I’m in a tough situation with my (22f) boyfriend (23m) of 6 years. After doing long distance for 4 years due to me being away for school, we finally moved in together last year in the city I went to school at because I was offered a job there, and his schooling happened to take place there during that particular year (he’s in the trades, so he works 10 months of the year and goes to school for the remaining 2 months).
About 2 months after we moved in together (which were the best 2 months of our 6 years together, SO much happiness), we got a puppy. The puppy took over his life and he stopped doing things with me, such as go to the gym, help with cleaning or cooking, and even going out in general (we used to go out and do something almost every night). Long story short, we ended up quitting our jobs (i LOVED my job) & moved back to our small ass hometown that has nothing to offer. All because he wanted our parents’ “help” with the puppy.
We moved back home in January of this year and I have been working in long term care because it’s the only thing available here. I work as a care aide. I am an RN. I worked as a chemo RN in my previous job. My bf went back to his old company (whom have screwed him over multiple times, but he doesn’t care), and life was honestly so shitty and depressing for the first little while. He told me I wasn’t giving the new job enough time. He also told me that I was purposely trying to not like the job. I told him that I was frustrated because I am overqualified and not being compensated for my worth. He also spends most of his free time at his parents house with our dog, rather than at our home with me.
Needless to say, I got sick and tired of feeling like he was choosing his parents over me, plus I hated my working life here, so I applied to have my old job back, but in a different city where I have more friends living in. I got the job and start next month! I am incredibly excited. But, I am also a little sad because my bf actually pushed me to apply for my old job. He saw how depressed I was coming home after work, not doing what I’m passionate for, and suggested I make a change and get my old job back. He said that he would follow me wherever I go, so I trusted his word and went through the application process and accepted the job, only for him to now be hesitant.
He claims that he does not want to move to the city with me until he is enrolled for his last year of school (he is enrolled as of yesterday), so when I asked him if he’s going to start applying to jobs in the city now that he is accepted, he said he doesn’t know what he wants. So, the plan as of now is that I am moving away next month and he will be moving back in with his parents. I feel betrayed, but not surprised one bit. He is attached to his parents and both him and his mom spoil the living hell out of our dog, which is fine, but at some point I think everyone needs to flee the nest for a bit and find themselves. He starts school in August, so he would only be working for 2-3 months anyways before going back to school. But I guess he wants to stay home, move back in with his parents, and continue working for a shitty company whom he left once already, and complains about nonstop, rather than move to the city with me and bring our dog, and work for a company who could be potentially amazing.
I don’t fucking get it. Maybe I’m being selfish for expecting him to drop everything and move with me. But my friends are also concerned because like I said, we have been together for 6 years. I feel that we are at the point in our relationship where we do things together, no matter what. I don’t know what to do. I may be living alone until at least November, and we will be back to doing long distance, even though he could easily get a job as his trade is high in demand. I think he just doesn’t wanna leave his parents (specially his mom). I don’t know whether or not this relationship is a lost cause or if there is still hope. I’m ready to build my career and build a life with him, away from our parents, but he seems like a kid at heart still. I’m so torn because I love him dearly, but I feel like we aren’t as close as we used to be and that he’s choosing his old childhood life over life with me.
TLDR; Bf and I moved back to our hometown after we got a dog because he wanted our parents’ “help” with the dog. Now that we’ve been home, he spends majority of his time at his parents house and seems to forget about me. I am moving to get my old job back and bf said he would come with me once he is enrolled in school. Bf is enrolled as of yesterday, but isn’t sure what he wants and is planning on moving back in with his parents rather than moving away with me. Feeling betrayed, but not surprised. He is extremely close with his parents and I feel he is choosing his childhood life/parents over me. Is the relationship over?
6 comments
You agreed to quit your job and move to a city you didn’t like so that your bf could have his parents help… with a dog? Ooh wow. Poor decisions being made all over the place here. Obviously this guy isn’t relationship material.
I think it’s over, yes. You can drag it out and try long distance but the fact he’s choosing a dog and his mother over you is telling. He’s not ready to grow up – and it sounds like you have an exciting life ahead of you.
It’s over. Im so sorry
It baffles me how the life of someone can blow up over a dog. Because honestly, the way it was described:
>The puppy took over his life and he stopped doing things with me, such as go to the gym, help with cleaning or cooking, and even going out in general (we used to go out and do something almost every night). Long story short, we ended up quitting our jobs (i LOVED my job) & moved back to our small ass hometown that has nothing to offer. All because he wanted our parents’ “help” with the puppy.
It doesn’t really say what happened, though. Was he *overwhelmed* with the puppy? The why was there so little research put into getting a puppy before? Was he just so *interested* in the puppy? Then the relationship started to end basically back then, when he chose the dog every day over his partner.
Basically, I still feel like the dog is what’s so weird here. It all started with the dog. Why was quitting beloved jobs okay for *two* people – OP as well – just because of a dog? I fully understand that pets are family members as well, but it sounds like they both were woefully uninformed what having a puppy would mean and they *both* let their whole lives implode.
Is the boyfriend behaving horribly? Yes. Yes he is. But as always in these situations: There’s one person who does the shitty thing and another who tolerates it. I can’t wrap my mind around OP quitting her job after her boyfriend has basically started to ignore her and be a part of the relationship and household completely.
All of this is just so weird, to a point where I’d say that OP should have been the one quitting the relationship long ago.
Your happiest time was his most miserable because his joy is connected to his family and being around them. His happiest time (near his parents with the best job he can get even if he hates it) is your most miserable. Regardless of the time already spent in this relationship this is a huge incompatibility. Go live your best life and let him live his.
It sounds like the two of you have very different life goals – have you discussed them with each other?