Me and this girl have only known each other for a year, but we quickly became really good friends. We are both one of each other’s closest friends. We text every day and hang out 1-on-1 at least 2-3 times a week.
I started developing a crush on her a few months ago when I realized how much I loved talking with her and spending time with her. I didn’t want it to affect our friendship, so I decided to not do anything about it and just hoped that the feelings would fade away quickly if nothing happened.
However, a few months later, my crush on her is only getting bigger. The more I hang out and talk with her, the worse it gets. Recently, we were supposed to get dinner and watch a movie together just us two, but she ended up inviting a couple of her other friends that also have been wanting to watch the movie. Normally, I would have been more than happy to have her friends join us because I love hanging out with her friends, but this time, I mostly felt angry and upset. Similar things have been happening recently too, and it’s been making me feel really bad because I know I shouldn’t be getting upset over it.
I don’t want our relationship to turn into one where I’m only friends with her because I’m trying to get with her, so I’ve been trying to create some space between us. It’s hard though, because even though I have stopped reaching out as often, it’s just made her reach out even more and I feel bad about just distancing myself from her with no explanation. I was thinking about maybe just being honest with her and telling her my feelings, and asking for space directly, but I’m not sure if that’ll just make things worse. I’m also kind of hoping that by hearing her reject me straight up will clear my crush, but again, I don’t know if that’s the best way to go about this. Anyone have any advice?
TLDR: Have a crush on a close friend and it’s negatively affecting our friendship. I want to have an honest talk with her and ask for some space while I sort out my feelings, but not sure if that’s the best course of action vs just distancing myself without any explanation.
6 comments
Yes, being clear and honest is the better way. Good luck
Question
Is there any chance she would be interested back?
Or are you positive she only see’s you as a friend?
Does she talk about the guys she likes? Do you think she is out of your league?
I mean, it’s cool you realized your feelings were affecting your friendship but why aren’t you simply shooting your shot and asking her out?
Do you think she might be into you?
If it is bothering you that much then it is better to find a way to communicate what is going on to her. You two might be able to find a middle ground, like putting strict limits on type and frequency of contact. Maybe you can call once or twice a week and only hang out once every two weeks or something.
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What you need to do is figure out what you ultimately will be able to accept from her in terms of a relationship. If you can’t get past your attraction and will always pine for her then distance or sparse contact might be one of the only ways to prevent jealousy or harmful feelings from poisoning the friendship.
If by “similar things” you mean she keeps inviting other people to things, then it seems likely she knows (or suspects) you like her and is trying to gently put some space in there.
You’ve got the right idea in telling her and putting some space in, that’s absolutely the right and most adult approach. You tell her directly “I think you might have guessed that I’ve caught feelings for you because you’re so smart and funny, so I think if you don’t feel the same way I need some space to change the script.”
If you don’t tell her she may infer that she’s done something wrong. Although it may be painful for both of you, it’s far better to have the truth than to make things weird.
I’ve fancied acquaintances before, and rather than tell them I’ve just kept a poker face and left them alone. But fancying a close friend like this inevitably means changing the setup and she will notice if you just pull away.
Why don’t you tell her and see if she’s open to dating. If not you can move on. It’s possible that she will miss you if you stop seeing her and realize she does want to date you But she needs to know that you want to date her first. Don’t just ghost her with no explanation. I’m guessing you think you’re out of her league?