I just graduated college and I’m moving to a city about 6 hours away from the town in which I grew up and went to school. I’m only 22 and I was just curious what you wish you had known and what you wish you had different at my age. Could be related to anything: career, finances, friendships, girls, etc – any advice is very much appreciated.
Honestly, I’m just pretty nervous for this new chapter in my life but I’m excited and embracing the change that is going to be here soon. Thanks!
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Brakes, oil change, swap out a faucet or light fixture. Wash your ass.
Take the time to learn how to make at least a dozen or so meals. Will save you money in the long run (it amazes me how many of my coworkers eat out for almost every meal), and it is just a good skill to have that many people neglect.
Stay in touch with friends from back home but be prepared to lose a few because some people are just terrible at staying in touch
Don’t bury yourself in debt unless its guaranteed to make you money (like a mortgage)
Don’t automatically think the person you’re with is marriage material, life is a long journey.
Enjoy your family and friends young… because we all get old, drift apart and die eventually. Treat the present like nostalgia, because that’s exactly what it is.
Have fun and make mustakes you know you shouldn’t do when you’re over 35.
Oh god, there’s so much I wish I knew back then! What you should focus on will depend very much on your specific circumstances.
I’ll boil it all down to one simple adage: **your life will take the shape of the accumulation of micro-decisions and habits**. No matter who you want to be, what you want to do, where you want life to take you—it all comes down to the little things you do every day.
So if you want to get into better shape, for example, start building the habits you need to get there. You don’t make it there by going full beast mode on day one; you get there by making small changes that create good habits to build upon. If you’re extremely sedentary and out of shape, maybe that looks like going for a walk every day to start. Hell, if you’re living a really off-balance lifestyle, maybe it comes down to fixing your sleeping patterns first.
Trust me, take the smallest, most incremental improvement you can imagine, then cut that in half and focus on that goal only at first. The more successes you have, the more you’ll boost yourself and your confidence. That little stuff really snowballs.
If you’re moving away somewhere that you don’t know anyone, you have an amazing opportunity to reinvent yourself! Don’t be afraid to get our of your comfort zone, and definitely seek out the kinds of people you want to be like—it’s human nature to take on the traits, habits, and values of those we spend the most time with!
You don’t know everything. And that’s fine.
Talk to anyone and everyone. Try to make friends, because you’ll realize how easy it is to be lonely once you’re out of the college bubble.
Put effort into making a new set of friends. Be social. Put yourself out there. A mistake I made was keeping turning down co-workers my age that were inviting me to stuff (I kept putting it off since I had other things I was busy with, but I could have rearranged the schedule). Eventually they stopped inviting me to stuff.
Dont chase women. Chase yourself always.
For me the most important lesson was that relationships drive the world. I was a smart kid, got good grades and did well in school by just putting my head down and getting on with it. Not the case when progress is no longer delineated by exams!
For example, you need to work hard and be good at your job to get promoted, of course, but for that baseline of good performance to then turn into leverage to get the promotion, you need a good relationship with the people at the decision-making table. It will make your life a whole lot easier to have someone on your side, and it doesn’t often cost more than just a bit of talk every now and then and getting to know someone, even if they’re not someone you’d naturally be friends with.
Likewise, it’s not just about the senior people – being friends with the receptions, the office admin, the admin at your gym, being friendly to shop staff, whatever, will all make your life easier when you have problems related to their area and also frankly more pleasant in general just to have people who like you and you get on with.
The second most important thing was that there really is no better time than now for 90% of what’s come up in my life. Or, at least, now is always the second-best time to try something, after yesterday. School for example was the perfect sandbox to practise public speaking; if you didn’t take advantage of that, then your 20s as a junior staff member is the next perfect time, because it’s sure as hell nicer to become more senior with the skill already under your belt. And if you didn’t do it in your 20s, then your 30s as a more senior person is better than waiting later still – but a little less inconsequential than your 20s, which are a little less inconsequential than your school years.
In other words, push yourself out of your comfort zone whenever you can in terms of personal development. If you spent these years playing to your strengths but also developing your weakness, you’ll go into your 30s feeling a whole lot more confident than many of your peers and with a whole range of skills and mentalities that will help you with your personal and work life.
Third most important thing was to be yourself. I don’t mean that in the sense of “never change, just be you” – of course you need to develop, of course you need to dress up for that important event even if you’re more comfortable in sweatpants, of course you need to put your best foot foward. What I mean is that you are a unique combination of “stuff” and you need to own that! Trying to hide parts of yourself where you don’t need to is exhausting and actually being “authentic” is what makes you stand out and memorable.
