One thing I wish I’d known earlier is: you’ll date several people that carry baggage but haven’t been mature enough to put in the work, are emotionally unavailable, and you’ll end up getting hurt if you ignore the red flags. Believe them the first time they show you who they are.
It is what is is, I guess. But it’s still sad. Remember to see people as who they are, not as who you’d like them to be. Easier said than done, but next time you go on a date, ask yourself: “did this person make a good impression on **me**” rather than “did I make a good impression on them.”
I’m in my early thirties, dating people a little younger and also a little older than me.
4 comments
Well said…
Yeah I just got out of a relationship with a man who’s emotionally unavailable. But one good thing that I learned from that relationship is that it doesn’t matter what the excuses are if something bothers me the other thing that matters is if they don’t doing it or I leave. Because if something bothers it will continue to bother me and will never stop bothering me no
Do you ever experience people trying to change or fix you; trying to make you more like the idealized version they have in their heads?
I find that a good number of the women I date, or have dated, have a complete mental interworking of the relationship in which I am how they want me to be and not how I actually am. Despite being direct, honest and authentic with them, I am still met with their attempts to mold me into something I am not, nor have any desire to be. Often resulting in being called an asshole, cold or uncaring, or told that I lack understanding, that I’m not trying, etc…
Honestly I’ve realized this in my past relationships:
Some people have so much baggage, and you can try your hardest to help them heal, but if they don’t do their own self work nothing you do can help.
My ex had a-lot of baggage and when we broke up, guess what.. HE WENT STRAIGHT INTO A NEW RELATIONSHIP! It’s very, very messy and sadly a big thing because people don’t want to work on themselves or get help,therapy, self realization etc.. Never ending cycle of hurt, drama, and stress