Okay so to start I’m sorry I’m ranting I’m just angry and hurt. A couple months back my GF(24F)and her parents bought surprise tickets for us and them to all celebrate their 30th wedding anniversary. Only one problem I (24M)didn’t have a passport and the trip was a month away. Now I’m in the army and I’m stationed in Alaska. I love with my girlfriend and we have a great relationship or so I thought. Anyways there is no emergency passport agency in anchorage so I spend 900 dollars to fly to Seattle last minute. 100 dollars each way for an Uber to the passport agency. And 250 for the emergency travel passport. Plus her birthday would be our first day in Cancun together so I spend an additional 3-400 dollars on a nice gift for her because I love her and want to get her something nice. Fast forward we fly to Cancun and her and I immediately start not getting along. I feel as though she has been dismissive of me now that she’s around her family and my last straw was her walking out on me mid sentence. So now I’m harboring anger. I’ve got a belly full of tequila and I feel like a clown. We get into again later that day and out of anger I told her when we get back I want her to pack her things and the dogs with her. Very immature and wrong of me I get it. I am an asshole and I shouldn’t have let anger dictate me that way. So she storms out of the room and goes downstairs and parties with her brother and some friends they made at the bar. She’s upset understandingly. Anyways the party moves back to her brothers room two doors down from me and they are all out on the balcony if his room. I wake up to the sound of everyone singing as I fell asleep with my balcony door open. She then proceeds to tell her family and strangers how I’m a fucking pussy and a bitch and all the things I’ve ever done wrong. The whole crowd proceeds to make gagging noises and clowns me for at least an hour and I’m hearing everything. I proceed to drink all night and go down to the beach and watch the sunset and decompress from everything I just heard. Around noon when everyone wakes up the brother texts me trying to hangout and that he wants me and my girlfriend to work things out. I talk to her and let her know I heard everything. She said she was angry and thought we were broke up and we just start fighting. Meanwhile her mom suddenly gets bacterial meningitis and is in the damn hospital and she’s begging me to stay. I feel like a clown either way and am hurt that she would air our issues out to family and strangers then proceed to talk down on my character then beg me to stay. What do I do. I am staying because I love and respect the mother and wish her the best. My question is wheat should I do when I get back home with her?
30 comments
Leave, go home. Angry or not, broken up or not, you don’t tell people secrets from your relationship. That’s exactly what she did. She aired everything about you to family and strangers.
This relationship is already done. So her mom isn’t your problem. If she has a problem with breaking up, tell her to keep shit to herself in her next relationship.
Shes feeling brave because her whole family is there but her tone will change once its the both of you. Shes been disrespectful
You should leave. A person should never air dirty laundry in front of others. Because whether you get back together or not family and friends will think you’re an asshole. She did wrong by you. And I hate to be a pessimist, but often once there is a crack in the foundation of a relationship the relationship eventually crumbles.
Leave or better yet keep the flight and book another hotel at another resort. You are young and should not put up with this BS.
I’d likely grey rock her till i’m home, then dump by text.
Sounds like you broke up. Keep it that way. Get another hotel, party up, and fly back whenever your return flight is. When you get back home and pack her things and have her take the dogs with her.
I mean, can you ever trust her again to not tell everyone everything about you whenever you have a fight? Really low of her.
Leave. Anyone that would talk shit about you behind your back is not worth your time. That is seriously messed up.
What should you do? You should fuck her off and tell her to take all her shit with her or you’ll dump it.
She sounds like the kind of drama you could do without, especially if you’re away from home for long periods of time.
She doesn’t sound like a ‘stand by your man’ kind of girl although we all have our off days. Or fortnights.
Don’t do anything crazy to give her ammunition. Once you get back, break up with her smoothly and cut off contact. There’s no reconciliation here. I’ve seen people go ballistic over things like this and it doesn’t end well. Best to calmly remove yourself from the situation, and reach out to your trusted friends and tell them what happened so you have a stable support system. You deserve better, and will find someone who won’t screw you over like this.
I think you should leave… I’m in the Navy so I know you’re also using up your leave days to stay there with her. It’s not worth it
You were clowned, and you may be a clown, brother. You’re both young, she wants to play. What would you tell your boy if he was you and asking you for advice?
You can say a lot of bad in the heat of anger. Maybe stuff you don’t necessarily mean, but definitely stuff you can’t take back. And people who love you LOVE to shit on anyone, including a bf in an argument. The last thing she should’ve done is run to her family and bad talk you. These people don’t know you well. They don’t know you and your gf’s dynamic. So their only view of you in through the negative things your gf has to say. That’s a very difficult impression to fix.
You are right, though your anger is justified, you shouldn’t have reacted the way you did. So some backlash is expected.
The best course of action (if you’re not willing to break up) is discuss the issue with your gf. Let her know that you’re feeling dismissed. Tell her you understand she’s enjoying time with her family, but that you’d appreciate her trying to include you in these things. You’re the outsider. She’s the bridge between her family and yourself. She’s also the one who invited you. She should be trying her best to include you and make you a part of the group.
