TLDR: I (34F) don’t feel heard in this relationship. My boyfriend ( M32) makes everything about him. There were recent developments today and I feel like I’ve reached my limit.
Today, I made arrangements for ally pets to be delivered to my family home so I’m getting ready to ship them this week. My family is very animal loving and there’s already a very large catio built in my side of the house. My parents have their own pets in a very safe and spacious enclosed area, so there will be no issues.
I’m currently feeding 6 stray cats that I need to take home because 1) the local rescues took thousands into a free range shelter network and I said I would take care of these cats 2) I feed them 3) my boyfriend is very jealous of them and I’m sure he will not continue to feed them 4) one of the cats really loves me and waits for me patiently every night 5) another cat weighted 2 pounds and was severely malnourished but bounce back amd weights 5 pounds now. I can’t just abandon him. So I’ll just try to catch one or two each day for vet work. I have been given them flea treatment. This has been another situation with my boyfriend because he was pissed at the attention I give to the cats.
He got insulted AND rejected today by two different women in a non relationship or romantic situation. I asked him what is really happening and his response and cure all solution is ” when I get powerful and own a business, I’ll show them”. Also fantasizing about a life where is feared and respected. I can’t do this. I ended up going to my place and avoiding bis calls because he’s reeling and I don’t want the emotional dumping.
I want answers and I’m not getting anything. Two different people who presumably don’t know each other can’t hate the same person for no reason. He gets mad because of my questions and says just like the others and that I’m walking all over him.
I need advice on handling the pre breakup conversation. Right now, his head is spinning and he won’t be able to focus.
2 comments
I truly don’t think it’s safe for you to have a pre-break up conversation. The man is so insecure, he’s jealous of animals you’re taking care of. I think you get your ducks in a row, meet him in a public place or text him that you’re leaving.
Do not give him the opportunity to stop you, harm you, or the animals you’re taking care of.
I can’t help but feel a little scared for you while I was reading this. I’m just so glad that you’re obviously secure enough of a person to see him for what he is and not get manipulated by the abuse.
He sounds mentally unstable right now. Who knows from what, it could be many different reasons. When my brother was like this it was drugs and when a friend went through this kind of grandiose, controlling abusive thing it turned out he was bipolar. But really it doesn’t matter the cause, the end result is its abusive and you’re not required to be treated that way by anyone. I hope he one day gets help for whatever is going on with him.
Meanwhile you need to put your safety first. Personally I would break up over text in this situation or somewhere very public. I would be on guard over the next few months especially as he sound unstable and might do something stupid. Hopefully not but always best to be overly cautious with someone like this.
I’d keep the interaction very short and try not to discuss anything too much as it could escalate him and make him angry. Just the relationship isn’t working, good luck with your life going forward. Wish him the best and then cut him off.
Please be safe!!