…I got into a fight with my boyfriend. It turned physical on my end – I was afraid he was cheating, and I was panicked and angry and scared when he couldn’t immediately verify it? I know it’s not okay, that doesn’t excuse it. …I don’t know what to do from here…? I understand he’s leaving and I get why even though it hurts a lot I don’t have a choice but now I don’t know what to do?
…am I going to be like this in every relationship? This is the first time something like this has happened for me and I’m scared it means I should probably avoid relationships all together in the future because what if it happens again? …I don’t know what to do. I bit him twice when he was on top of me trying to take back his phone, and I slapped him when he admitted it when he was already trying to leave because we’d fought about it before. …I’d kept hoping he’d prove I was wrong again and I don’t know he didn’t and it got so far away from me
…I felt so out of control and crazy, and I’m sure everyone says that but I don’t know. …do I need to seek counseling for abusive behavior? Is a regular therapist okay or are there different ones for this kind of thing? …how do I admit it to them? I feel so empty and embarrassed I handled myself so poorly, I don’t think I’m that kind of person but I don’t know I did it so maybe I am?
…I don’t have a lot of relationship experience in general. I don’t know what to do from here or if there’s a chance I can get better…? …will it always be so scary? I hit him but now I can’t stop crying I don’t know
1 comment
For the sake of possibly helping you change for the better, I’m going to try to address it all. First and foremost, there’s the monumental explicit issue that you disclose; you physically abused him. There will never be a justification for that. Imagine it was the reverse? What would you even say? Consider yourself lucky he hasn’t made this a legal matter.
So what do you do from here? Get help. You need to figure out the root cause of the issue leading you to get here, and figure out how to fix it. Let’s now discuss the situation. First, people get cheated on all the time, and even while clouded with anger, they have the emotional maturity to know that physical violence isn’t a response.
Here, you said you were “afraid” of him cheating. Given it was seemingly the truth and confirmed, your prior issue was demanding confirmation. You didn’t need it. Here’s what really stands out; “we’d fought about it before.” That’s where you need to wake up and run instead of allowing it to happen again and again.
That still doesn’t excuse your behavior, but it presumably won’t get to that if you stop staying in those situations and then them only ending because they leave you. Good luck.