my boyfriend and I were gossiping and I was telling him about a girl who slept with a guy, and while telling him the story, I made some hand gestures and facial expressions that could be understood as if I am saying that the boy is hot. however, these were not my intentions at all and I and I was not thinking like that in the first place instead, these gestures and facial expressions we’re because I was so shook the girl had slept with the guy.
I looked him straight up in the eyes, and I swore to him that these were not my intentions, and that he just misunderstood me yet he kept on insisting that it doesn’t make sense to him, and kept saying things like “I am a man of logic, and this can only be understood in one way”. I got so upset and very frustrated that I started crying. The next day I sent him a three minute long voice note of why this was bothering me and I told him “ I understand why you misunderstood me and I’m not mad at you for misunderstanding me, but what I am very sad about is that you are not believing me even after swearing to you.”Yet all of my efforts have gone to waste, because he still does not believe me. he wants us to forget about what happened and move one. he is treating me nicely as if nothing happened, but I still can’t get over the fact that he is not believing me and I don’t think I will settle until he does. Is this a deal breaker? or is it a normal thing to happen between couples? should i treat this as “ its his own perspective of things”
TL;DR! my (f22) boyfriend (m24) is not believing what i have to say after a misunderstanding and its frustrating me
7 comments
Stop wasting your time trying to appease a moron.
Hmm I feel like he is overreacting. Me (21f) and my bf (22m) tell each other when we find other people attractive… Not about people we know, but on TV and random people on the street. But I know not all couples do that.
I find your bf explanation kinda weird/red flag «Im a man of logic etc» because he is not TRYING to understand you. A partner should always try to understand you!
I dont know how long you have been together for, but personally I would leave. Because I need a partner thats willing to try to understand my point:)
Also I find it weird he is reacting on your hand gestures, it was just a story..
He’s dropping it and so should you
I feel like the problem here is that you explained yourself and your boyfriend doesn’t believe you which isn’t that far fetched to feel like he doesn’t trust what you say. And if it’s over something small, then what happens when it’s “bigger.” He can probably compartmentalize and thinks it’s just this one issue which is why he’s able to drop it but you probably don’t feel good not being “trusted.”
The whole point in clearing up misunderstandings is to see where the other person is coming from. You don’t have “agree” with it or behave how they would. Going forward he could know that when you make those “gestures” he could understand what YOU MEAN, not what HE THINKS. Or you could just use different gestures, be more direct, etc.
Dating sometimes means having to learn new perspectives or meanings behind things. And no, it doesn’t feel good when someone we are in a relationship with can’t/won’t see our perspective, or if they do listen, they just won’t believe us.
For instance, even if he didn’t agree with it but believed you I bet this wouldn’t have even been an issue. “Hmmm, I hear you out. I’m having a hard time seeing it that way because I believe it only means this but I am going to believe you meant what you said.”
But he basically said he doesn’t believe you and just wants you to drop it? Yeah, that’s gonna be a no from me. That’s the equivalent of sweeping issues under the rug. He’s yet again not seeing your perspective (despite him using logic and wanting to move past) that this really bothers you and it needs to be talked about.
As far a deal breaker? In general, does he usually listen and understand you? Or is this just one misunderstanding in a line up of them where he constantly doesn’t “believe” you. You haven’t said how long you’ve been dating. A relationship isn’t going to be very successful if two people can’t see each other’s point of view and find common ground.
I don’t understand what the issue is even if you were indicating he was hot frankly. The fact that he refused to believe you about something so harmless is not a good sign.
Let this guy go. “Man of logic”, wtf kinda bullshit is that? Sounds like he’s looking for “misunderstandings” to beat you down with so he has the upper hand in your relationship dynamic.
>“I am a man of logic, and this can only be understood in one way”.
This is so fucking classic “logic boy”, believing their opinion is the “logical” one simply because they hold it, and they personally value being “logical” in an outsized way. In reality he’s a man of irrational fixation on his own perspective. Don’t fall for it.
There are so many people in the world like this. My life is happier because I pity them and avoid them.