So I (23 f) matched with a guy (22m) on Hinge a month ago. He was about to leave the city for his job and before he left I wanted to meet him and see how things go.
I’ve never been in a relationship though I did have a few casuals, but not beyond that.
So, our date went really good and ended with a kiss. Not those make out kinda but He was too sweet and gentle. For the first time, I felt “butterfly in my stomach”. He texted me saying I made him feel very comfortable and he felt at ease while talking to me on our date. (no one ever said this to me before coz being an introvert its very difficult to keep up with convo!)
He left the next day to another city, but we both talk almost everyday. He says he’s done with relationships (recently broke up and is over with his ex) and is now just focusing on his career. Idk it felt like he dropped a hint for me.
He saves my snaps, double texts me, always vents out his thoughts and things he’s doing there to me.
But on the other hand he has indirectly told me that he’s done with dating and stuff.
Idk what to do rn. Should I make first move even though I feel he will reject or am I wasting my time waiting for something to happen?
TLDR; went on a date with my match, says he wants to focus on career, but also is kinda doing these little things.
PS: This is my first post ever please ignore my writing skills. Thanks 🙂
1 comment
It sounds like you get along well enough to be a little frank with him. I would ask for clarification and be honest with your feelings.
Something like: “You’ve mentioned a few times that you want to focus on your career instead of a relationship. I believe you, but I also like you and it feels like we have a good connection and that you spend a lot of time talking to me and thinking about me. If I read that by itself it’d seem like you did want a relationship. So I guess I just wanted to air those thoughts and feelings and ask you to spell it out for me. Should I rein in my feelings for you and we’ll just be friends, so you can focus on your career? Or do your actions speak louder than your words, and you really do want a relationship?”
Tough thing to throw out there, and a lot of dates you meet online on an app would think it’s way too serious. But if you are as close as it sounds, and it’s past the point of someone ghosting the other, I always default to being honest. I’m sure you can find a way to refine that example, make it your own style, or more true, or less dramatic, or maybe scrap it for something better lol. The point is, the way to solve cognitive dissonance like this is a relationship (of any kind, romantic or non) is through dialogue. It takes a certain degree of maturity to be willing to talk it out, but if you can start the conversation in a way that won’t make him somehow just run away, then that’s the best thing you can do.