My boyfriend and I are about to move in together. We are both living with parents at the moment and he has a best friend from college visiting. I was aware of this friend several months ago and I knew that they used to cuddle when they were roommates in college. Both of them are bisexual. My understanding is that the friend’s girlfriend at the time would come cuddle with my current bf after having sex with the friend and the friend would join in on the cuddling (my boyfriend and the friend shared a bedroom in college), but neither of them did anything sexual with my boyfriend. This was all way before I was with my current boyfriend.
He also visited this friend last fall and be indirectly told me just yesterday that they shared a bed since there were no other available beds in the apartment but nothing happened between them and that they’ve never had a sexual relationship, ever.
I met this friend for the first time yesterday and we showed him our new place (we’re not living there yet but we’re moving stuff in). My boyfriend invited the friend to lie down on our bed, and my boyfriend started to lie down next to him but then seemed to think better of it and came over to hang out with me. This moment has been bothering the hell out of me. We talked about it. My boyfriend gracefully acknowledged my feelings, assured me that the friend is staying in a guest room overnight at his parent’s house and that they are not cuddling or sharing a bed. He sent me photos of their hangout with a family friend and texted me frequently later that same evening. The communication is helping but I’m still very stressed out. I don’t like that he indirectly told me just now that they shared a bed several months ago after we were already in a relationship. He should have been upfront about it right then.
I want to trust him but I don’t want to be stupid, either. What do I do now?
6 comments
Cuddling is not a normal behavior between friendships
33 year old male here. Had the same male friends since I was 5. I have slept in the same bed as them before but NEVER would I cuddle with any of them. Especially after they just had sex with thir girlfriend. That’s weird as fuck.
This is a tricky one. Sounds like you just need to have a very candid conversation with your bf about boundaries. I don’t know if anything happened between them when they shared beds, by the sounds of it nothing did and I believe it considering he was so accepting of your feelings about it and didn’t dismiss them(good sign). So I’m giving him the benefit of the doubt.
I know personally if my gf was bi and shared a bed with a woman I wouldn’t be comfortable, so your feelings are definitely valid. Personally, I think just have a honest discussion about boundaries and about how him withholding information like that makes him look suss. If nothing happened why didn’t he say anything?
I’m sure he wouldn’t appreciate it if you slept in another guys bed, regardless of how long you have been friends with him for and then not tell him about it. Its disrespectful to the relationship so you are definitely within your right to feel this way and say something. Good luck!
He cheated on you and he might be gay. Dumb him
So, he’s bisexual and would always cuddle and sleep with his “friend” but it was nothing sexual. That’s very hard to believe. Even on the small chance he’s telling the truth it seems they have a very odd relationship that cross boundaries now that he has a serious relationship with someone else. To me, it looks like they want their relationship with other people as well as with each other. But, it definitely appears that they have some sort of relationship beyond just friendship.
OP this behavior is weird. It’s absolutely not normal. I’m reading you comments and you are very much trying excuse this behavior.
Your boyfriend of a year cuddling with someone, who is not you, is not ok.
At the very least, you need to acknowledge that and make sure he understand that this behavior has to stop. Full stop.
You are not in college anymore.