Hello, everyone! This is my first time writing a post in Reddit, I hope I can get advice in this situation that has been making me think for a while now.
I have a friend that always overthinks everything when we talk, specially when we text message. What makes it more problematic is that they tend to create a negative interpretation of what the others say, it is difficult for them to see the positive side of things. For example, we both like to draw a lot, so when I tell them that their drawing is awesome, they don’t accept my compliment and tell me that I’m lying and that in reality I don’t think that what they do is worth it. Then, when they feel sad and I try to support them telling them positive things, they will either say that no matter what I tell them it will have no impact on them, or tell me that my words help them a lot in a sarcastic tone. They usually say that their artistic work isn’t nice, and in response I tell them that they are a really talented person and that we (all the people that know them) know how talented and capable they are of doing so many magnificent things, but in the end my friend will just tell me that that has no effect on them. This happens with everything, from trying to support them when they didn’t do well in an exam, from trying to make them feel secure about themselves. As I also like to do art, they often compare their work with mine and say that their work is bad. When i tell them that I really admire what they do, they tell me that I know I can do much better than them, when that is not what I think. That makes me not want to share my work with them, because I don’t like having those types of conversations rising up, but then they get upset because I never share my work with them.
I really appreciate my friend, they are a very heart warmed person that I truly adore a lot, but I don’t know how to be a good supportive friend and say the right words that will be able to reach their heart. I don’t tend to talk a lot, I’m a really reserved person so my communication skills aren’t really the best, I don’t know how to properly express myself with words. I have tried to instead of giving short compliments, give compliments to my friend and then explain why I think those positive things are true to them, but again they say that that doesn’t really has any effect or they just ignore what I say.
I just wish to be a better friend, but I don’t know how to start. Thank you for reading, I hope all of you have a good day or night.
1 comment
As someone in your friends position, I can GUARANTEE that there is no issue between you and them. The issue is within them and they have to find ways to work through whatever it may be. The best help you can give them is to be NOTHING BUT YOURSELF. By all means and with all your power ignore those that tell you things like “this is a bad friend” or “this person shouldn’t be your friend”. I can attest that, through these difficult times I’m still going through, all I wanted my “friends” to do, was to be themselves. All the “help” was too overbearing and on the contrary us not talking or interacting at all further antagonized my issues. Now me and your friend have completely different situations, and I’m just giving perspective. But for both you and their sanity, don’t do too much and definitely don’t do too little. Let them work through their issues at THEIR pace/intensity, not yours. Hope this made sense and helps. 🙏🏽