Good evening Reddit, my gf and I have had a rough patch and basically we talked and she recommended a week off but I said I think we should just limit the contact so we’re not stressing each other out. So that’s what we’re doing just limiting the texting and hanging out a bit. We’re both super busy and she’s going through a lot of personal issues. Things feel rocky but idk how I feel about it all. It’s clear we still have strong feelings but she needs more alone time. I feel like this is a good thing just because we’ve been stressed. Is this a bad idea?
TLDR: we had a talk to limit contact and I feel weird about it.
31 comments
I dont think is a bad thing at all. To be able to talk about this and stay in contact anyway might be a good way to let the busy/rocky time pass by.
less time together does not mean less interest, just more quality time.
Good luck OP
Taking a step back and limiting contact can be beneficial, especially when both of you are busy and dealing with personal issues. Use this time to focus on yourselves and reassess the relationship. If you still have strong feelings for each other, this temporary distance might bring clarity and strengthen your bond. Just make sure to communicate openly when you reconnect. Good luck!
What benefit do you hope to get from taking this time “apart”?
what do you think will be different when you resume your normal contact?
Or you can just break up and move on
Try not to overthink things and just do you. Me n my girl have been dating for 15 yrs. Not married and we still live at our parents. We hang out on the weekends and she calls me everyday. Not a day goes by where I don’t here from her 3 times a day and it’s her contacting me.
I try to be very positive in the comments. But from my experience this has never ended well. If she was acting very distant before her mentioning this, then I’d probably prepare for a breakup. JUST SAYING. But i could be wrong.
EDIT: Just saw your previous posts. Prepare for a complete breakup.
How do you think she’s gonna spend her new found free time
She went to try other options. that’s just an excuse… move on, she is not the one. The only reason she didn’t break up straight up is so you can be her backup plan… when things dont go her way, she can always go back to you. Dont be a placeholder.
Every one is different. Needing time alone is a thing. I wouldn’t stress. Just let it play out.
Now yes, it is a good idea but it depends. Make sure you guys set the boundaries in terms of what the outcome should be. For example: taking a break because u don’t know where the relationship is going or taking a break just to cool things down while not talking to anyone else. Also, after the break you guys need to sit down and talk about what’s causing u guys to be stressed out and create a solution. The solution shouldn’t be you limit contact for good because what’s the point of your relationship? She’s not your from this is your partner. Also u guys have to stop doing things that annoys the both of you. However, understand we are also human so some things you’ll have to take an L as long as it’s not a major issue like u looking at women ass’s while you are with her and your girl is saying stop doing that shit
I don’t think this is a bad thing – some people need more alone time. I’m very sociable and I’ve had to limit time with my bf before – not because I don’t love him but because I DO! I know what I need and sometimes that’s just space.
Hey OP! If you’re just going through a rough patch right now with her due to mental health/ stress /life etc and NOT because of how you treat eachother [or even if that’s the case] sometimes a break is a good thing! Spending excessive amounts of time together starts to feel less organic / like a chore thus stressing both parties out. I used to impulsively text my partner constantly, and the conversations would get SO dead eventually. The more time you have apart the more you have to talk about and bond over when you’re together :]
Any kind of “break” suggested by a partner usually means she is interested in someone else.
If someone says they need time away, it means they’re probably done.
Give her the time she asked for and don’t reach out to her. If she comes back, it’s meant to be. If she doesn’t, don’t chase her. Let her go and find someone who appreciates you.
Note, if she did get with someone else during the break up, don’t take her back. That confirms you’re her safety net and she doesn’t really care about you.
its good to have your own personal time, struggled with it while living together myself would get angry if i was playing video games for no clear reason even though she was doing her own thing
Yeah because that wasn’t the solution, try talking to her about your problems and ask her how she believes she’s been helping out and see if that was actually helpful
It’s not a bad thing but it’s also not a good thing.. you guys are growing to be partners, so try to work on problems together
OP dont listen to these insecure redditors. I think what youre doing is really healthy. If you think youre oversharing / also not able to handle each others stress yet, its good to take a step back. Plus youre trying therapy, thats a great step.