If you don’t fit whatever stereotype or pressure your social/professional circle expects, so what – own it! I saw someone talking once about how she was horrified, as a banker going into a pitch, that her colleague went and told the client that she was also a gospel singer in her spare time – they’d never take her seriously! – but on the contrary, they learnt something about her, they felt they knew her a bit better and she stood out from anyone else.
I find this applies in anything: for dates, for example, I put my best self forward of course in terms of dressing nicely etc, but I don’t try and put on a front. I am who I am, my hobbies might be a bit dorky but I will happily chat away about them, I’ll answer questions totally honestly and, tbh, I had pretty good success in dating and it seemed to reciprocate in terms of not being ghosted on or just that I was treated well rather than as just another randomer trying to impress.
Also, random things make sure you’re up on:
* Exercise: Start an exercise habit if you haven’t already, or at the very least, stretch stretch stretch and stay flexible!
* Grooming: I’m sure you do anyway and this generation is hot on it, but things like skincare, keeping yourself properly clean, nice scent, etc
* Fashion: Experiment and find what suits you if you haven’t already, thinking especially about cut and colour
* Cooking: Make sure you can cook at least one or two weeks of meals from scratch and eat healthily where you can
* DIY: As and when problems occur, try and increase your knowledge of how to fix things so you’re not always reliant on calling people out
Above all, cliche but true, have fun! I bloody loved my twenties apart from the bit with Covid, lived in lots of different places, worked in some cool places, came out of it in a great relationship, picked up a sport and generally felt pretty unrecognisable from 21 compared to 30.
Cooking and cleaning are basic life skills. Learn to take care of yourself, and expect the same of anybody you date so you don’t waste your life needing someone you hate or being a butler for some self absorbed asshole.
Get all of the drinking/smoking and terrible eating habits out of your system young. That shit can catch up with you a lot faster than you can catch back up once you stop running.
Open a ROTH IRA account
You are dumber than you think, much dumber.
Also old man advice should be taken seriously, they are trying to help you.
Didn’t think it back then but now as I get older it’s amazing how little I knew even though I was one of the smarter ones.
Start investing in long term blue chip ETF’s now with a solid yield. Just make sure to reinvest your dividends like once a year. Do it in a tax free account if you can.
Read some books: Atomic Habits, Wealthing like rabbits, rich dad poor dad, etc. its okay tk get through them slowly just be consistent.
Don’t forget to enjoy yourself in the moment. You’ll have the things you work for someday but you wont have your youth again. Enjoy it, so activities, go outside.
Learn to be accountable for your actions. Its up to you to set yourself up for the future and nobody owes you anything. At all. Don’t expect any help, but be grateful when you get it.
Don’t get hungup on things that won’t matter in a week or a month. Lifes to short for that shit. Meditating actually works. At least, it makes u think it does. Lifes better when you’re more relaxed.
There is no race. Your 20s will fly by but you can’t see that right now.
Go do things, travel, party, screw, trail hiking, whatever. If you do not want accidental offspring, then think with the head closest to the sky. If that last sentence didn’t make sense, re-read it.
Life will be there when you hit 30.
The only constant in life is change
Your health is number one. Start a routine to keep yourself healthy
always wear a rubber
If you’re into woman, dont chase them. woman in your age group arent worth it.
Party less
take job risks. meaning if the job pays more, take it!
learn how to fix things.
Learn to enjoy healthier habits like regular exercise, healthier foods, taking care of your teeth.
Learn to cook and clean up after yourself. Don’t fall into the trap of expecting women to do it for you.
Talk about your feelings to your guy friends. Learn to hug your guy friends.
Be social but don’t put too much weight on friendships. They will come and go. Always put your wants and needs first, until you have kids. Never change plans or goals for someone else. Don’t be ashamed or downplay who you are and what your hobbies are to anyone. Never stop learning. Teach yourself to live on a pretty strict budget no matter how much you make. Start investing as soon as you can afford to. Protect yourself and your health at all costs. Refer to all of the above in regards to relationships with women.
How to fucking cook…
– Most girls don’t really want porn sex – they don’t want to take it in the ass, they don’t want it shoved down their throat, and they don’t want to be choked. If they tell you they don’t like that stuff, then respect that.
– You should clean your home and keep it clean. If you can’t muster up the motivation to clean it, hire someone. If you can’t afford to hire someone, then muster up the fucking motivation to clean it. Don’t be a fucking slob. There’s zero excuse to have a filthy home.
– Don’t be the lame who has nothing going on in their life except playing video games. Unless you’re somehow making a living playing video games, it’s a worthless time suck. It’s ok to do it some, but it advances nothing worthwhile in your life other than wasting time. If you must play, try to limit it to like 2 hrs per day.
