Throwaway because family follows my other account
I’ve never liked stuff that’s considered “cool.” This isn’t one of those I’m not like the Other Girls kinda posts. It’s just true- in high school I was more with the music and theater nerds than the jocks and cool kids. Same with college. Idk if it’s a vibe I put off or if it truly is the stuff I like. But now my husband consistently tells me how uncool/lame my interests are. My favorite movies, music, tv shows…it’s all super lame. And it’s: Why don’t you like this kind of movie? Why don’t you try something new and you might like it? Don’t listen to your music in the car all the time, that’s what the kids will like when they grow up (keep in mind, this music is usually very tame, few cuss words if any, it’s generally kid friendly music)
He also thinks it’s ridiculous that I like to watch the same shows and stuff over and over. I do watch new things, but I do have my comfort shows too, but I feel like a lot of people have that. But like we’ve had legitimate arguments over this, where he’ll actually get upset that I’m still watching the same stupid stuff over again. I even try to hide it when I’m watching something I know he knows I’ve seen more than once or twice. Just to avoid an argument.
Why does he do this? I feel so frustrated like I can’t even live the way I want in my own home. If I wanna watch Friends all the way through for the fiftieth time, I should be able to do that in my house! I’m considering just only watching new things or maybe just reading in my spare time, just to stop the arguing over it. I try to let it go or laugh it off, but it being so often is really wearing on me. How should I handle this?
26 comments
Omg! My ex was the exact same way! Sadly I did give up a lot of myself and my interests just to not annoy him. But he always found something, and still brought it up. He was also quite disgusted with me for caving and admitting that I dont love all his crap either. I simply wasnt shoving it in his face all the time. (He did the same with the children. They werent “cool enough”).
I dont know what it is honestly. Some people just wind up believing, for whatever reason, that their spouse is an extension of themselves. Not their own person anymore. All I know for sure is we are (children and I), far happier living our lives away from that attitude.
We are divorcing so I have no advice. But you have my sympathy. It wears on you and the relationship over time.
Watch what you want to watch. Ignore him.
He needs to mind his own business and focus on his own hobbies instead of shitting on yours. There are some hobbies that I like and my husband doesn’t and vice-versa, but neither of us force each other to like or engage in said hobbies, nor do we ridicule each other over our said likes.
When did this nitpicking happen? Was he always like this?
Your husband sounds very immature and controlling. Have a talk with him and tell him what you are doing is not harming anyone however the way he treats you is harming you. Maybe he thinks he’s being funny.
Okay when I read this title I thought it was about something very different….
Do you guys have any interests you share at all? Obviously he is being inappropriate and handling this very poorly, but I could see a lack of common interests being a strain on a marriage.
My wife and I have shows we watch and rewatch together.
Then, we have shows/movies that we watch/rewatch on our own. And those lists are really different.
But I totally respect hers and show interest, and she does the same.
Not cool that he bags on your stuff.
Just out of curiosity… What is your go-to rewatch show that he complains about?
He should tend to his own garden.
That’s super rude behavior on his part. I’m sorry he’s acting like a child
I was scared this was literally going to be about shit.
have you read anything from John Gottmans work? he talks about the “four horsemen of the apocalypse” in terms of marriage and you’re experiencing criticism and contempt. this video from the Gottman Institute has some helpful info
https://www.gottman.com/blog/the-four-horsemen-recognizing-criticism-contempt-defensiveness-and-stonewalling/
Does he still love you? If he does, you need to talk things out. Tell him this is really getting to you.
Listen, your husband should support the things that bring you joy and happiness. However redundant it may seem to him, or how boring, or annoying-so long as it doesn’t harm him, he should appreciate you feeling comfort, joy, whatever.
I’m know this. Because I’ve done the same thing to my husband and football. I don’t think it’s football that gets me so much as what the NFL tolerates that oooo grinds my gears. But he brought up, I don’t know, two weeks ago how I don’t let him enjoy football- something that brings him joy and (I never realized this part, but I respect and apologized for it) that every year, on the first game, there’s a fight that I start. I felt really awful and still do. I didn’t realize how I felt and how my lack of support in something that brought him joy brought him down. That’s not fair. That’s not okay. I didn’t give him the chance to just enjoy it.
That doesn’t mean that I have to like it, but I need to support things that make him happy and allow him the space to enjoy it. My negative feelings don’t trump his love for something that’s just so… reasonable? Why wouldn’t I want to allow him such a simple, but meaningful joy? He just wants to partake in a passion.
Sorry to kind of ramble on that story, but I’m portraying how bad your partner should feel for not letting you just relax and watch something on tv that you know you find comfort in because that’s what you needed, comfort. You work hard, you’re probably going through shit because who isn’t, you’re tired, maybe cranky. It’s not a lot to ask for, truly.
It’s pretty common for people to watch shows over and over if they have anxiety. The predictability is comforting.