If anything, this is the best time to really see if she is the one, as insecure people will crumble with slightly less contact. Its good to take time to remember who you are, and not get sucked into a relationship where you lose yourself and just become your partner’s keeper.
Be aware of the signs of cheating. Look at her friends how are they, how do they behave. When you guys are together is she possessive over her phone, is she against physical contact especially anything sexual if you two have been sexual in the past.
Do you have ground rules for this limited contact thing you’re doing? This isn’t gonna turn into an episode of “Friends” where one of you is gonna cheat and say “but we were on a break!” is it?
I’m on 3 yr “break” rn boss, it ain’t a break
You’re both young, but if she’s been distant I got bad news. She is more than likely seeing someone on the side. She has now decided he may be better for her and is going to see how things go with him. If it works out she willnkeave you and if it doesn’t she will be back and say she’s done with the break. I could be wrong but 9/10 times this is what’s going on. Not matter what you decide though, you have to respect her wish and give her space.
Less time hanging out is ok just make sure to send nice texts to eachother so you both can still feel the love is there
For what it’s worth, everyone is different, this might work out for you both 🙂
On the other hand, suggesting a ‘break’ is usually a good sign things are about to be over.
Regardless what happens, try to avoid over thinking it.
If things were already a little rocky, stressing over it and acting out during this break will only seal the deal.
Good luck bud.
Hi 🙂
I think it’s very mature of you both to understand the need for space. Unfortunately, we can’t always hang around with our people, regardless of what we’re going through because we’re simply, different.
There’s nothing wrong with that!
In my experience, it’s been confusing as HECK because you so badly want the love and support but at the same time, you start to forget (kind of) how to support yourself. If she’s going through a hard time, and suggesting that you two need some space, please be careful about jumping to the harshest conclusion.
When I suggested this to my current partner, it was a bit scary, because you’re pretty much letting go of the thing keeping you afloat, only to discover that you could float all along.
It’s necessary to be there for eachother – but you’re also in your twenties. Your life experiences are still in play, and your emotional maturity and language is really beginning to develop NOW.
Something you could do is express to her that while you think it’s a good idea to limit contact/have a bit of space, you’re a little bit worried. If she’s been going through it recently, and has some decent emotional awareness, perhaps she feels as though you’re doing too much emotional labour? I’m absolutely projecting here, because this is what I was thinking when I was in a difficult spot – but when my partner said they understood, and showed a bit of vulnerability, it made me feel that much more confident in the strength of our relationship and my ability to keep my own head up, too.
We’re all the more better for it – our relationship stopped being about the all of the bad things that happened that day, feeling inadequate, and nitpicking at issues, and became a stronger, more emotionally resonant and frankly, beautiful relationship.
I’m sorry for writing so much ! But I really hope it helps ❤️
It will go the wrong way. It’s all about making time to talk and share with the SO.
I have had a lot of these so-called “breaks” in the past, and it almost never turned out well. Bottom line of any relationship is no matter what difficulty or tough times – you should always find some sense of comfort with each other and not apart.
I have been through this exact situation with my current gf. Same exact ages too. We hit a couple rough patches and broke up for a time. We reconnected and decided to both work on ourselves and limit contact. This allowed us to end our toxic codependency while still maintaining our connection. After a couple months, things fell back into place and they have never been better with her. Let things naturally take their course but also have strict guidelines in place that allow you two to truly have time away from each other. When things feel right, you will know.
There’s going to be a lot of negative comments made about your situation because I have experienced plenty of it. People will not be supportive, so it is up to you to decide if this path is right for you both. I’m happy to answer any questions. Best of luck to you.
Ask the other guy she’s seeing what he thinks about it
Alright man, I’ve taken the time out of my morning to read through your past posts after having found mention of them in the comments here.
You’ve made SEVERAL posts about this same girl over the past few months. So let’s look into a few things shall we? Apologies, it’ll be long.
