Fellow dudes I summon thy. We know the Chad’s and alpha males exist – great for them. Most of us are however different and really not keen on making moves or overthink doing so. Sure, despair, horniness and alcohol help at times, but that’s obvious.

28 comments

  1. I know full well that being approached by a guy like me is a nightmare scenario for most women so I just don’t waste my time or theirs.

  2. My grotesque appearance and a general desire to not end up a funny anecdote she tells her boyfriend.

  4. I know 95% of the time it will be a rejection, so better to save face. Why waste their time or mine? Let them be approached by attractive guys.

  6. I was married for 20yrs in a blended family. The thought of entering the dating scene at my age and dodging all the red-flags and single mothers is very very daunting

  7. The juice ain’t worth the squeeze. And I don’t like to be a trip organizer

  13. Mostly I don’t do it because I don’t want to make the women uncomfortable

  16. Its just a pure waste of time and energy i could be focusing more productively. Either im met with rejection or if i am successful and get the number, then its a game of “will, when or for how long she’ll answer”.

    Im perfectly okay on my own, i make good money, i can buy a hooker if need be but I just avoid women altogether, desperation is for the weak and i dont need to be to with anybody.

  18. Because so many guys can’t take a hint, and just be cool with rejection and move on, so a lot of women have their guard way, way up. There is a razor thin line between being “bold” as you call it, and just being creepy and annoying. I like to have a little inside info or reassurance that who I am approaching is already cool with me, or that I’m not going to make them uncomfortable and nervous. If I cross that line I’ll pretty much never be able to uncross it, and will have blown my chance to be seen in a positive light by the woman I’m trying to get to know better.

  21. Girls has to: sends out choosing signals (aka indicators of interest) these are usually extremely subtle and hard to pick up on, and can often be misinterpreted.

    Signals can mean she: just wants attention, she’s attracted to you, she wants to date you, wants to meet you, wants sex, or it can mean nothing at all. The meaning behind the signal will change based on how your approach go. So she may have sent choosing signals, which you correctly picked up on, but then your approach goes poorly, and so she decides the choosing signals was just a “misunderstanding”.

    Man has to: first become a guy who girls send choosing signals to. (This means become a top 20% guy, which is an insane amount of work). Now that you are a guy who gets choosing signals from girls, you must figure out how to correctly pick up on choosing signals (this can take years).

    Then he must learn how to do an approach, at the right time in a non creepy non awkward way (very difficult, also can take years, and lots of embarassing failures and rejections, most guys will not even bother to do this step, they are smart).

    If all this goes well there will have been phone numbers exchanged, at which point a new game of nonsense starts which is the texting game that also has a steep learning curve. During this phase the man will be expected to set up the date, along with entertain the girl and be witty and funny while setting up the date. And also appropriately not text back right away, and wait the right amount of time between getting the number and trying to set up the date so as to not seem too eager or whatever (wierd girl nonsense, they don’t like if u text back right away, they don’t like if you are eager, they don’t like if it seems you are making her the #1 priority). During this phase the girl may just change her mind and decide she wants nothing to do with the whole thing. Or someone else more exciting may have come along, or her ex wants to get back together etc etc. It’s just a whole bunch more problems and obstacles for trying to get the girl actually to go out and meet you for a date.

    So let’s say by some miracle u pass all these steps and actually get to a coffee date. Now you’re expected to carry the conversation, be interesting, be funny, charming all that stuff as well as dressed the way she likes, smell the way she likes, all this stuff. Know when she’s ready for you to break the touch barrier, know whether to go for a hug, a kiss on the cheek, or a real kiss at the end of the date. Basically be a mind reader. All the while she’s going to be just sitting back and judging your performance. And probably causing problems and testing you in subtle ways. Somewhere along the way girls lost the art of seduction and instead became what I call “anti seduction” where they just cause problems and create obstacles to hinder the relationship from progressing to sex. Because they don’t want to be “easy”, they create challenges and play hard to get, but this is so so troublesome for a guy, because of metoo and Feminism saying all guys are creeps and rapists, so if the girl creates any obstacles, a good guy is just going to back off, because he cannot push through those obstacles not knowing whether it’s a test and the girl wants him to push through, or if the girl really is trying to stop things from progressing. Very confusing and very hard to deal with. Good guys will just back off and respect boundaries. Narcissists, abusive guys, the so called “bad boys”, these types will not respect boundaries and will power through any problems or obstacles the girls put up, which will turn the girl on and she will end up with another guy that treats her like garbage and pumps and dumps her. So the game is rigged and broken.

    Anyways to answer the OP question: the amount of work involved in “courting a lady” has become a herculean task akin to climbing Mount Everest. And the prize is a dumb girl who probably has a high body count, who is probably already having sex with multiple other guys (if she’s single she will have her friend with benefits, she will have her ex she still hooks up with, plus she will have the guys she’s dating). Why would you want to join that circus? As the man you’re expected to do everything while she does nothing except cause problems and make things difficult for you. All the while probably texting the guy she’s already boning while she’s on the date with you. NO THANK YOU. This is why men are walking away from dating and marriages.

  25. I have social anxiety of some sort, I tend to think of any and all negative outcomes of any and all responses to any and all actions or answers that I could possibly make to any and all questions or things. This has understandably made it difficult for me to start talking to random people, and I have suffered from this ever since around 2007/2008 when I dropped out of the 11th grade, and World of Warcraft took up most of my time for a year or two before I finally managed to quit playing the game.

    My social anxiety has hindered me from meeting women, even if I were to go out and look for a girlfriend or FWB or what have you, chances are that I would never be brave enough to talk to the women I find attractive, or that if I somehow managed to do so, that I would not come off as someone interested in them as more than friends.

    This, coupled with past experiences of having had my feelings toyed with, my kindness and my friendship taken advantage of for over a year or two – only to find out I was only being used for my car, and that they had never thought of me as their friend, – has basically just made me stop putting myself out there anymore.

  26. What do you call an alpha male ? We need to stop with this toxic term, that’s only putting down people that doesn’t fit in.
    All dudes are different as girls too. And to answer the question : social anxiety + have been rejected 2 times and lack of self-confidence.

  27. Getting me-too’d because I approached the wrong woman. Probably an irrational fear but it’s there.

  28. My ugly appearance, insecurity, inferiority, and the fear of rejection

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