Don’t be afraid to change careers.
Some thoughts:
* You’ll be high on adrenaline the first few days you move to your new city. Then it wears off and you start seeing all the things you don’t like. That’s ok. Your highs at the very beginning and your hangover after are likely not how you’ll feel day to day. The great things become more mundane, but the things you don’t like you get used to. Don’t make any snap decisions on your move, give it 3-6 months.
* LIVE in your new city and job. Make connections, make friends, get out, be forward. It takes time and energy, but almost always bears fruit. It may not feel like home after 6-12 months, but if you invest yourself in your area chances are it will start to feel like home in 12-24 months. Seems like a long time, but it isn’t.
* If you can, live in a way that allows you to save a little. Have a nest egg of some kind you can draw on. You may not need it, but it will give you peace of mind.
* In your career, always think about where you want to be as much as where you are.
* Be your best self, but be *yourself*. In your job, with your friends, with women. If you have to be someone other than yourself to get those things 1) you won’t be happy long term and 2) you won’t be able to keep it up and people will see through it. Be yourself and let everything else sort out around that.
Don’t fuck your coworkers. No exceptions.
Not to rush into marriage!!!!!!
Brew some solid friendships because in your 30s it’s damn hard to even make a good friend.
Having a small social circle is better than not having one at all
Save your money, save your heart for the one who is worthy, safe your time for those who deserve it
Know how to change your oil, tires, and breaks.
To call your parents weekly.
Don’t expect anything from anyone.
Mental health is as important as your physical health
Don’t settle
Just lead the Harvey Specter lifestyle and attitude in your own sector and you will be straight.
“Take care of your mind. Take care of your body. Take care of your chicken.”
– Marshawn Lynch
Financial:
– Start your 401k now and if you can put in $100-150 per week, do it. The more you put, the more you’ll be able to retire with. You’re at a great age to start.
– make friends in real estate and look into saving money and getting an 1 investment property or more. You may not make money off of it now, but you will sooner or later.
Friendships:
– the people around you are either going to bring you up or down. Be around people who will lift you up.
– you will sooner or later be affected by the peoples attitudes you surround yourself with.
Relationship:
– most don’t believe this, but I believe marrying someone sooner than later is a better way of life. Don’t find someone forcefully, but if you do find someone, build a life with them and have kids at an earlier age. Many people are getting married older and having kids older. You don’t want to be in your mid 50’s when your kids turn 18. You want to be able to have fun with them and enjoy them.
– cherish the woman you are going to marry. LOTS of temptations and distractions will come into your life. **Don’t get distracted by them.**. The same would go to her.
– after 10-15 yrs of marriage, married life can get boring. You only get what you put in. When you, or your SO, stop putting in effort, is when your relationship will start deteriorating.
These are all things I wish I knew in my early 20’s.
Always have a bit of cash no one knows about.
Getting in good physical condition is easier for you now than it will be later. Work your core.
Sharing your innermost feelings with anyone else is always a bad idea.
Most con games start with “can you help me”.
Joint bank accounts are for chumps.
this is the most important decade to improve your station in life, largely by setting yourself up for future success. it doesnt happen by accident, no one will do it for you, it takes intentionality.
The greatest skill you can develop is learning to be alone: You will become resilient and appreciate real relationships.
It’s ok to go outside and enjoy things you like by yourself. whether it’s simply walking a park to enjoy the weather or finally going in on that experience you’ve always wanted to do. Going at life by yourself teaches you a lot about who you are as a person. you may find quirks that need to be worked on or discover a new spot/mindset that helps you to continue growing. Good luck on your life friend and always remember the enjoy the now!
Invest all your time into self awareness and be open to admitting you’re naive and full of mistakes- constantly. Truly observe yourself as if you’re someone you don’t know. Take note into your actions and how they differ from your thoughts about yourself. You can’t improve if you aren’t willing to admit you’re not all you could be. I think classically, people graduate college, and then there’s no incentive to grow. You’ll encounter a lot of people now who clearly haven’t grown from 22 and still want to live like they’re 22. Don’t be an old infant. Learn and genuinely grow into who you’re going to be.
Really take care of your body. That means the three pillars: sleep, diet, exercise. No one can genuinely prepare you for the lower back pain, the hangovers, or the inability to heal as fast. You really need to take care of your meat vehicle.
Adult friendships are hard to find. You don’t have a class or reason to see people daily outside of work perhaps. Join a club or hobby. Figure out what you like and don’t like.
Don’t grow distant from your family. Communication is what keeps a relationship up to date. I’ve had a rude reckoning of visiting home years later and my whole family is fixed and stagnant and thinks I’m still 18. This applies for friendships and romantic endeavors too.
