What do you look for in a girl before considering marriage?

21 comments

  1. high values

    feminine, traditional, stay at home type and cooks clean while i bring the high value male /sarcasm

  2. Hmmm, for me the most important one is loyalty. Marriage is both a massive symbolic and legal event, so I would want to know for certain we would be loyal to each other before we would take such a big step.

  3. I can answer that with someone who is compatible on life goals, sexually compatible, interesting, smart, motivated to grow, wants the same things in life as me, fun to hang out with, makes me a better person, good with money, kind.

    But, I need to also ask the same thing of myself. Am I that?

    And, these things all become worthless if both people’s flaws are incompatible. I had the above things. But my ex and I were still not compatible at all. When she got stressed or upset, I emotionally hid. When I got stressed or upset, she got demanding. It became incredibly toxic. Add in post partum depression and it turned truly dark. The abuse became a trifecta of verbal, emotional, and physical abuse that left me so damaged that years of therapy still has me unwilling to be in a serious relationship years after divorce.

    So, in thinking about what you look for, don’t just look at the how you do well together on good days. Look how you do well together on bad days.

  4. I’ve spent a lot of time recently thinking about this; and validating my working hypotheses using my wife and me as an example.

    It helps to understand that our Behaviors (Words & Actions) are just the visible portion of the “Iceberg” of who we are as a person. Under the surface, we have Attitudes & Perspectives that predispose us to those Behaviors. And way down deep are our Beliefs & Values.

    I’m increasingly convinced – based on reading books like “The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work” and “The Meaning of Marriage” and “Conflicted: How Productive Disagreements Lead to Better Outcomes” – that **most marriage difficulties are the result of people going back-and-forth about Behaviors without ever taking the time to reflect, communicate, and empathize about the Beliefs & Values that are the root cause of those behaviors**.

    I’m working on what my wife calls a “Cosmo-style quiz” that couples can take to gauge the extent to which they have compatible Beliefs & Values that are relevant to marriage and family life.

    I’ll DM you (and anyone who is interested) a link to it [still in beta].

  5. Religious(Christian), agreeableness, feminine, athletic and healthy habits, and loyalty

  6. For a long term relationship – mentally & physically healthy, a few common hobbies, cooperative, able to sustain herself without people funding her or sex work, no/reasonable amount of debt

    Marriage is a dead meme imo only kept on the machines because industries can make profits from it. Ultimately a relationship shouldn’t really change much by marriage. A vow should hold enough weight even without a priest or lawyer with a contract standing there to bare witness to it. But hey, whatever floats your boat (though looking at the numbers most of em seem to sink these days)

  8. I posted this in another questions about green flags in women, but it seems to fit here also:

    Can participate in a conversation.

    Shows the ability to think of others.

    Is her own person and doesn’t loose herself in a relationship.

    Sees life as an adventure.

    Curious mind.

    Handles adversity well.

    Likes to hold hands, snuggling, and other non-sexual intimate physical things.

    Shows and gives trust.

    Shows she wants me to be happy, not use me to make her happy.

    The only addition to the above list that I would say I look for in a woman before considering marriage is I’m always learning and growing around her and she’s doing the same around me. I want to always build each other stronger, both individually and as a couple.

  9. A pre-nup.

    Also low body count. It’s a very good indicator of fidelity. Someone who has only had 3 previous partners and was in long term relationships. Someone who has 30-50 + and has 20+ ex boyfriends is a haaaaaard pass.

  11. I wouldn’t think about marriage until after 2 years of her being my girlfriend

  12. Loyalty, sweetness, comfort and caring.

    Coming from a good Family that also has those values is also a good sign.

    Age and fertility is important.

    Looks are important but not everything, a girl who’s pretty but not a knockout can become one with the above.

    Money, wealth and career success don’t matter at all.

  14. let’s just be completely honest fellas

    almost zero women of this generation deserve marriage at all

  16. She is

    -Not clingy, as in, she allows me to have my interests and I’ll let her have hers.

    -Act like a grown up and does not make scenes and arguments out of any little bump in the road. I’m done with those types of women who has to make a scene because I didn’t want to do the same thing she wants to. Instead go “well, okay, but how about this:” and we compromise from there.

    -Dresses well and cares about her appearance. I don’t judge or speak about body features. We change depending on where we are in life and we both grow, get wrinkles and maybe even lose weight sometimes. That’s ok. All I want is that she cares about having clothes that fit her and she feels like a million bucks when we go out, and I want to help her feel like that. But also, she can’t be obese as in health issues.

    -Humor. This is a big one. She has to laugh at my awful jokes no matter how dark they are.

    -Trusty. I need to be able to “take her for granted”. People use it as a bad thing, but me and my current always assume that the other one will be there for eachother and that we will support eachother no matter what. That is what I mean with “take her for granted”.

    A grown up that is relaxed, level headed and acts like a normal person. Also a really weird sense of humor. Chemistry is more important than anything.

  17. Kindness and honesty. If you can’t trust that woman, life is going to be Hel.

  18. emotional stability, financial knowledge and stability, a strong male father figure in her life that she still has a good relationship with, a real career (no influencer type shit), sexual compatibility, and the obvious…she’s gotta be attractive.

  20. When I consider a chick I go through 2 filters.

    First level is she’s gotta be pretty enough, in shape, has some sort of passion, is kind, fun to talk to, and knows how to act in public. This means she’s not a complete nut job or embarrassment.

    Second level is she has a lifestyle that is compatible with mine. She’s loyal, doesn’t and has never engaged in any sex work or excessive social media presence (influencer/thirst trap poster/constant vlogger), no kids, no drug use, no alcohol problems, isn’t a financial liability, and has adult skills like cooking and cleaning. I’ve been noticing the new generation of Americans and Anglos (both men and women) are sorely lacking in this.

    Oh and no extremist political or religious views. I’m fine with dating a moderate Christian or a nominal Muslim but there better not be any compulsion. Christians always say til death do us part so let’s stay together til death and then in the afterlife you’re on your own. I’m probably gonna be in hell with my heathen ancestors.

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