They say nobody is perfect nor is he (M30) but I really love this man, see him as my future husband, to be father to my kids, an amazing son in law and what not! We really have a beautiful connection he spends all his time with me. However, I caught him cheating with someone recently and he said he is struggling to come out of that lifestyle that’s why he’s still not asked me to be his girlfriend.
I’m in my 20s and I dont wish to date for fun. I’d rather settle and I want to settle with him. But this behaviour clearly makes me quit this but I’m too deep in this.
PS: please don’t speak anything negative about my man that’ll break me too ❤️ I know he’s done horrible stuff but belittling anyone won’t bring me peace. I feel clueless and I know I should break up but is there any other step I could take?
30 comments
Oh sweetie, I’m gonna be as kind as I can honey when I say this. There isn’t any better steps to take than leaving him. He will keep cheating no matter where you are in your relationship. Please for your mental health and wellbeing leave him honey.
You see him as your future husband but he hasn’t even asked you to be a girlfriend, and obviously doesn’t like you as much as you like him? Come on girl.
The reality here, supported by research data, is that people who cheat on their partner more than once are very likely to continue their behavior. This will almost certainly keep happening. Forever.
So you have two choices: learn to live with it, or move on.
Learn to accept him for being for the streets (and that he will cheat on you) or just leave. There is not in between.
He doesn’t call you his girlfriend, he has never acknowledged you as one. You are not exclusive; he didn’t cheat.
You are in a situationship.
Wake up.
Dude, he doesn’t even call you his gf. He’s being a douche by stringing you along but he didn’t cheat. He can’t cheat without making a promise of exclusivity to you first.
Look at his actions, not his words.
Cheating is not a lifestyle. Stopping that behavior isn’t a “struggle” for anybody with a shred of decency. He hasn’t asked you to be his girlfriend “yet” because he wants to fool around with other women. Definitely don’t bring any children into this environment.
Tell him all of that and if he says he isn’t ready or goes on about how that’s difficult for him, leave him. He doesn’t respect you.
Technically he didn’t cheat bc you aren’t dating, he just hasn’t chosen you.
So right now you are waiting for him to choose you. Tell him you want to date exclusively. But honestly, you seem to like him wayyyy more than he likes you so I don’t see it faring well
You have two options here.
1) Break up so you can find a man who will be faithful to you.
2) Accept the fact he’s a cheater and continue to get cheated on.
Cheating is not an accident, it has nothing to do with “nobody being perfect”. Cheating is decision, it’s done so consciously, he didn’t just trip and fall into another woman’s vagina. Not only did he make that decision once, he made it twice. And what’s the consequence of that? Absolutely nothing because you’re still with him, and as long as you’re willing to stay with him he’s going to cheat again and again, because you’ve already shown him you’re okay with it and will stand by his side after he does it. Is that really the kind of man you want to marry and have children with? If you want to settle, then settle. It’ll cost you a lot of wasted time, money and heartbreak (and that of the kids) when he cheats and leaves you for that woman.
Have you two talked about being exclusive? Maybe he doesn’t want an official girlfriend because he’s not ready for commitment. You can’t force someone to give you the things you need from them. They have to want it. At 30, he should be self-aware enough to know what he wants and go after it! If he’s going after other girls instead of treating you right… I think that says it all, hun.
>PS: please don’t speak anything negative about my man that’ll break me too ❤️ and I know I should break up but is there any other step I could take?
Go get therapy. Try to find out why you hate yourself SO MUCH that you would allow a man like this to stay in your life.
He will ALWAYS and FOREVER cheat on you. You wanting to accept that means you have mental issues.
He won’t even call you his girlfriend? But you see him as your future husband? It really doesn’t sound like you guys are on the same page.
And I’m not even sure he “cheated” because he hasn’t committed to you.
