his insecurities where all that he had to deal with them I’d say he’s just being an idiot but there’s a little more to it here
Stay out of your brother’s relationship, this is for him and his partner to figure out.
Your brother has something that is bothering him and making him feel insecure and he has enough trust in you to share this and instead of listen and putting in his shoes you shamed him, what you described sounds like not a place a girl with a boyfriend should be, everything about it sounds sketchy, if she wants to go she free to do it, but he has his right to end things because he feels disrespected.
Take the side of your brother, he’s your family and need support from people he trusts.
Little Brother has reason to be upset. His GF may already be lost to him, whether she attends the party or not. And she may really have no choice but to attend.
First, a caveat: stereotyping Arabs is just wrong. Arabs comprise many nations, cultures, even religions. My concerns may not apply to OP’s society. Unfortunately, what little I learned in life there is all I have to offer.
I lived and worked in exactly one Arab country, long enough to pick up some culture. This includes concepts of respect and status-consciousness. The importance of striking a good bargain also matters. The expression “generous to a fault” is not a compliment here. Arabs can be quite charitable – it’s a pillar of Islam – but to be taken is entirely another thing. The Holy Quran actually addresses business matters, and puts a high premium on fairness by all parties.
GF’s family may be prominent, but odds are that her family is somewhere between “uneasy” and “very unhappy” with her affair with your little brother, especially if they believe they’ll receive little or nothing at all if she becomes his bride. From her family’s POV, this could be considered seriously unfair dealing, and possibly intolerable.
What better way to forestall this injustice than to bargain with another prominent family, who will pay a fair and proper bride price? So of course GF’s mom says OK to this party. And the more prominent and powerful the family, the more eager GF’s mom will be for her to attend. It’s even possible that mom has no choice in the matter but to agree.
This party could be nothing more than a showing, where either the mothers of eligible young men, or the young men themselves, will eyeball GF, perhaps chat her up, and decide whether to bargain for her. But I can’t dismiss the possibility that a deal has already been struck, perhaps sight unseen, and unless the family that made the deal (to acquire GF for their son) is disappointed with the showing, the deal will be concluded – when and by what method I won’t even venture to guess. But I fear that, if GF isn’t happy about it, there’s not much she can do to stop it without serious consequences to her family and herself. Simply not going to the party may cause trouble, and may only delay the inevitable.
Yeah sounds like a post with only nice sounding information to influence a decision and then when questions are asked all the sketchy shit leaks out.
UpdateMe!
What kind of a party is this that no phone is allowed? That’s creepy af.
Although your bro is being hella controlling… I’m honestly wondering if I should go to that party if I were his gf. That’s weird.
> The fact that she won’t be able to have her phone on her scares him
Umm….I don’t know, I think I’m a little bit with him on this one. I don’t think he should be leaping to break up instead of trying to talk it out, but this is sketchy as hell.
What *the hell* kind of party doesn’t allow you to have your phone on you for it? That’s ringing every alarm bells available to me, if I was the girlfriend, I’d turn that offer down in a heartbeat.