I love my brother. We have a good relationship and we’re both supportive of each other. Growing up, we would fight and I would treat him like shit sometimes as I would project a lot of my frustrations on him when I was in high school. But now that we’re both older and mature, we have a good relationship.
But man, I am just so jealous of him to the point of envy. He is so much cooler, more social and charismatic, and has a much better dating and social life than I ever did. He is 5’10 and I’m 5’7 – but I’d say we both have nice features and it’s up to preference at that point.
Yet, he pulls women so much better than I ever did. He is in college now and he shows me the girls he is hooking up with – and these are girls so beautiful I never would have had the balls to talk to at his age. I ended up losing my virginity at 21 and it was with a girl who emotionally abused me in my first ever relationship. I feel so much jealousy knowing I’ll never be able to have such an active sexual life the way he does. Nor an active social life for that matter, as I only have 2 friends that I hang out with. I always see him texting friends or FaceTiming different people, but I’ll be lucky to even get one text message in a day.
There was even a night where we went bar hopping together in Madrid. The night was fun, but ultimately, it was a big hit to my self esteem. I approached a girl to start conversation and she just raised her hand to get me to shut up and walked away. 5 minutes later, she APPROACHES my younger brother and asks for his number, completely ignoring me despite us being the same age and my brother being much younger.
I’ve expressed my jealousy to my brother about all of this. How much I wish I could have the life he does. And how much of a loser I feel when I’m around him. He says that he believes I am attractive and I can pull just as much as he can if I’m confident and take initiative more. The thing is – I do take initiative but I am not successful. He says he looks up to me for my work ethic and success in my career, but the only reason I was able to get where I am was because I never had much of a social life to distract me.
I hate myself so much. I feel so overshadowed by him. And I feel ashamed for being jealous of him, as I really do love him and I am happy for him. But it feels like my self hatred and jealousy is making it hard for me to be a good and supportive brother. And I don’t know what to do. How do I deal with this?
TLDR: My younger brother has a way better social life and dating life than I ever did and I am so jealous of him. I feel so overshadowed. It makes me hate myself so much more – I worry my jealousy and self hatred will prevent me from being a positive older and supportive brother. Any advice?
1 comment
Therapy.
Therapy therapy therapy.