God it’s so hard. I’ve always been so scared of dating due to a religious upbringing and.. other traumas I won’t bore you with. It’s embarrassing that I’m 24 and have yet to date, it’s embarrassing that I’m 24 and so scared of it. Don’t even get me started with my fear of intimacy, yes I’m still a virgin(which doesn’t bother me other than the fact that that will change someday).
I met someone on a dating app and we have been texting, have a date coming up. I guess the anticipation is getting to me. What if I don’t like him after hitting it off over text? Its so painful to explain how I feel in awkward situations, I’m nervous I’ll meet him and have to say well now I actually don’t want to speak to you anymore even tho we have been hitting it off so well.
Blah blah blah I know this is the norm with dating anxiety but as someone who has never been in a relationship and feels pressure bc of my age, it’s really, really fucking hard. I really want to be in love, I really want companionship, it’s truly the only thing in life I yearn for. I guess that’s what makes it so much more frustrating because my instincts keep me “safe” and away from putting myself out there in literally any capacity 99% of the time.
It’s a vicious cycle. Therapy has gotten me so far and I am still incredibly uncomfortable. Does it get easier?
3 comments
Take a deep breath, and approach this date as an experience, valuable regardless of outcome. Remove expectations. Enjoy the act of meeting and getting to know a human being. If it works out, great, if not, you have learned new social and dating skills, and I truly believe the more we learn about others the more we understand ourselves.
It’s great that you’re getting therapy and able to bring these sort of things up to a professional. However, you’re putting undue pressure on yourself probably because all of this is new and unknown to you. Treat dating like any skill that requires practice and take comfort in knowing that everyone is incompetent when starting out. Start somewhere, move at your own pace in order to learn, adapt and grow.
What works for me is adopting a positive mindset, or a playful mindset, and going into it without any goal or expectation other than to have an experience. I hope you can shed the overthinking and just be present in the moment, on the date, and participate in something new.
As a 24M texting a 24F who is a bit like you when it comes to meeting up and going out in a date , either give the guy a chance or tell him you don’t want too anymore don’t give an excuse you are entitled to your feelings but he is also so must save the drama and games and be completely honest and open .. & not have this man develop a low self esteem because he thinks he did something wrong