Title, I guess.
I just moved in the beginning of April to live with my long distance boyfriend. We have been trying very hard to get friends together to go to museums (which I’ve never been to before but have been dying to go) and hang around the city and just have fun. I have been waiting to do this for months and been looking forward to it.
We finally were able to settle on this Saturday as a day we are all free but yesterday I came down with a cold and I feel like shit. I’m not sure how I’ll feel by Saturday but as it stands right now I don’t see myself going. My boyfriend asked if he could go without me and I said I would be upset if he did because he knows how much I’ve been wanting to do this with him and our friends. He then told me he would be “really pissed” if he had to stay home. He said he hasn’t seen these friends in a while but more than likely he’s going to see them for the 4th of July long weekend (I won’t be able to go due to work).
I understand where he’s coming from but am I insane for wanting him to stay home and we try to reschedule with our friends? The thought of him going without me is really upsetting to me, I want to go but it’s not my fault I feel ill and one of our friends has bad covid anxiety and I know this would give him anxiety. I can’t tell if I’m being unreasonable or something and it’s really upsetting me.
Tl;Dr have a cold, feel like shit, maybe can’t hang out with friends this weekend which we’ve been planning for months. Feel insane for asking my bf to stay home since he will see the same friends in a few weeks
5 comments
> but am I insane for wanting him to stay home and we try to reschedule with our friends?
Yes. If you’re ill enough that someone needs to take care of you, it’s really selfish that he can’t go without you.
Yeah, I think you’re being unreasonable. Organise another thing with your friends that you can all go to, don’t stop him from going. It’s not fair. Yeah it sucks you’ll be home alone but sometimes that’s life – it’s not like it’s him that’s preventing you from going, it’s illness.
I guess another factor is why it takes months to organise seeing your friends?
It makes sense that you’re upset that you’re missing out on something that you really, really wanted to do. If you needed him to take care of you, that would be one thing. But you want him to stay home because you don’t want to feel jealous of him having fun without you, and while that’s that’s somewhat understandable, it isn’t too kind to your boyfriend or the friends who would be disappointed not to see him. (They will of course also be disappointed not to see you.)
You’re being unresasonable? It’s just a cold, you feel like shit when you have a cold. You’d rather have your bf stay home and sit with you having a cold rather than give him the gift of time with friends? If you had cancer, sure. Cancel everything. But a cold? Naw. Buck up.
Honesty time – it is unreasonable. You’re being selfish. You want him to share in your misery which isn’t a fair ask. The museums aren’t going anywhere, it’s not like this was your only opportunity to go. Remember that relationships are about compromise and picking your battles.