Me (M29) and my fiancee (25F) of three years live separately. As their birthday is today, a weekday, when we both have work, we went to Disneyland last weekend to celebrate their birthday.
I gave them their gifts and we had a wonderful time.
This week begins and I am greeted with a lot of stress regarding work, unexpected bills among other things. I was absolutely exhausted last night and went to bed early.
The next morning on the 22nd: I always call my partner for 10 minutes before work begins. During that morning phone call it did not cross my mind that today was the 22nd, their birthday. Five minutes into the phone call, my partner said they were disappointed with me and it’s like I don’t care about them anymore. I was confused as to what they meant and where all of this was coming from. I apologised and asked them if they could elaborate on what I might have done to upset them. They did not explain their reasons for being upset and the phone call ended.
Immediately after it ended I saw the date on my phone and it clicked. Today is the 22nd! So I messaged them saying sorry and of course wished them a happy birthday. I have had no reply so far.
I feel very bad for not realising the date. Is there anything else I can do to make it up to them? I’m concerned I may have ruined their day, or have made them very unhappy. I really don’t want them to feel down because of me.
TLDR: Celebrated birthday with partner last weekend. Didn’t see the date today, forgot to say happy birthday in the morning. How can I make it up to her?
4 comments
What time was it when you called them? if it was early, then obviously you had woken up immediately with the intention to get straight to work and due to you being stressed prior. If it was late in the day then it mostly isn’t your fault because accidents happen and sometimes it takes a while for the bells to ding.
I recommend that when you see them next, ask them to have a sincere talk about how you feel really bad for not realising it was their birthday yet and tell them it will never happen again, tell them a bunch of reasons why you love them and then suggest you both having a day reserved for only you two doing anything that she would like as an apology. Once she forgives you, which she probably will, (if she decides to use this a reason to bash you or do anything extreme then it will be clear she is immature and petty and that she isn’t worth the hassle) make sure you tell her how bad you felt and that you want to always make a point of her birthdays to prove you care.
Of course this is what I personally would do to destroy any chances of her remaining mad and being just overall mad at me. Feel free to change any and all of it to your liking, but be wise about it and show compassion, she is hurting and she wants comfort.
Call your girlfriend… Text, or email, doesn’t cut it.. Say I am so sorry honey,, however we did celebrate your birthday on the weekend, and went to Disneyland and I gave you some gifts.. I am sorry I missed today due to work stress etc., and we don’t live together,,, So glad we had fun on the weekend for your birthday.. That’s it.. She’s being a brat if it isn’t enough.. You did lots for her birthday.. Saying she doesn’t feel loved anymore is manipulative, ridiculous..
Dude, you took her to Disneyland. What does she mean you didn’t do anything for her birthday? Sure, forgetting to wish her a happy birthday on the call is reason to be a little bummed, but it’s no reason for a huge fight.
What’s more, it sounds like she’s not communicating shit in your relationship. “Honey, I’m upset, but I’m not going to tell you why. You have to guess.” To be honest, I’d be upset at *her* for that.
Just call her and be like ‘Oh honey, the date totally skipped my brain. I’ve been too busy and tired. I’m so sorry.’ Don’t just message, call and tell her. Then be like, Happy Birthday. Or you can always rain on Happy Birthday GIF all over her FB wall or something.
Is it possible for you to get a flower delivery or a food delivery for her for today? Or just show up later at her house (if you’re not LDR), with a bouquet of flowers or something.
I forgot my mom’s birthday ONCE over 10 years ago. She was sulking for at least a week after LOL. We already went out to eat to celebrate (and I gave her the gift) in the weekend before her birthday, kind of like you. But of course, she’d rather have a ‘Happy birthday’ from me on the day of. But my mom got over it, sure it took a week or so, but she’s not mad over it anymore.