~~I don’t actually know if she’s 50, I know she’s in her 50s based on stories she told me about her kids but you don’t ask a lady her age~~
So the story is: Ava had joined my place of work 3 months ago, and though shes established herself as a stickler for rules, she’s also really nice and I always have pleasant conversations with her. She’s younger, but her attitude and the stories she tells about her family and work kinda remind me of my own grandma. A couple of weeks ago Ava’s husband died suddenly. As in, the Friday we left work all of us were joking around about how much of a goofball he is, and then the Monday we come back our manager is telling us Ava will be gone indefinitely because he dropped dead over the weekend. Not gonna lie, I started to tear up when I was told this, even though I had never met him, but that’s not the point.
Ava’s going to be coming back to work on Monday, more specifically Ava and I will be working together. My manager gave her longer but Ava insisted she come back because she can’t bear to be alone in her house and wants some kind of routine. As far as I know, she’s been taking his death pretty hard, apparently she had been sobbing over the phone when she first told my manager and then was also inconsolable at his wake, which a couple of my coworkers attended. I’ve never experienced close death in my family before, and I have no idea what to say or do. I don’t want to be insensitive, but I’m also not sure if I should just talk to her like everything’s normal.
I wasn’t as close with her as a couple of my other coworkers, though that’s mostly due to the age gap and me being awkward. I really don’t want to be awkward or fuck something up, so I’m asking people here who have grieved a loved one before: what should I say to her? Should I do something noticeable or pretend like everything’s OK?
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2 comments
It’s essential not to hover, but instead subtly reassure her of your presence and support. She’ll undergo her own personal grieving journey, and the influx of people constantly checking on her might overwhelm her. So, gently make it known that you’re there, ready to help when she chooses to seek it. This balance gives her the necessary space while ensuring she knows she’s not alone.
Give her your condolences for her loss and perhaps a nice card with some thoughtful handwritten words, but don’t push her to talk about or expect her to act a certain way. She’s most likely in denial right now and will brush you off, but definitely don’t just act like nothing happened. Be human. Offer sympathy.