Just need some thoughts on this as I am quite confused regarding the following situation. I’m M(29) talked to a girl(26) on Tinder for about 4 weeks and then met up for a date. We had four great dates in a two week span where we did get intimate in one of them. Towards the end of the last date I ask her if she wants to take this further since I like her and like spending time with her. She says she likes me and likes spending time with me too but couldn’t see it turning romantically and wanted to just stay as friends. I respond by saying that I will want more than that otherwise we cannot be friends since if its not going to lead to more then what’s the point. She was a little taken back from what I said but understood. We connected so much and each date lasted like 5 hours. We made more convo about other things and said our goodbyes on good terms. Next day she sends me a meme that I would like which I did. Haven’t texted in about a week since. Even though I gave an ultimatum I can’t help but think that it was wrong for me to do and might not meet someone like her again. Was I too harsh by saying I cannot be friends with her or did I hurt her? Should I have gone the friend route and hoped for the best?
A little backstory about me. I have gotten into the dating scene only as of recent due to many ups and downs in life which led me to only focus on myself. This resulted in me not being affectionate and romantic in the traditional sense. Wasn’t looking for anything specific and went with the flow on Tinder. Been on couple dates before this but this girl was someone who I connected with the most and actually liked spending time with. There never was a dull moment. I got the feeling that it was mutual. We both had a great deal in common which was surprising and were able to connect flawlessly. Which makes this even more confusing to me as to why she didn’t want to go further. I was unmatched on Tinder after the 3rd date but the 4th date still happened. Is this what dating has become? The mentality that there will always be more options out there? Is just being friends another way of saying there are other options and going to keep you on the back burner for now?
3 comments
You can stay friends a way to be connected and possibly turn it into a relationship. But that doesn’t work always. Or if she’s okay with try being FWB but keep the feelings out of it. Either way don’t take it seriously so you don’t get hurt if it doesn’t work out.
Let go
Is offering the ultimatum such as what I did a turn off for women? The connection we built would that be enough to rekindle something with her?