I have a feeling she didn’t really mean for you to come. I highly doubt she didn’t know about the trip until a month ahead of time. Trips like these are planned way in advance. I get the feeling she invited you but didn’t plan on you actually being able to go, knowing your situation, especially with the way she’s treating you.
Unfortunately there’s no real way to know. Your best fix here is to just sit down and discuss the issue (alone) and try and work through it. I’ll be honest, after hearing how she talks about you when she thinks you aren’t listening, and the things you heard her family say, I can’t imagine you being able to work past this. What she did and said was very hurtful, and just shows that in anger, she has no control over what she says. And really neither do you. I think you both have a bit of growing up to do, and it’s best you do it separately.
Well, I suggest buying a clown costume and surprising her! Just kidding, maybe have a serious talk and work things out like adults.
Both of you are making poor decisions, fuelled by drink and anger. Instead of communicating, you got drunk and allowed that to drive your confrontation, she then did the same knowing you were within earshot.
The pair of you need to put the alcohol away, and actually have a conversation.
Leave her there, go home, pack up her shit and tell her she can pick up her stuff when she gets back.
Why aren’t you leaving???
If you’d realized like a day earlier you didn’t want it you’d have been a thousand dollars richer. Holy shit. Did she even say thank you??
It’s fine that she was mad at you for doing what you did but her reaction at the party is just wild af. That’s disrespectful and I would not allow myself to be treated that way.
Be honest with yourself here. Do you believe her behavior will change after you get back?
I’d stick around for the rest of the trip since you paid a shit ton to go and push through and take some pics since it’s probably beautiful. I’d bounce as soon as I got back.
Leave.
You have seen her true colours.
You deserve better
Leave and keep the breakup permanent.
Sounds like a toxic relationship with a ton of emotional immaturity.
Break up and cut all contact with her. Enjoy whatever time you have in cancun on your own. Find a hookup, make new friends, have fun and go back to your life in Alaska.
Though I’m curious, I am not going to read that. One giant run-on paragraph.
Think it through. Food. Clothes. School. Shelter.
If the Army wanted you to have a girlfriend they would have issued you one
I didnt even know there was such a thing as an emergency passport. What were u initially fighting about? U didnt say.
Get your own hotel room first. Then fly back to Alaska. You’ve done too much damage to stay.
Whether you meant to or it was the tequila talking, you *did* dump your girlfriend when you told her to get her stuff and move out when she got back. There’s no other reasonable way to interpret that. Meanwhile, your ex-girlfriend’s mother is seriously ill and you and your XGF already put a damper on her anniversary trip with your fighting.
(Edits b/c I accidentally hit post)
This is RA, not AITA, so I’m not going to pass judgment on any of you. But what I will say to you is:
* Get therapy and learn some anger management and de-escalation techniques. From what you describe, you had several points where you could have de-escalated this and it wouldn’t be a crisis.
* QUIT DRINKING until you learn some emotional control and anger management. You coped with feeling humiliated by drinking hard alcohol and any filters you may have had vanished. Be honest with yourself—would you have said half of what you did if you hadn’t been drinking?
* If you want to pay your respects to her mother, visit *once,* apologize for your behavior, and go. Wish her well.
* Do NOT act like a jerk when you get back to Alaska and your ex-girlfriend comes to pack her stuff and moves out. You might consider asking a mutual friend to be there when she’s packing, so you don’t have to be there.
It’s not the main issue here but man, you have to learn how to say no and how to manage your money better.
They surprise you with a ticket to cancun but you have no passport? “Thank you so much but ny passport is out of date and I can’t get a new one while I’m here in Alaska” end of. You don’t spend $1,250 for a new passport, that is insane! And then 300-400 on a birthday gift after that?? Are you made of money????
I’d catch the next flight out. Drunkenly breaking up when you were angry was an immature move but that’s nothing compared to the level of disrespect she showed. She immediately went and disrespected you to her family strangers. She showed you who she is and how much she cares about you. It’s likely she knew you could hear too. How do you come back from that?
What exactly the issue? It seems she was having fun with her family and you seemed uninterested because she doesnt give you her 100% attention? I dont quite get it, vacation supposed to be fun and seems one of you try to ruin at best
First off, you both need to lay off the alcohol if it makes you argue over bullshit and say unkind things. Seems to me that was the only real difference in the trip, was constant drunkenness. My guess is you tallied up that money every time she did something you didn’t like, just like you did for us.
You BOTH said unkind things to or about each other. If you’re often unkind to one another and excuse it with the other persons behavior, the you both aren’t mature enough for a relationship. You both sound exhausting and can’t handle your alcohol.
No relationship is perfect, but healthy relationships don’t operate the way yours does.
You’re young. It sounds like you both would be happier in the long run to go your separate ways. There are things that we can’t take back, and you did one of those things and so did she.
You’re both crazy young and sound like you both need to mature before being ready for a healthy, successful adult relationship. So go do that. And she can go and do that too. And in your future, when you have a healthy, stable long term relationship, you’ll be glad you did. It’ll be much better than this immature, toxic mess that you’re calling a relationship now.