Since I’ve started dating my girlfriend about a month ago, we’ve tried having sex a handful of times. I love eating her out and getting her off in different ways and she has between 2-5 orgasms every time we get together. I’ve had two though and they were both because I was just jacking off beside her. She’s tried giving me head and handjobs but I start to go numb and lose my erection after a while. We’ve tried penetrative sex a couple of times as well, but she has a latex allergy and I can’t find non latex condoms that fit me right so they slip off before we really start having fun. I know it’s making her feel bad about herself because she can’t get me off and I’m starting to feel like it’s not even worth it to keep trying.
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I have no problems getting myself off in all sorts of different ways. When I beat off beside her, it takes me over 20 minutes to finish, but when I’m at home it’s a much more reasonable 5-10. I thought I had death grip so I pretty much only use a masturbator on myself now and I’ve almost entirely been off porn for a few weeks, but it hasn’t helped. I’m not sure what to do.
4 comments
Sounds like some performance anxiety with maybe a side dish of desensitization. Changing up your masturbation habits certainly helps. It happened to me several years ago, I was able to get past it by changing up my usual positions for orgasm. In this case we were in the shower. I was also of a mind that not cumming was okay, as long as she was enjoying herself. It took off enough mental pressure to finally break through.
I have been in your shoes. Mine was a combination of things, SSRIs, desensitization from masturbation, and performance anxiety. Kudos to your girlfriend who is understanding and patient. It will get better.
I went through this with my first girlfriend. I was a very late bloomer, so when i finally started with her, i had been masterbating for like a solid 14 years imagining how it would feel. Part of the problem was letting go enough to have someone else be able to pleasure you, and some was clear desensitization.
I pretty much stopped masturbating and looking at porn. It still took a few weeks until i finally got off and the blue balls i had were no joke. However once it happened, i was off to the races.
Maybe try to only have her touching you and coach her on what works for you.
> I can’t find non latex condoms that fit me right so they slip off before we really start having fun.
This is why you can’t cum from sex.
> She’s tried giving me head and handjobs but I start to go numb and lose my erection after a while.
Not all men can cum from either of these, or maybe she’s just not good at them/not doing them how *you* specifically need.
You most likely don’t have death grip or whatever like everyone else who didn’t actually read the post is saying; try incorporating toys (to use on you), or maybe show her how you masturbate so she can do what you do.