I’m not in a good headspace, so please be kind. I (23F) think my boyfriend (24M) has a kink for women in relationships, but I’m not sure what it’s called or how to address it. We were friends since high school but didn’t end up together until after my divorce. Looking back now, I’m pretty sure the two girls he dated before me cheated on their boyfriends with my boyfriend because they both ended up dating him literally days after their previous breakup.
We had a discussion about porn last night, and he told me he always watches the “cheating” category. I watch porn too, so I know it doesn’t necessarily mean he thinks cheating is attractive. I asked him what made it appealing, and he said the adrenaline rush of knowing you’re not supposed to do it and doing it anyway. “The chance of getting caught” basically. Okay, fair enough. But the issue is that he was always wanting to have sex when we first got together (before we told anyone we were dating) and now almost three years later, I have to basically beg for sex. I’ve asked if I’m doing something wrong or if there’s anything I could do to change it, and he always says he just isn’t in the mood. Now I’m finding out he watches porn even though he doesn’t have sex with me?
Not really sure what I’m looking for here. Maybe some advice on how I can cater to this “kink” or somebody to tell me to run based on experience. Idk. I’m the farthest thing from vanilla and I’m always wanting to try something new, so I really don’t see how he could be bored with me sexually. I make sure to focus on him every single time and he never does the same. I’m just hurt, confused, and a little angry and needed to vent. Advice/comments/literally any communication is welcome and appreciated because I’m really down about all this.
TLDR; My (23F) boyfriend (24M) of almost three years seems to not be attracted to me anymore now that I’m not “off limits” and admits to watching cheating porn often even though we never have sex.
2 comments
While kinks are can be tangible, lean towards reality, or be pure fantasy, it really depends on the person and the relationship they have with their kink. Some have kinks that are simply fantasy play but never leave the bedroom. Others, their kink pushes them deeper and deeper into making a bedroom fantasy into a reality.
In honest, you need to talk to him. You need to be direct and tell him exactly how you feel, what concerns you, and that you want to know exactly how he feels. While I’ve always stayed clear away from men who even hint as sexual relations with a ‘taken’ woman, it doesn’t mean he’s trouble per say. He needs to be honest with you, and himself, with what he wants and needs. If that’s really what he wants, then you two would be happier separated and with people that share your base line principals and moral standards.
This is one of those, you have to talk to him about it situations.
If you had sex a lot when you first started dating, now not so much 3 years later that isn’t in itself a huge red flag. Things change as a relationship goes on, so that in itself doesn’t mean he has some cheating kink or anything.
But he also very well could have some kink for that, so talk to him. Like any kink it’s about communication, what exactly is he into about it, what would he like to act out or roleplay, ect. The only way to know any of it, is sit down and talk with him. Then you can make your decision, is it just a kink you can deal with or do you need to run.