I don’t really know where to start other than to issue a few key details.
*im pregnant with my first and only child with him
*we’re still freshly married after being with each other for 3 years
* when we first started dating he specifically bragged about how he never looked or watched porn because it made him feel weird
Yesterday night I looked through his phone because I felt as if something was off with him the past few weeks. He’s been very secretive with his phone and started gaining habits he’s never had before. Actively putting his phone screen down, quickly checking his messages if we’re in bed, sneaky things that made me feel uncomfortable. Every time I would ask him to be forward he said nothing was going on.
I feel awful that I invaded his privacy but I simply could not rest anymore because my anxiety was eating me alive.
Upon checking his phone I decided to check on here before anything?? And all I was met with are barely legal ‘petite’ girls, posing to be younger, Belle Delphine kind of teen posers. I felt so sick. I woke him up after he had fallen asleep because I couldn’t forget the list of shit I saw. He pleaded and cried that he had never cheated on me but that he just misses me when I work late as well as lied to my face when confronting him. I look nothing like these girls. I’m 5’9 and pregnant. So him saying he missed me and did this felt like a stab to the back.
I didn’t get much out of what I wanted to say other than I just simply don’t feel comfortable if we end up finding out the baby is a girl. I recommend that he speaks to someone professionally about it because there was just so many subreddits involving it.
I told him I didn’t care if he looked at porn… you don’t get a fucking metal for not watching it or claiming you don’t,it’s just WHAT he looked at that bothers and hurts me so much.
I know I’m in the wrong for checking his phone, but I genuinely don’t know what to think. I didn’t really speak to him today aside from having to forcefully be at a theme park today with him and his parents, but all he had said regarding the issue in the morning was that “he’ll fix it”
35 comments
Yeah it’s disgusting. It’s abhorrent that genres like “barely legal” are so popular. Porn in general is revolting and people who watch genres where it’s borderline pedophilia need to take a look at themselves.
Wow okay. First off ignore the degenerates that are going to pop up in the comments most likely…
Second.. I don’t blame you at all for being upset. I’d lose my shit too. You’re right porn is one thing but specific genres are .. sickening to say the least. The fact that he was being sneaky and trying to hide this from you shows he knew he was doing something wrong. But why start now?
Maybe you’ll want to maybe you won’t, but have a sit down talk with him, and both agree to be calm and adult about this. It sounds like there’s an actual porn addiction going on here not just the questionable genre, especially if you’re catching him as often as you’re saying. I think not only counseling for him but couples counseling would be a good idea as well. You lost a significant amount of trust in someone you thought you knew, that’s going to be hard to gain back even with him going to counseling… if you don’t want to attempt to work this out I wouldn’t blame you however I think it would be worth a shot to try to a little more truth out of this and or try counseling first… I’m sorry OP, I hope it really isn’t as bad as it seems right now
Belle Delphine is 23, your husband is 24. I get that you’re freaking out, but maybe it’s more about stress, pregnancy, life, etc…?
I think it was wrong of him to lie about porn, and it was wrong of you to assume the worst about him. (Sometimes a duck is just a duck.
He was looking at porn. So does like 80% of the human race.) You need to build trust, and that means he needs to be open and forthcoming and you need to be nonjudgmental, so that an honest dialogue can occur.
>He pleaded and cried that he had never cheated on me but that he just misses me when I work late as well as lied to my face when confronting him.
See how quickly he managed to turn this around and make it your fault?
You worked late, so he simply had no choice. This guy is a loser.
You only looked because he was tossing some red flags. That’s on him not on you.
Don’t let him turn this around on you. He can’t be away from you for a few hours so he has to search out “barely legal” porn to pleasure himself with? Nope. That’s all him and his sick mind.
Wait so a young man watched a young legal aged woman’s video and you want him to go to therapy?
When someone makes a point of bragging about how they never watch porn….spoiler alert, they watch porn.
Generalizing his porn habit to your (potential) child is warped in my view. Whether porn is a hard boundary for you is another discussion. It sounds like you haven’t mentioned that. How often do you have sex? Masturbation is okay just because his porn doesn’t resemble you doesn’t mean that he’s not attracted to you or miss you.
People who say the loudest that they don’t do something are usually the people who do what they proclaim not to do!!!
A lot of these comments like “it’s all ok” “respect his privacy” obviously have never been on the surviving infidelity sub. Take out the porn aspect, his change in behavior, possessiveness of his phone, messaging in bed, screen face down, new suspicious behavior…yeah those are all red flags. Add in the lying about porn and keeping it from you, another red flag. Blame shifting that it’s your fault you’re not there to fill his needs? Another red flag. Good luck, OP.