Focus on articulation. There’s no greater power than communicating clearly. It makes almost every facet of your life easier. With attention/awareness you can identify problems. With communication, you can give it shape and convince people why it’s a problem, and propose a solution. That’s so unbelievable invaluable.
This helped me a lot in my youth and I still revisit often. Learn [how to think.](https://youtu.be/DCbGM4mqEVw) You will need some kind of framework to stop from growing bitter and resentful.
One of the most valuable things every man should know is how to admit when were wrong, learn from it, and not be unnecessarily ashamed about it. In short, how to grow
Can’t agree enough about the not chasing ladies comments. As someone who wasted most of their twenties trying to make a relationship work… What a waste of youth. Enjoy your youth, get life experience. Travel if you can.
Don’t forget to chase a career… Not just the money. So many friends of mine all went to work the oil rigs for quick money as labourers. Now most are divorced, have broken bodies, had/have drug habits, etc.
Enjoy the time you have. Don’t even think of settling down, getting married, kids etc unless you are absolutely sure. People change drastically from 20-30 IMO and that ruins alot of relationships.
Number 1 – It is better to stay silent and look stupid than to open your mouth and prove it.
Number 2 – Ignore the news of the day. It generally makes for shitty divisive conversation. It is tiring.
Number 3 – Do not focus on the achievements of others.
Number 4 – Marry the person who you want to become your best friend. Never fucking let them down. Ever.
Number 5 – Be proud of yourself and your appearance.
Number 6 – Look for good mentors. When you find them watch them carefully. They won’t be looking for proteges.
Number 7 – Travel as much as you can.
Number 8 – Stay open to possibility but keep expectations low.
Number 9 – Treat others like you want to be treated and treat yourself like you treat others.
Number 10 – Read as much as you can and absorb a variety of information. Stay curious. Put what you gather to meaningful use in your life.
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(This is a list I’m compiling for my children. They are very young and I want them to have it after I’m gone.)
Your colleagues are not your friends.
* Maintain relationships with your friends. Men having friends into their 30s and 40s is rare and treasured.
* If you haven’t yet, get in shape and build your strength. Building your strength now will pay out exponentially as you get older.
* DO NOT miss employment opportunities. If a good opportunity reveals itself, take a shot. Don’t let decision paralysis or nervousness prevent you from possibly improving your career. otherwise, you’ll find yourself stuck.
* You are a man now, people don’t care about you anymore. It’s sad and needs to change, but it’s true. Don’t let it make you bitter.
Do all the cool shit BEFORE you settle into car payments and rents and wives and kids and for gods sake don’t get a pet if you want to be able to travel. You can do cool shit before or after, but it is really hard to go live on a cruise ship for six months if you have an apartment and a dog to deal with.
Really, go do some stupid shit while you have that flexibility. You can settle later.
Don’t keep any of your medicine in the bathroom. The on-average higher temperature and humidity causes them to degrade quicker
Build yourself a strong career and stay busy with it…
Control your tongue
Build good strong manners
Do not get arrested
Do not drive under the influence
Avoid street fights
Have fun with women
Get your teeth cleaned every 6 months
20s is still essentially kid years. It’s your first steps into the real world and figuring yourself out. You will change a lot. People around you will change as well, and not always for better. It’s ok to let go of old relationships if they are not good for you.
Be financially responsible. If there’s anything I could change it’s my old spending habits. I was stupid and I’m still paying for it (literally)
Don’t let employers brainwash you. They aren’t your family and you do not owe them more than your job entails. Do not sacrifice your mental, physical or emotional health for a job. Especially in your 20s when you don’t have a career. If you do have a career path plotted out, still don’t sacrifice happiness for work.
Always be looking for new jobs. Figure out what you like and what you want to do. Most of us don’t love what we do. But finding something you don’t mind doing is better than doing something that sucks the life out of you.
Understand that how you spend your days is ultimately how you spend your life.
Especially avoid wasting your time on social media. It’s the new tobacco. It’s addictive and ruining mental health of young people all over the world.
To stop, look at cognitive behavioral models. In short: figure out how to deal with negative emotions like boredom, anxiety, FOMO… Social media is not a time management problem, but an emotion management one. Then, reduce cognitive biases, learn to accept cravings without acting on them, and be intentional whenever you use social media (ask yourself: why did I open Instagram?).
If you do that, you will gain hours each day that you can spend for whatever is meaningful to you.
NOTE: For those interested, I have a post on r/nosurf that talks deeper about this topic and has more actionable steps to reduce overuse of social media