After years I still don’t know how to identify if someone is my friend or if they are just using me for comedic relief. For context I recently became friends with these two girls at work, at first I was a lot closer to one then the other. We clicked really fast and she even mentioned how much we were alike, I really felt a connection and I was finally starting to let my walls down. Which btw I don’t like to do that often because people tend to take advantage of my good will and more often then not, I’m just getting hurt because they show me how they truly view me. Over the months I noticed how she slowly started to prefer my other friend. In the sense that we will all be at the same place but only post her, or leave me out of pictures unless I or someone else mentions it, basically ignore my opinion when my other friend wants something else, plan things and act like if she told me and make me look stupid or that I’m forgetful when I say I didn’t know about it, make fun of me with everything I do and not hesitate to call me a stupid bitch “jokingly”, when I hangout with other people at work she’ll get mad like I can only focus my attention on her but basically ignore me when she’s talking to someone else. And what throws me off is that I’ve mentioned to her my social anxiety and how long it’s taken me to be as confident as I am or try to be now. Not only that I’m trying to save up for my car and she keeps going over my boundaries when it comes to spending when I’ve clearly told her I’m saving up my money for my car. I’ve been bottling it up until today. They planned to go to IHOP last minute without asking if I wanted or if I could even afford it, and basically bullied me the whole meal through. Even the friend that we invited over was mentioning how she kept poking fun, poking at my insecurities and qualities that I use for comedic purposes but she made them like if it was serious. Not only that whenever an event is happening and they don’t go, even if I mention I will sh complains how she’s gonna be alone, like if in not gonna be there. And this happens everytime I let my guard down and let myself be a clown around my friends they basically use me as the butt of the joke, and when I get serious because I want to be taken seriously and not like a child. They think I’m mad or joking. I’m so sick of this because when they fuck up or make a mistake I don’t rub it on their face or make them feel bad about it. So at this point how do you know when they are your actual friends??
4 comments
Real friends understand your boundaries and respect them, they lift you up when you’re down and have your back when you need someone. I think people like the girl you’re referring to are miserable, and misery loves company. Anytime I’ve been invited to go somewhere with a friend and they know I’m broke I’m not expected to pay because they want to see me. Vise versa. If I invite my friend to get her nails done I’m paying for both of us. You can usually recognize what someone’s true intentions are by how they make you feel on the inside. If you’re feeling bullied then she’s definitely bullying you and you need to tell her that it’s hurting your feelings or disrespectful. It doesn’t sound like a true friend in my opinion.
Hey I understand your situation really well, I was in that kind of situation.
What I would say, which many people will disagree, is to start ignoring them. Don’t talk to them, don’t respond to them. If they really care about you they will try to sort things out and then you can tell them why you were ignoring them.
NOTE – IF THEY TRY TO DENY THINGS OR SAY LIKE “WE WERE JUST JOKING WHY ARE YOU BEING SO CHILDISH” OR IN ANY WAY THEY BLAME YOU FOR THIS SITUATION THEN NEVER TALK TO THEM AGAIN. TRUST ME IF THEY DO THIS THEN THEY ARE NOT YOUR FRIENDS, THEY JUST KEEP YOU FOR ENTERTAINMENT.
BUT IF THEY ACKNOWLEDGE THEIR MISTAKE AND APOLOGISE THEN THEY CARE ABOUT YOU BUT DON’T LET THEM PLAY WITH YOU.
In any case, talk to other people. Make new friends. Socialize more.
I dont know this person but This friend sounds like she uses you to make herself feel better. Like if in her mind she thinks “my situstion is bad but st least its not as bad as OPs”.
Find a new group of friends. Im not saying completely remove these friends from your life but just keep it civil. Find friends who value you and trust me it will go better for you in your social life and in your self-esteem.
Ill give you an example from my life. I never really had close friends in my adult life and a few times i had friends who were not uplifting. Even in my family i did not feel like my voice mattered to my cousins. My ideas of fun getaways and hangouts were always rejected. I love my family but i decided to move away tk a new city. I always struggled to make friends but i decided to put myself out there more and st first it was a struggle but in the process i became more social then i found a great group of friends who keep me included in everything. We do new things every weekend and when i suggest something many people are willing to do it. I went back to my hometown a few weeks ago and my aunt told me i seem more confident. I told her about my life in the neew city and my friends. I then opened up and said i felt that in my hometown nobody was willing tk try out new things and would quickly reject any ideas i threw out. My aunt looked at me and said how she always realized that and that now that i have people who value my words that i seem more happy and confident.
If you have to question whether somebody is a friend, then most likely they are not. You can tell whether people respect you by their actions. You can tell whether people consistently make time and effort for you or not. People make it abundantly clear by actions as to how they perceive you.