Long time lurker, first time poster.
I (F37) have had my fair share of heartbreaks over the years but I haven’t given up on love or relationships. In fact, I just got out of one with (M33) that – I thought – was very different from any others I had been in.
In a long story short, I just want to say to any of you M or F … if the person you’re interested in is simply cautious because of past relationships and heartbreak, just be patient with them.
I had FINALLY gotten to the point where I felt completely secure and comfortable with this man. I can even tell you the exact moment I felt I could finally let all my gaurds down. All of them! It was such a rush and freeing feeling.
And then he completely pulled the rug out from under me. Despite me expressing several times that it takes time for me to truly open up and trust someone, he basically said he didn’t feel I opened up to him enough. I didn’t realize I was on a timed schedule.
The walls are back up and fortified…
I’m obviously hurt and disappointed and a little betrayed because I don’t feel he gave me a fair shot.
TL;DR
If you really like someone – please, please be patient with them. Not everyone is an open book, take time to slowly flip through the pages, you might discover the best story ever.
4 comments
While I don’t fault him for wanting a more emotionally-open relationship than could be provided to him (relationships can end because of different people wanting different things), it sounds like you felt that he didn’t communicate his expectations or feelings on the matter more clearly before “pulling the rug out”, and that certainly sucks.
Hi, I’m not sure your post fits in this sub. It’s is for asking for relationship advice, and I’m not sure what you are asking here.
It sounds like this is something you need to say to people you date, not to people in general. It’s perfectly understandable to walk away from someone you’ve been dating if you don’t feel like they are open to you emotionally. If you got to the point where you felt secure and he still didn’t feel like you were emotionally open… then chances are that you two are incompatible. He wants someone who is more emotionally available than you even when you are finally secure.
This is simply untrue. A person has a right to their boundaries. They don’t have to wait for a certain amount of time for you to be ready. That’s really not their responsibility. And they have to protect their own well being. And if it’s gotten to the point where they don’t feel it’s sustainable, it’s entirely fair if they walk away. YOU have past trauma. That doesn’t mean THEY have to take ownership of it and wait past a point they feel comfortable with. Maybe work out your issues before you get into another relationship so that when you do… you’re not expecting them to wait patiently and pay for mistakes they never made.