I get that you find the infantilization of women very off-putting, it is definitely a “kink” that gives most women I know the ick. Even if its not illegal it is still kind of odd and creepy.
Where I really start to dislike the guy is because he lied about it in the first place and then used a bullshit excuse when you confronted him. Like you don’t look at that kind of content because you “miss your wife so much when she works late” but because you are just into it. It is definitely a red flag when you go to such lenghts to hide it and I think it is valid that you are worried about it.
Bell Delphine is a legal adult.
People have different values and ethics regarding porn and that is something to work out.
But Bell Delphine is an adult. Freaking out and calling her a girl and implying she is underage when she is a legal adult and only a year younger than your husband is not only absurd but it undermines any legitimate issue you may have with pornography.
Telling your husband that he will rape his own child because he looked at a 23 year old woman’s naked body is going way too far and I think you need to check yourself.
Here come all the men making excusing on why watching women pretend to be young teens or little girls in porn is so normal and totally not strange at all
Post from 2 years ago from you, promoting your only fans. So you’re totally fine with making porn, but god forbid your husband looks at someone else’s. Not to mention, when you were making porn, you were his age, and only a year older then Belle. Hmmmmm.
What a guy watches on a porn site and what he wants in real life can be wildly different things.
Get over it
Saw the promotion for your only fans in your profile. So you can make porn but your man can’t watch it? Kinda confused here.
You are overreacting imo. He’s not 40 years old, he’s 24. At most there is a 6 year age gap between him and the pornstars. Plus that’s the most general porn marketed. Shocker young guys jerks off to young girls online while wife is pregnant. He shouldn’t be lying or hiding it though but it’s not exactly something everyone wants to talk about. Especially with this attitude you have about it.
A lot of these responses tell me that they’ve never watched “barely legal” porn.
Spoiler alert: They do not act like underage teenagers. The closest is “I just got home from college, Step Dad”
The man is 24 looking at women who are around his age, dressing in revealing outfits.
I would hate to see the discussion around here if ageplay was discussed.
My boyfriend said he NEVER watched porn. Guess who ended up having a debilitating porn addiction.
Just because a dude watches barely legal porn doesn’t mean he is going to rape his own daughter. Attraction is purely physical and biological, and for the vast majority of people doesn’t happen towards their family members, let alone offspring.
Also, don’t trust a guy who says he never watches porn. The vast majority do, and if they brag about not watching it chances are they are making shit up.
>I look nothing like these girls. I’m 5’9 and pregnant. So him saying he missed me and did this felt like a stab to the back.
This seems like it’s the majority of the problem. You’re hormonal and seem insecure. You’re gaining weight, tall and older than your spouse.
Your husband clearly has problems with communication and what ever else, but I think your reaction is a bit extreme and dramatic. Like he can miss you and still watch porn… it’s like you’re claiming he’s lying about everything because he lied about one thing. And is it really even a lie? If the porn watching started after the pregnancy then when he told that to you it *was* true. Right?
It feels like you’re more upset and angry than concerned. It’s really fucked up to say you don’t feel comfortable if the baby is a girl… what!? The man that you’re having a child with, that has daily sex with you (a grown woman) and watches porn (of grown women), can’t be a good father to a daughter ? That conclusion you’re drawing is wild.
You promoted your onlyfans 2 years ago. I’m guessing you wear make up and clothing to appear more youthful than you actually are, you may even shave/wax your pubes (this can absolutely be for hygiene but there’s no doubt it also makes you appear younger.) Liking any of these things are fine to do as adults.
If your spouse was watching granny porn or interracial (or women that are a different race than you), etc would you have reacted the same way ?
Don’t get wrapped around the axle. It’s just porn. Men look at porn. If it bothers you, tell him how it makes you feel. If he doesn’t respect that and change…seek therapy
So…just so I’m understanding…you want him…a 24 year old man to go to counseling for looking at porn involving 18 year old girls? Cause…um…that seems like normal for a dude and your reaction feels…ridiculous?
Stupid thing about which to get bent out of shape.
Not sure I would be able to forgive him even though it was porn that has me thinking something else.
I think it’s clear by the comments that guys think it’s normal and girls think it’s disgusting. I think it will stand that way till the end of time.
I think you’re putting a great deal of meaning behind this, far more than your husband. You’re making the porn about you when it has nothing to do with you. He’s not watching it “because of you”. He’s not watching it because he’s unhappy with you.
