Does anyone feel like they don’t fit in anywhere no what they do/say, and no matter how hard they try?

17 comments

1. I can only speak from my experience but there is two things I’ve noticed that have helped. First is you’re probably doing better than you think. Having an bad experience where you realize people don’t want you around can be a bit traumatic. It made me hyperfixate on my actions and their reactions looking for the issue. Thing is, people notice that and it can make it seem like you’re being diseigenuous or desperate. Try learning meditative breathing to give you something else to focus on and soothe the anxiety. The second thing for me was finding the right people. It can take a long time but try to find activities you enjoy and do them with others. I had a DnD group find me. I went to some a coworkers house and ran a session for a bunch of strangers. They’ve turned into great friends which I’m super grateful for. If you can find people who will speak honestly to you and ask them if there are things you can work on as a person. Progress isn’t nearly as important as not giving up!

2. It doesn’t even matter how hard I try

3. “If you belonged to the world, it would love you as its own. As it is, you do not belong to the world, but I have chosen you out of the world. That is why the world hates you.” John 15:19

4. I’ve felt like this before and the struggle is real

5. It probably doesn’t fit exactly, but this video essay is an extreme example of being rejected by others: [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UaDAzXVycR4](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UaDAzXVycR4)

   Summary: Pro Wrestler Roman Reigns was hated by the audience because he was pushed as a superstar, but didn’t quite have what it takes. He was constantly booed by fans while they should have cheered him, despite putting in the work. This didn’t stop until one day he announced that he is retiring his title because of fighting leukemia. He did recover and now is the superstar of WWE. He is hated even more as a character, but he is also acknowledged as a legend of the sport.

   What I learn from that is that sometimes you are just not liked and it is out of your control. A key thing you can do is to be vulnerable, most people will accept you if you show vulnerability. Lastly, you don’t always have to be liked.

6. There is nothing wrong with you. The older you are, the harder is to find someone that really understands you. It can be super hard, but it just takes time. I promise u will find your group of people, where u fit 🙂

7. I’m in my 30s and this is why I try to live my live peacefully and on my own. I don’t feel bitter. But damn I don’t fit in with any group. Its Unfortunately due to my childhood and lack of socializing that i’m stuck in this mindset. So yeah I feel ya.

8. It’s the trying hard part that is your problem. You do not have a problem of not being good enough, that is a false idea you’ve been conditioned to believe. You are perfectly fine as you are.

   If you stop acting out of fear of judgment and start acting out of something like love or compassion, it will come automatically.

   Making people like you is not about effort or performance, it’s about love and acting independently of fear. Don’t be hard on yourself, be gentle, forgiving and patient with the child inside you who desperately wants to not feel alone. He doesn’t need to be whipped, he needs to be hugged.

   Meditation, done skillfully, helps.

9. thats what alot of people in here struggle with. they cant find people to connect with, and begin to attribute it to themselves. maybe its because of this or that quality about me? nah bro. you either just dont like them, or you arent yourself around them. thats fine bro! idk how old you are, but speaking from personal experience im in college and its tough trying to find people who i can connect with, as most care more about the excitement of the college lifestyle than kindling a long lasting friendship. the right people for you are out there! you just need to keep your mind open and put yourself out there. easier said than done, i know. but think about it. you resonate with what alot of what people say in this subreddit, right? every single one of these people is out there somewhere. all of us! so you need to take initiative.

10. Yes

11. I don’t understand it, I have been in settings where no one knows another (school, college, uni and classes at gym) and I am always just awkwardly there. I can never find someone who wants to be my friend, they either feel sorry for me or they have no one else to hang out with. Don’t have anyone now and it sucks bc I’m too depressed to make friends now.

12. There are a lot of people out there that see on TV that life seemed simpler and more empathetic before the 1960’s and feel they were born in the wrong generation.

    Life is crueler these days. Just don’t give up looking for likeminded people.

13. It feels like the older I get, the more people only care whether or not you have something to offer them. No one’s interested in just shooting the shit or hanging out with someone. Do they need emotional support that you can provide? Can you drive them places they need to go? Do you cook for them or give them presents? Will you elevate their social status or help to advance their career? Can you help them make better connections? Will you sleep with them? I’m sure that I’m being overly cynical, but… I don’t know. I guess adults are usually fairly busy, so maybe it has to be somehow “worth it” to set time and energy aside to get to know a new person. I’ve found it easier to make work friends by bringing in baked goods…

14. Don’t worry to the point that it’s negatively affecting your well-being. It happens to most people. However, there are probably reasons why this is happening, and your job is to figure out what it is. Find the missing puzzle, and piece them out together. This is an alarm system of life telling you that change has to occur and you have to move and take care of it. If you don’t, you either stay the same or worse.

    Someone I know used to get picked on and bullied. Because he was acting nice and friendly all the time, the bullies saw him as easy prey to bullying. They thought that if they bully him, he was not going to defend himself.

    Unbeknownst to the bullies’ expectations, the nice guy was just being nice and friendly to avoid any trouble. He was a man of peace, but he actually had a lot of experience in martial arts that he was smart enough to realize that there was trouble looking in the corner.

    He didn’t want to beat these guys up for belittling him, so instead, he just stopped his behavior towards them. He no longer act nice and friendly, so the bullies felt that the guy also has a dark side that they wouldn’t want to mess with.

    The lesson in this story is if you change your behavior towards other people, chances are they will also change the way they look at you and treat you.

15. Yes. I moved to a different country and started grad school. I was sure these could be my people. Alas, they were not.

16. Same here and it’s beyond me why they don’t like me either I just can’t figure it out.!

17. Yes