You need to end it with your girlfriend.
1.) Valentine’s day.
Not everyone is public in their relationship. Not every person posts pictures of their S/O on normal days let alone holidays. Some people just don’t like everyone knowing their relationship details. I had a partner for 7 months and other than very close friends and immediate family ((and I mean best friends and parents/siblings. Not aunt’s and uncles, cousins, nothing.)) neither of us made our relationship known while we were trying to get to know each other. It eliminates questions about your personal life and relationships from people you didn’t want or didn’t think needed to know to begin with.
2.) You had a post about wanting to bring up std testing after she had an IUD put because you were now having unprotected sex.
A.) That’s something you bring up BEFORE you start having unprotected sex. Not after you’ve done it and you’re sitting there being sketchy because she’s had unprotected sex in the past before you. She got the implant, y’all did the deed without protection and now you’re like “wait a minute” Too late now.
B.) Considering the lack of a post about it or anything, I’m going to assume you never brought it up to her? Please correct me if I’m wrong, you know what they say about assumptions.
3.) You mentioned it one post that you were stressing your girlfriend out even more than she already was by constantly bringing up her stresses and constantly texting her.
A.) You mentioned over and over that you kept asking and kept asking because YOU thought it would help her. SHE made it plain several times that it was not and yet you kept pushing and kept pushing.
B.) You admitted to continuously pushing and wanted advice on how to make things better?
Leave her the fuck alone when she tells you to!! It’s that simple. Why would she want to go to you if you’re smothering her?
4.) The concert.
A.)She goes to a concert with a male coworker. You’re home drinking. But you have LOOSE plans at 11:30 after the concert. That’s cool, great even.
B.) You don’t get to do those plans because you don’t hear from her until 1am when she says she’s home and going to bed. You never mentioned if or how many times you bombarded her with messages between 11:30 and 1am. ((Assuming that you did, again given your last admission of flooding her phone with texts.
C.) After she tells you she’s home YOU CHECK HER LOCATION. But you trust her? No. You don’t. Or you wouldn’t have checked her location when you stated you had zero reasons to not trust her up until then. I’m going to start assuming again like I did a second ago. I have no other choice but to believe that you probably did bug the hell out of her asking her where she was and she decided herself to remove the stress from that afternoon by continuing to enjoy herself and not get sucked into your stressful pit. She is a grown woman. A whole ass adult. And you’re not her father. And even if she does have a father not even he needs to know every single thing she does, every single place she goes and ever single person she talks to
4.) And now this.
SHE tried to tell you she wanted a break from you. YOU convinced her to just have some space and stay together. To not break up. And now you want more advice? JUST LEAVE HER ALONE. You are smothering her and pushing her away. If she wants to come back to you she will when she’s ready.
Looking at your extensive post history, get yourself into therapy. It seems like you are not ready for a healthy relationship and need more than Reddit advice. Your girlfriend has repeatedly tried to set boundaries which you overstep and have yet to correct. You’re not functioning as a partner to her and it’s likely time to move on and focus on working on your anxieties and need to control things.
Hey OP, I’ve glanced at your post history and like a lot of others, I don’t think this relationship has much of a future… but I’m commenting just because I want to seriously encourage you to get some therapy – you are never going to have a normal, happy relationship until you get your insecurities and jealousy under control!
In the meantime, something to think about – you keep saying that you’re communicating to your girlfriend what you need HER to do to help your insecurities… She DOES NOT NEED TO AND SHOULD NOT DO ANYTHING TO HELP YOUR INSECURITIES. This is all on you, bud. You cannot ask her to alter her behavior in an attempt to make your behavior less unreasonable.
You need to work on your own shit, and maybe after you get a handle on it, you guys can try again in a healthier, more functional way… but right now you’re just being obsessive, jealous, and neurotic. And the longer you put off therapy, the more ingrained these unhealthy behaviors are going to be in your personality… Nip this in the bud as quickly as you can! You don’t want to live the rest of your life feeling this way, do you?