Overalll it just sounds like he doesn’t like you. I’d probably ask him that directly if it were my husband. Like, you’re always telling me what you don’t like about me, is there anything you actually enjoy about me? No? Then why are we here? Yes? Then why do you constantly belittle me?
My husband isn’t a fan of Friends, yet he can quite episodes because he hears them so much 😂
That stuff is you. He knew this before he married you. Tell him to back off.
I could not live without some movies. I love anything from 1939 to about 1950. These are like comfort food for me but to others I know there’s something wrong with me because I’d rather that than new movies.
Treat him like he treats you..
Give him a dose if his own .then ask him how he likes it.
Its a shame he does that and even worse for you to lay down and actually considering to give in to his shit talking.
Woman..you are better than that.
Sounds more about him monopolizing your time than what you’re actually watching
I like what I like and my husband can kick rocks with his opinion. I’m obsessed with Outlander and Lana del rey. I will not stop. He likes opposite things but who cares? I’d ask the husband “do you want to date yourself?”
After reading a Reddit post this morning about a wife who peed in her husband’s food when she was upset at him. Then I see this and think really more bodily fluids people can’t keep in. Hahaha. You just never know what you are going to find on here. Glad he actually isn’t shitting on your stuff.
My husband gets annoyed when I watch stupid reality show. The dumber the better. I laugh and don’t feel stressed. He like to watch repeated show. All the time. It annoys me. Cause we don’t pay for streaming to watch the same show over and over again. But now we just watch what we can agree on together. Then he watches his repeats show when he is alone and I watch my dumb reality show when I’m alone. Seems to work out great. And when he bugs me about my shows I tell him he doesn’t have to understand why I watch them just like I don’t understand why he watches the same thing over and over again. Or for some men sports. I do not know how they can sit there for hours watching that. My husband is not one of those sport tv watching guys. But no different then you watching a show on repeat.
Been married to my husband 6 years this year, together for about 9.
I’ve literally watched Avatar the Last Airbender probably over 100 times. My personal comfort show and sometimes the only thing I can focus on.
Not once had he shamed me for watching it over and over. Not once he said it was stupid, not once did he shame me. He eventually watched it with me after I begged him to. Is he into it as much as I am? No. and that’s fine. He’s *really* into his work of locksmithing. It’s pretty cool, but doesn’t interest me. If he wants to watch something with me, he’ll kindly ask “hey, can we put something else on please?” And I do!
Your husband is being a fucking dick.
My husband is like this. He is into Marvel and comics and gaming. I’m into whatever, as long as it’s fun. But my main thing is exploring the city, beaches, walk trails, anything outdoors. I enjoy binging various shows, reading, watching movies. I love horror, sci-fi. He talks down on it. Calls my shows/movies lame. Doesn’t show interest in what I’m into. We’ve never been on a walk trail. We used to go to beach rarely together but he is ready to leave after an hour. I usually do my own thing. I enjoy the Marvel films/shows though.
Throughout my time dating anyone, every guy has been into Marvel/gaming/comics. I now realize why I’m drawn to this type (dad deployed ALOT so I’m very secure with being with a homebody). But now I’m not sure if that’s what I want. I want to live with someone. I don’t want to always look uncool in their eyes. We live separately even though we are together. Because he shows no interest/respect for what I’m into.
Definitely talk with him about it. I’ll be having a discussion today. I just had a baby, our first, 6 months ago. I’ve felt alone because he hides out in his man cave. Another game released recently. My family visited over the weekend, and we finally took baby out! Had fun. He stayed in, living life through the photos I send. It felt good to watch movies with my family. And not alone. He thinks it’s silly that I want to watch the new Avatar.
Honestly you sound like me and you sound neurodivergent. And your husband sounds like a dick.
You enjoy your stuff and tell him to mind his own business and ask him to attend couples counselling with you. Because honestly I couldn’t deal with that long term.
Also high five to friends rewatching. I have watched it from start to finish at least 50 times if not more lol. Husband and I watch it together. Hell my child (toddler) is settled by the Friends theme song, because I watched it so much when I was pregnant 😆😆
Did your husband marry you for you, or for who he wants you to be?
My wife watches the same stuff over and over. I know the dialogue to every Friends and Gilmore Girls episode, and hate those shows. She listens to different music than me, mainly the same crap on repeat on the radio station. No spotify, no pandora, nothing new.
Whatever, its who she is and who I married and I love her for it.
Don’t lose yourself.
Love what you love and stand your ground, and if he doesn’t like it, he can walk out the door.
maybe ask him what is it about you that he DOES LIKE. not things you do for others, not things you do for him, but you and your personality. And ask him why he thinks it’s ok to put you down constantly instead of love and accept you for who you are. his behavior is toxic and he needs a reality check. his hobbies and shows probably aren’t that interesting either, but I find a lot of men hide behind this thinly veiled misogyny of shitting on women’s hobbies because they’re not ‘cool’ (read masculine) enough.
Is he controlling in other areas of your life?