Background. I’ve (F52) been happily married to a wonderful man(M58) for 21y, w/3 teens. I knew that my husband smoked marijuana from the time we started dating and he still does. He is productive, outgoing and responsible. He retired after working for 32y, so he could be home with the kids. I agreed with him on this. I suffer from migraines. If you aren’t familiar, they are NOT just bad headaches. It’s a neurological condition that drs still don’t know the cause or cure for. Mine include severe head & body pain and motion sickness. Bright flashing lights feel like a knife stabbing my head. Smells make me nausea. The smallest noise feels like a sledgehammer. I have to go to sleep (4-18h) because I can’t function. In short, I feel absolutely miserable physically as well as mentally. I know a lot of my triggers. Some I can avoid & some I can’t. One of my bigger triggers is marijuana. It’s legal to smoke it in my state, so I can smell it on random people. If it’s a faint smell, I can move before it affects me. If it’s strong, I have a high chance of developing a migraine. This is my problem. My husband smokes it. He smokes it outdoors and knows not to do it around me. But for the past year he has been smoking more often and is either near me, the window to our bedroom, in the garage or just finished smoking and comes up to me. When I call him out on it, he will lie about smoking. My migraines have been becoming worse. I have been off of work for 4 months. I’ve had numerous dr and specialist appts. Tried new meds & have changed my rescued meds. I know that this increase isn’t caused from my husband smoking. But his recent behavior isn’t helping. He had to leave home for a few days. Then a few days after he came home, I had to leave. During this time, my migraines were less frequent & painful. When he came home, I developed 1 then and later 2 more. When I came home, I could smell it in the garage and got a migraine. Today I had to go to bed because of a migraine. I slept 9h. I’ve just decided 2 things. 1, I’m not going on a family vacation that includes other family members, because they all smoke marijuana around me. It’s not a vacation if I feel horrible. 2, I’m moving into a different bedroom because of where he smokes outside and the smoke that is on him. I love my husband. He is a wonderful person, except for the smoking. I don’t want a divorce. But I don’t know what else to do. I’m tired of being in pain so often. I need some advice. What can I do? And how can I decide if he loves Mary Jane more than me?
2 comments
Have you asked him to stop?
Your husband seems selfish. He knows how it makes you feel and he’s doing it where you can smell it
Have a serious talk with him. Tell him where he can smoke and what you can’t tolerate. If he makes a fuss tell him that it’s a boundary of yours and it makes you sick . This or a divorce because you can’t live like this anymore.