My husband and I have been married for a long time. In that time I have gone up and down with his family. His brother however has always been awful to me.
He’s called me a paki
He has sexually touched me without my consent
Over all he’s either horrible to me or hitting on me.
Last year I was r*ped and then later sexually assaulted. It’s something I’m working on but it’s a slow journey to heal.
We fell on hard times and my husbands brother offered us some help. I was hesitant but assured that he’s been working on himself and that he just wanted to help. Well that lasted a whole 2 weeks, they got into a fight and his brother proceeded to tell me that my husband told him what happened to me. That who would want to f**k a fat b*tch and how I’m disgusting and that I’m probably lying about. All that didn’t bother me because I know through therapy it wasn’t my fault.
However, I’m really upset at my husband. He told something that wasn’t his to tell, but what’s worse is he told someone that has never been kind to me, he told someone who went and then used it as a way to hurt me.
Am I justified in this, or should I let it go since he can’t control what his brother does.
12 comments
Your husband broke your trust. You are justified.
It definitely wasn’t your husband’s place to tell ANYONE, never mind the one person who’s always treated you so horribly. I’m so sorry he used your trauma against you. And yes, you’re 100% justified.
You should not let this go. It’s true he can’t control his brother but he can control himself and he knew of his brothers lack of compassion
Why are you still married to a man that did not protect you against his brothers actions?
Your husbands actions are not in good faith.
Friend, you need to re-evaluate your life completly. Is this how you wanna live for the nexts decades?
Your husband broke your trust in a way that he should absolutely have known would hurt you. He knew better. While his brother is responsible for his own actions, your husband is responsible for having armed him and made you vulnerable to him, as well as betraying your trust. I would absolutely not let that go, and frankly my ability to trust him would be impacted.
You’re absolutely justified. Your husband can control what *he* does and he has done quite a bit to hurt you. He has:
1. Not effectively defended you or put up hard boundaries between his brother and you.
2. Put you both in a position where you’re beholden to one of your sexual assaulters. Seriously, he couldn’t find anyone else in the family to help you guys out?
3. Shared confidential and sensitive information about you to one of your assaulters without your permission.
You’ve been through a lot and if you’re going to be married then you deserve to have a husband who can keep you safe and not make things worse.
Be angry. You have that right and more.
Feelings are feelings. Weather they are justifies or not is up to you.
I cann see why your husband would want to share the tramatic event with someone. For alot of men protecting your wife is their responsability. So feelings of being failure and what could I do to be better are normal. Also even asking advice from people you believe you can trust would be normal as well.
I think an issue would be why would he trust his brother with this when his brother has shown a lack of character.
I beleive being upset is ok and normal. I would look for away to express how you feel. In a way that will better the situation.
Maybe, express how when you shared your story with him you felt xyz. But finding out that he shared that with someone who previously assaulted you and now used that as ammo to hurt you makes you feel xyz. And you would like in the future that he talk to you first about who he shares that with or even ask that he does not share that. Also it is an oppotunity to share how when the event when brother sexually assulted you it made you feel xyz. You need him to create an environment where you feel safe and would like him to do xyz in the future.
I do not think that your husband meant for his brother to hurt you. I think he made a bad decison on who he could trust and you were hurt in the process.
You are justified. My husband never would have told his brothers that. But if one found out and said something like that, my husband would lay into him and then permanently cut him out of our lives forever.
Your husband is as big an asshole as his brother.
You deserve better.
>Am I justified in this, or should I let it go since he can’t control what his brother does.
Can you rely on professional help to sort this out? I get that you want validation, but a long-term solution isn’t strangers telling you that you’re right. It isn’t your husband’s story to tell. However, maybe he needed support and turned to his brother (who is an awful jerk)? Before, reddit tells you to divorce your husband or leave him, address this in your next therapy session.
Who is your brother supposed to confide in? He likewise is a part victim in your assault. He chose poorly who to confide in.