Additionally, a human being is allowed to have a variety of tastes (in terms of attraction). It’s also important to remember that porn is a fantasy and entertainment. Your husband is *NOT* looking at you and wishing you were someone else. The bigger deal you make this, the bigger of a wedge you will drive between your husband and your marriage. He’s not doing anything illegal or nefarious, so my advise to you is to accept him and not be judgemental about it. I suggest you consider finding porn you like and the two of you can take turns showing each other different things you’re into and have some quality sex during these moments.
In your marriage, you and your husband have opportunities every day to learn about eachother and grow. If you make a mountain out of a mole hill, you *could* be responsible for seeding the marriage with toxin. Assuming his porn viewing isn’t overly excessive and he still gets his duties done; if you try to control his behavior with porn, you will be responsible for the resentment he builds inside for you. Resentment doesn’t go away in a person unless the “thing” causing the resentment abates, otherwise it keeps growing. Also, when people harbor resentment, its common to stay with a person for a long time, even after resolutions have been made. Being aware of and managing resentment through communication is one of the most important aspects in marriage–for couples who wish to live happily together.
I recommend you both go to couple’s counseling to work this out.
it’s your fault, you work late!! /s
My ex looked at the same stuff. Barely legal- looked at his search history there was “tween selfie”. Looked at YouTube search/watch history- straight up little girls dancing in underwear and bikinis etc. reported to fbi but isn’t technically CP. :/ sigh. Ruined my relationship with men.
Clearly the fact that he lied is the most important part. Have you heard the expression, “Everyone watches what they can’t do?” That’s one reason a lot of women watch anal and dp videos, things they’d never do irl. Black guys married to black women often like Asian porn, petite girls are super popular in porn because they make the dicks look bigger by comparison. It doesn’t mean he’s not attracted to you or your height. He married you! He wouldn’t be the first guy to turn to porn when sex slows down due to pregnancy (if that’s happening).
Looking through another adults phone is definitely NOT HEALTHY! It’s not your child. Not acceptable at all! Controlling and manipulative! Him watching porn got your goat? Barely legal? All of those women were of legal age. The fact that you invaded his privacy is next level disrespectful. So his choice of porn which was legal offended you? What’s MORE offensive? Him looking at porn or you being sneaky and dishonest and SNOOPING THRU someone’s phone!
Hey , you went through his phone and found exactly what you were looking for. Divorce him and break up your family . Over porn . Good job . Now you’ll get spouse support and child support. And he’ll still keep watching porn .
I don’t see what is so weird about it. Just saw Bella’s pics. She looks good. Wears Japanese style cute dresses.
Looks like 22-25 year old to me.
Guys can like multiple body types.
I like tall girls, short girls, slim girls, fit girls, sporty girls, funny girls.
Sorry in advance for my typing as I speak weird dialogue so bear with.
Now I am going to come out of this and say I have been reading these comments and also the post. While I understand for some porn is cheating what people need to understand about it is that (in my case especially) some people don’t use porn as a “let me see hot women get plowed” or vice versa some use it as an outlet of emotion. Example being anger, boredom, loneliness and horny.
Now when comes to the content he watches I also understand as a 26 year old you don’t like him watching barely legal content but most likely he isn’t watching because of the age but because is first page content and if he is searching it specifically if he is looking people at like 18 to 20 that is literally his age group l.
However, I have a theory on why he became secretive about the porn and maybe this might help out a little. You say he always bragged about not watching it. Maybe just maybe he started watching it recently and he became really self conscious about it and felt horrible bc he broke his pride of not watching and didn’t want you to know he failed and have disappointed in him or upset with him.
Just a theory. Anyways just wanted to give my 2 cents
Lastly, when it comes to you doing onlyfans(a take I feel many men agree with) is that it would normally be a red flag for us and before the argument you watch porn what’s wrong with dating one. My argument is that funking a pornstar is great n all but marrying or having child with one is completely different. I believe men and women are different and share different values and such therefore should be treated differently in areas where they differ.
I’ll end with this being mad at something you don’t understand is ok, but punishing someone who themselves already probs felt bad about it is not ok. What someone does to de-escalate is up to them some collect things, some watching stuff, some play games, some exercise, some watch porn and others travel whatever it may be. Don’t judge someone for something that is normal in their realm of thinking.
I would like preface this with if we are talking about actual child porn that is completely different case entirely and without actual evidence to base that notion off of I cannot argue that in mind. As that in itself is a police matter however you coming here suggests its not as severe as that.
Anyways, I went on a rant. Going to go do stuff and I welcome any arguments back to me, I might take a while to respond so I understand your point completely.