Relationships that last for years, even decades are something you are ultimately unable to fully explain to an outsider.
The main problem with this subreddit is spouses giving a biased glimpse into their marriage and relationship while explaining a problem for the redditors. Most often these posts resemble an effort to give a colored, biased version of a particular story and then wait to be reinforced with a confirmation bias from replies that he/she is correct and the spouse is wrong and should be ditched.
This wouldn’t otherwise as obtrusive as it is for me, but thinking about if this subreddit actually destroys relationships and marriages with little information and expertise from the people that reply is disheartening.
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I think this sub is a place for people to freely express themselves in an anonymous way which allows them to process their feelings. I don’t think anyone is leaving here after posting like “welp, it’s time for a divorce because Reddit told me to do it.”
You have to remember that a lot of people wind up on a sub like this because they are having issues in their own relationships. Without context for the overall relationship (which is impossible to write out) a lot of people jump right to ending relationships which is very complicated with a marriage and even more so when kids are involved. Unless someone is in real danger I rarely jump to that. One thing I will say about the comments here. There is a lot of black and white (good or bad) thinking going on which is rarely helpful.
We can only go by the information given, knowing well it may be biased.
If the story is biased, and they’re looking for a reason to leave, then why should it be up to us to tell them not to?
You will never get the full picture into someone’s life on the internet so maybe giving advice on reddit isn’t for you.
Advice given on Reddit isn’t ruining peoples marriages. I see a lot of people being given great advice, alternate perspectives, and much of the time those alternate perspectives are appreciated because people post here for one of two reasons: 1) they legitimately want feedback from others because they KNOW they are biased and want help knowing if they are in the wrong or how other people have dealt with similar issues successfully…. Or 2) they have already made up their mind that the marriage is beyond repair and they do want confirmation/ to vent about the situation. In which case…. Their mind is made up already. Unfortunately a lot of people in marriages end up pretty isolated with no one to talk through these issues with. Not everyone can ask people in their families or friend groups for advice, and if they did that advice would certainly be more biased than people who don’t know them personally ( like those on this sub)…
Even if you are asking someone you know irl for advice, someone who has known you for years, they will still be giving advice based on a partial view of your relationship. No one will ever know every single detail of your relationship, even your partner. They don’t see what goes on inside your head or how you are when they’re not around. You take everything with a grain of salt and you do your best to be helpful in your own way with the information you are given.
> Most often these posts resemble an effort to give a colored, biased version of a particular story and then wait to be reinforced with a confirmation bias from replies that he/she is correct and the spouse is wrong and should be ditched.
If some people are looking for that, then they are already out the door and don’t really need Reddit to tell them.
Like all free advice on the internet, your ability to get good advice varies widely. But nobody who was in a good, healthy and secure relationship comes here and ends up in a divorce because of it.
If you don’t want to participate here, that’s fine. It’s not the airport. No need to announce your departure.
I think you’re giving too much credit to a public place where people feel safe to vent. Biased? Isn’t everything? You can tell me your side of the story and it could be vastly different from your partners. So? That’s life.
Have you ever seen an an investigation where they interview witnesses to a crime? “No, officer. I swear it was a Black SUV”. Yeah, turns out it wasn’t.
People play at their own risk. We are not going to be co-dependent and responsible for HOW they consume information. That would be chaos.
If you post to Reddit and make decisions based on people’s responses, *you*are destroying your relationship, not the redditors who respond.
All one can do is go with what’s said and ask follow-up questions. We’re not marriage therapists, and the OP is aware of this fact.