So I have aspergers, and this is a problem I have with people I don’t know or have just met.
I’m trying to make friends but my greatest anxiety with this is this beginning stage where I feel like I have to “break the ice”.
If I’m familiar with a person I never shut up and can talk for ages, my current friends say they appreciate me for the things I say and my company.
But during this beginning stage when I don’t know someone, I’m fearful to connect, will they judge me? Can I be myself around this person? How do I connect with this person as a friend?
During this early stage I just don’t know what to talk about with new acquaintances, what material do I fill this stage with in terms of what to say?
Usually I ask questions cause sometimes people like to talk about themselves, and I like to listen to what people have to say, but sometimes I’m afraid that’s not enough.
Thanks in advance for help, I’m trying to get out there and meet new people and connect, thanks!
2 comments
It might seem selfish, but I’ve had success with basically talking about my own interests and seeing if a topic catches the other person’s interest. If this happens, I’ll make sure to ask their opinions on it too even if they don’t have a lot of experience with it. But I usually only try this if the other person seems like the open-minded type. If they aren’t that type, I just talk about studies/work and accept that we probably won’t become friends.
My only real strategy is lowering the bar for entry. It’s the entry phase. Why all the grandiosity? I think we stack up the potential of a friendship on the first sentence and that’s what makes it hard to move.
The best thing you can do to break the ice is embarrass yourself in a manageable way. People struggle greatly with something like that. Saying or doing something embarrassing and then recovering with some grace lowers the guard of everyone around you. Ice gone.
But short of that, by lowering the bar for entry – it’s no problem for you to ask anything. Asking anything is another one of those ‘oh you have insecurities too’ guard dropper. Ask that stupid question. Especially if you think you’re the one who’s stupid for asking.
Surely, some people won’t respond positively to your show of vulnerability. But those are the people you shouldn’t invite into your life anyway. Be yourself. Be vulnerable. And the people who you are supposed to be with will arrive.