Fucked up by gay panicking?

I (24F) started seeing someone (24F) in April. For context, I’m pretty sure I’m on the neurodivergent spectrum – to be specific, I’m likely on the end that people love to not diagnose women with. I identify as demi, although I’ve questioned being ace before due to my past experiences in dating men. I’ve also experienced gender dysphoria before, although at the time I didn’t know that’s what it was, but I identify currently as a cis-woman.

This was my first time dating a woman and also first time datingij general seemed easy since I’ve started dating. I’ve kissed before but never had sex with someone, although I am interested in it and I do enjoy taking care of myself. I’ve always pinned it to lacking that sort of connection with someone.

Anyway, back to her. She’s sweet, interesting and beautiful.
We went on a few dates, but at times I felt like the conversation stalled a bit – couldn’t tell if it was me or her, but I’m quite a chatty person and friends have made jokes that I could get a wall to talk to me. This seemed odd because even when it didn’t lead anywhere, I’ve had the sort of chemistry where you joke/flirt all the time with men I dated in the past – with her, this was a lot less, but deep conversations were more prominent.We kissed on our second date, but she left to go visit her family in early May. We stayed in contact and agreed to meet up once she was back in June.

Now, a couple of things. We never had a chat about where this was going. We never had a chat about what dating women was like, or the gay experience if you will. We never even discussed what our sexuality was, and since this was my first time dating someone of my same gender, I didn’t know how to bring it up. On our last date, she mentioned I came across as quite “dom”, which my confused brain interpreted as being more stereotypically masculine adjacent (I’m sorry if this offends someone, all of this is still a mind fuck and I’m trying my hardest to understand what it is I’m feeling). It was the first time I’ve felt like my femininity was diminished in dating, primarily because she’s the definition of what stereotypically feminine is.

We were meant to meet up two weekends ago, but I woke up with such high anxiety that I asked to reschedule. Before I did, she asked if I wanted to go with her and her friend to the cinema, if it would help doing something chill, but I passed.She was understanding and agreed to meet this past sunday. Leading up to it we didn’t speak much and my anxiety got worse, and on Sunday I sent her a last minute text calling it in. In my text, I said I wasn’t feeling it romantically, which in a way it’s true – we haven’t been romantic, not in the way I’ve thought about romance before. I enjoyed being around her but at times it felt like being around a friend and I knew she was looking for a relationship from her dating profile. I think I felt a bit like we’d stalled in a weird limbo where we weren’t friend but we also weren’t together or actually officially dating, and to add to it I felt like I had to decide and determine what we were, which added a lot of pressure on myself.

It’s been 3 days and I can’t stop thinking about her. I spoke to friends about it and they pointed out that a lot of the confusion I felt about sexuality and gender could have been things I could have spoken to her first, rather than dealing with it on my own since who’s better than a fellow queer person to talk about these things?
I thought I was pretty neutral on this, but I keep getting bouts of sadness and I weirdly miss her, but she’s not replied to me since, although she’s not removed me from Instagram or Spotify.

I don’t know what to do. Part of me wants to ask her to get a drink and talk it over, part of me thinks I should just leave it. Any advice? I’m not sure who else to ask.