So I’ve been feeling this way for a few months now. My parents are divorced and none of his other kids really want to see him on account of his alcoholism. I actually haven’t seen him drunk very often, although I will see a lot of beer cans beside his bed. And I don’t know what it is but I just don’t love him very much. I care about him as one would have some basic care for another human being but I don’t really love him as my dad.
He always wants to see me, while I’m more comfortable with my mother. She’s more understanding and open minded than him, so I feel like I can talk to her about anything. As with my dad I feel like I have to keep a lot of stuff to myself. He’s a devout Christian while I don’t really believe in anything. I’ve kept this a secret because I’m scared he’ll disown me if I told him.
He’s been trying to get me a summer job that he calls “better for a man” than working for my mother as that’s what I do at the moment. I’m happy working with her because I ease out her workload as she has a lot and I get paid good. But my dad doesn’t like that. Another reason why he wants me to take his job is because it’ll mean I’ll have to stay with him longer during the summer. Which is something else I don’t like because my parents live in different towns. So my friends all live in the town my mom lives in and I can’t see them when I’m with my dad. He does care about me and wants to see me but I just don’t. I feel absolutely awful about this and feel as though there’s something wrong with me.
Tldr: My dad is a alcoholic, wants to get me a summer job I don’t want, I don’t feel like I can talk about personal things with him, and we hardly do anything when I do see him. Is there something wrong with me?
3 comments
There is nothing wrong with you. If at some point, you get to a place where you want to have a relationship, you’ll have to set your boundaries then. For now, keep strong boundaries and feel no guilt about the lack of feelings. Get therapy as soon as you can to help you process all of it. It’s not easy to be the child of an alcoholic.
Why would you love your father much, when it sounds like he hasn’t been much of a parent to you. Your mother sounds like she has been a real parent – loving, accepting, supportive, helpful. If your father doesn’t put the real work into parenting, he shouldn’t expect the results from it. As Christians say, you reap what you sow.
I highly recommend you keep the job with your mother and keep living with her.
There is no “should” for this kind of thing. Your dad scares you and makes you uncomfortable. That’s on him, and you don’t need to put up with it. If you’re more comfortable with your mom, work with her, love with her, and spend time with your friends.
Being the only one who still talk to your dad doesn’t give you an obligation to keep talking to him. You’ve got to take care of yourself, and sometime that means limiting or ending contact with a parent.