Gf [23f] says I [22m] am not a real man

TLDR: gf is emotionally abusive. My character arc begins

Obviously, it is time to leave. But I’m enjoying the moment as I’ve finally figured it out.

Basically my gf of 4 years is a narcissist. The main thing that gets me is how insulting she is when she gets upset over the smallest things. She tells me that I’m a bitch, pussy, not a real man, that my friends don’t want to be around me, my family doesn’t like me. She dlesnt just insult, she goes after things she knlws will make me feel like garbage. She insults me with my own insecurities so it’s tough bc how to confide in someone who uses your insecurities or trauma against you. Would be fine if I had a support system but she has isolated me quite a bit tbh. Making me stop talking to certain people.

She gets physical too. If she gets mad she shoves me, doesn’t let me leave, pokes my face, throws my stuff or my phone. Sometimes she hits me. Obviously these things don’t hurt that much but even if I block her craziness she will claim like I am the one who’s getting physical. She threatens me constantly and is rly manipulative (crying, screaming, lying, gaslighting, involving biased parties constantly in conflict, you get the idea).

Most recently she was mad that I didn’t have a job. I have been looking really hard, and figuring out my options for grad school/summer courses. I am on my last semester of my bachelors after the summer. I didn’t have a job bc last semester I took an unpaid internship. So my money has been tight. For a while now she’s been rly mean about it. Telling me I’m lazy, not a real man, etc.. she will get a man that will provide. Keep in mind she graduated about a year ago with her bachelors. She’s employed and has income. I am still working on my bachelors and plan to go to grad school. If she can’t handle a small period of struggle now.. then idk about the future. When we were both working shitty jobs I would pay for everything for her, even before my internship when I was making minimum wage and she was salaried I would pay or go half and half. And now she can’t handle a small period of me not being able to do that? She even has said shit like: “when you are done with school you are gonna take me shopping etc… some women get cars from their men” she’s entitled. Apparently to spend the money I’ll hopefully be making out of grad school (if I get in) but can’t be understanding that during school things will be tight money wise for me. And it’s not like I’m not looking to work part time while I finish school, i just needed time to find somt after doing an unpaid internship.

Anyways, I’ve had enough. Idc what we are arguing about, this behavior is unnacceptable. She was insulting me about not having a job. She said some of her fcked up insults and something inside me just snapped after 3 years of this shit. I’ve kinda just stopped talking to her rly, I barely give her attention, not been having sex or wanting, been much more straight about what I think and when she is upsetting me. And I’ve been putting my foot down and letting her know that instead of her threatening to break up with me so she can get her way she is welcome to end it or I can if she disrespects me like that again. I’ve been acting like this for a few days now and she had a tantrum yesterday saying I was being mean to her. Tough luck, shes been mean to me for years and I’ve begged her to stop with the insults. Even childhood trauma isn’t off limits w her lol. I even listened to her and went back after I broke up w her a while ago. She’s destroyed my self image but I’m getting back to where I should be

For the past couple months I’ve been getting healthier working out. Now I go to the gym 6 times a week and am building muscle. I got a job yesterday too and am acing my summer course, maintaining my 4.0 GPA, dropped nicotine, and on track to apply to grad schools soonimproving myself. . I’m done w how she acts. Ik I’m vengeful but it’s subconscious tbh… I’m enjoying seeing her so upset I’m not giving her attention. It’s so funny to me that she will throw a tantrum and be upset, crying, instead of just treating me with respect and like a human being (I wouldn’t be dry, etc.. if she just made me feel not worthless). Years of pain but she cant handle a couple days. Anyway, if she doesn’t get her act in line where should I find my next gf? I’m thinking of just being single for the rest of my life tbh. Anything to look forward to in single life.

Also just to get it out. She vanilla in bed and her head fucking sucks. I could do with a better sex life. She doesn’t try in bed at all bc in her narcissist mind it’s all good bc she orgasms, squirts etc.. constantly. I’ve had opportunities to cheat in the past, and am kinda salty I didn’t tbh, but also glad I didn’t as it is morally wrong. But as of now I am going to keep my options open and if I see something better I will pursue that.