He won’t ever stop. So you have to ask yourself if your ok with being cheated on your whole life. Maybe commit to an open relationship? If you’re ok with this. Maybe you can know his mistress so you know he isn’t just fucking everyone and endangering giving out stds.
Just because he’s cheating doesn’t mean that he’s going to suddenly stop trying to get with you. It’s up to you whether you want to share the responsibilities of raising children and maintaining a marriage with a guy who can’t commit to you.
Love him all you want but understand the man showed you what he’s like. Untrustworthy in every sense. You’re never “too deep”, it’s just laziness to give up on dating other people and stay with a guy who’s pretending to be Mr. Right to keep you hooked. He’s not special, just a run of the mill manipulator getting what he wants while you suffer.
Yikes.
It just depends. Do you want to be with someone who cheats on you?
Also, you might look into therapy if hearing someone insult him would hurt your feelings. That’s not normal.
You seem to have low self esteem and not really know who you are, what you want, or what you are worth.
I’m over 40, and I’ve learned it’s better to be alone than it is to be with the wrong person.
Gain some confidence. THEN start dating. It will make your life easier.
As someone who consistently cheated on his gf in college (10 years ago) there was nothing she could have done to help. I was a mess and looking for total female validation myself and had to figure that out on my own
You made a comment on your previous post that you two are in the dating stage, not the bf/gf stage. Therefore, he did not cheat
You’re a booty call that’s filling in the void that’s it. You’re coming off as crazy desperate and he sees it. You’ll be there on the side chasing him even when he’s found the person he wants to settle down with.
You’re ABSOLUTELY compromising on your self respect. He’s 30 years old and should know better. He definitely does not spend all his time with you if he’s seeing other people. He’s choosing to screw around, that’s not a “lifestyle”. It’s really hard not to “say” anything negative about him when his behavior is being a cheater. He’s definitely nor prioritizing you not he wants a relationship with you. You’re wasting your time with this guy. Please, go to therapy. You really need to work on your self-esteem. You need to prioritize yourself.
You sound stupid.
You do you, but this is kinda pathetic. Please want better for yourself.
Yes you are honestly. I know love can make us stupid blind really but if you forgive him a SECOND time, I promise you there be a 3rd and 4th time! Damn!
Sorry but this is absolutely frickin bonkers. You want him because other people are sleeping with him. It makes him look desirable in some fucked up way.
You’re being a doormat, a push over, someone to use and throw away when they feel like it. And you’re happy to enable that with a total lack of self respect or thought for the future.
And it’s all okay because he knows you’ll welcome him back with open arms. Free pass for life. Great example to set to your future children seeking a man with those qualities and will likely be vagrant anyways. Seriously. He will do it again and again and it will destroy you over time. This is the harsh reality of it. No rainbows or butterfly’s here and I’m trying to give you a reality check. Please think about the future. People want the best for you.
Just trying to understand, is it cheating if you are not his girlfriend? Are you saying you agreed to be exclusive?
So does he know that you think you’re exclusive?
Seems fake
How can he cheat on you if you’re not his girlfriend
How is he cheating if you’re not his girlfriend? Either way, leave this man. You’re 100% compromising your self respect.
hey there! I’m sorry you’re going through this. It’s extremely tough to get out of especially when you feel so strongly. I’ve been in this situation before and let it play out and let me tell you from my own experience – at least for your own self respect, walk away. It doesn’t have to be forever – you’re young. But at least get to a point where you don’t NEED him. I would suggest talking to a therapist and getting some advice in how you see your own value. This doesn’t mean that you don’t have a future with him, but if you keep letting him walk all over you, he won’t respect you and will only view you as a toy. If you want to be serious with him, you need to show him you’re serious because words don’t necessarily matter with men. Funny enough, when you respect yourself and show them you don’t need them sometimes they come around! I’m not saying that you should do all of this just to hope to get back with him but if he’s doing this, maybe you should get out there and see for yourself what you really want. This is YOUR life – don’t let someone else write your script. 🤍