we have a group of co workers who get together for dinner frequently . the lady who originally started the gathering is someone I became closer with outside of work (only meaning we would talk or hang out outside of work). it has been 2 years now and she’s nothing but drama and needs to be center of attention …..everytime someone complains about her and how she acts would just brush it off because it didn’t bother me ..bc that’s just who she is. I have been a listening ear for eveything she’s been through an always remember to ask her how she is doing. I am just now realizing how selfish she really is and doesn’t care about me or my life at all. if i ever get a word in to say something she quickly turns the conversation back onto herself. I decided it’s not even worth the anxiety i get from her anymore to have her in my life and I plan to block her and basically cut her out. im not sure what to do about the group gatherings because I don’t want to ruin my fun time because she will be there…. do I stand my ground and cut these out as well or go and ignore her? I’m really struggling with this
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I would suggest finding a time you could talk together to tell her that you want to put your friendship on pause. If you want to go into details why, then I suggest keeping them focused on your needs and not blaming or accusatory. For instance, instead of saying “I have had all I can take of your self absorbed, attention seeking, dramatics.” You could say, “I feel unheard in our conversations, because we only ever talk about your concerns. I need a break from our friendship because that has left me feeling drained.”
You could try to say that you would like to still treat each other respectfully, and would like to still attend the organized dinners because it’s not as though you want to avoid her entirely you’d just like mental space for yourself.
I think your friend may have some issues of her own that she isn’t coping well with (other than the dramatics that are meant to distract and win attention). I tend to be quiet, but I have noticed that some extroverts (like those that organize social events and compulsively chatter about themselves) are actually not doing great. And the chatter is their coping mechanism to distracts their own attention from anxiety over the real issues they are experiencing but don’t feel ready to face.
So she may not be irritating on purpose. Or she could just be irritating with no deeper issues. Just my two cents anyway.