So I had recently been texting a guy that I met at a party and as stated in my previous post we had a sexual encounter, after that he started to move distant and wouldn’t respond to me, but eventually he did and we were just talking again but then leading up to today he was just not really engaging in conversation and when I asked him what the deal was at first he was making up excuses but eventually confessed that I was a one night stand to him.
Part of me kind of already knew that was the case but It still hurt to hear considering that he did seem like he was trying to get to know me at one point. Then as-well I feel like I’ve just been used sexually. I feel guilty and shame on myself for what I’ve done and i just want to take it all back but I can’t. I’m not really sure how to recover from this and it’s definitely made me more sexually insecure.
Please could I get some advice on how I should move forward? Thanks
34 comments
He didn’t do anything wrong really. The only way to avoid this situation is to not do one night stands. Things like one night stands and fwb are great in theory but in practice they’re rarely as clean cut.
Did he know about your feelings before your night?
Well you know that’s the kinda stuff you’re going to be dealing with doing one night stands … you chose it so idk 🤷🏻
He’s a douche bag and I’m sorry. That happened to me in high school- we were talking and had a huge crush on him, the gorgeous popular football player and all, and he asked me to come over and I gave him a bj. I was doing it and he criticized me for having a “small mouth.” He came so apparently I did something right, but we never talked after and he told me not to mention it either. I was 14 freshman after just moving across the country. It hurt but I guess the only thing we can do is pick up our boot straps and try to pick up on assholes and their asshole tendencies.
Guys can be shitty 🙁
He technically didn’t do anything wrong. It’s a jerk move to not just come out and say he didn’t want anything more, but keep in mind, he might’ve thought you were ok with nothing more. Sometimes others just don’t think.
In the future, say no to sexual activities happening super quickly unless you’re sure you’re ok with the aftermath being nothing. I’m sorry it happened to you, but you’re not alone. Tons of people have been in your shoes.
Hugs to you.
He isn’t into you. You are hurt because you are into him… It happens. It sucks. You don’t have to regret what happened. It just makes it worse in my opinion. Just accept it. Deal with the feelings and move on. Sigh
Look for mutual enthusiasm, are you enthusiastic about this person? Are they enthusiastic about you? When you have casual sex, you must treat it as a casual encounter, not as a gateway to a relationship. It does hurt when you have a crush and those feelings aren’t returned. It’s not the end of the world though it might feel that way, and it doesn’t mean you’re not good enough or pretty enough or whatever. Shake it off, enjoy all your sexual encounters, be in the moment, but keep perspective. Definitely don’t waste time crying.
i don’t get why people are saying the guy is an asshole, night one stands are kinda common, is not like he confessed to her that he loved her just to get in her pants, if there wasn’t any serious talk leading to a relationship the guy didn’t even think about what was going to happen AFTER the whole deal. Like it sucks for you OP but don’t hold him accountable from something you both agree on, if you didn’t enjoy the experience welp at least you know is not your cup of tea and you can avoid that in the future.
Sensitive people don’t always do well in a hook up culture. I know it’s too hard for me to give mysejf away for only one night, you might be the same. Protect your heart.
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Neither of you did anything wrong; he just doesn’t feel the same way and that’s alright.
You weren’t used. You didn’t tell him how you felt about him before going into it, you didn’t tell him what you wanted or that you had feelings for him. But I do understand why you feel as you do.
You’ve nothing to feel guilty or ashamed of. This is a lesson to be learned: make yourself clear before anything sexual happens. Find out if this is just a fuck for them and if it is, don’t do it.
That was pretty shitty of him considering he knew you were a virgin based off of your previous post (he claimed he was, I kind of doubt it). Whether it should be or not, virginity is important to a lot of people and losing it can be considered a milestone to many.
Outside of that, I believe some details are missing but it seems like you developed this “crush” very fast and allowed things to move very quickly. I don’t blame you, at that age and due to some previous trauma I acted much the same way. However, that does set you up to be hurt a lot, and most of the guys I met at your age (of the same approximate age) were largely interested in only one thing.
Make sure you make your intentions known and understand that they may just be telling you what they think you want to hear.
If they are constantly asking for sex or bringing it up, they are not interested in YOU as a person, just your body. If they actually are trying to engage in shared interests and spending time with you, that sounds much more hopeful.
Regardless, I hope you are able to recover from this emotional hurt quickly and move on. Any guy who is treating you like a ONS isn’t worth the hurt, and is pretty well certainly not hurting over it himself. Best of luck to you.
I’m really sorry you’re going through this :/ You didn’t do anything wrong regardless if you had sex with him or not. There was no possibility of you and him ever being together and you’ll just have to convince your mind that. The version you created in your head of him just doesn’t exist.
A relationship between you and him wasn’t going to work out either. He was never into you like that and no amount of changing yourself/ convincing him would make him the man you wanted him to be. It would feel forced and you don’t wanna go through that.
Trick your mind:) Instead of thinking that you’ve been used, think of it as a fun, sexual encounter.
Use this time to go out and have fun. Take to more guys and go out more on dates as fun. Don’t place your one-night stand on top of the pedestal. Keep your options open so your brain knows that they’re other guys out there.
R/women postingtheirL’s
Be with men together
Stop giving it up so easy. Guys wants what we can’t have
I understand why you feel hurt and it’s going to take a minute but let this be a lesson to you about the boundaries that you have. What you are and are not willing to do. What you are and are not willing to be.
The hurt will fade over time and you will move on, promise.
Unfortunately time is the only cure.
I kinda disagree with the comments here. I don’t think he’s a bad guy or anything but as someone who does engage in casual relationships I always think it’s important to be upfront about ur intentions just to eliminate any confusion, and so no one gets attached or feels lead on. It would be one thing if u guys weren’t talking n had just hooked up, but the fact that y’all were talking, he had the opportunity to say he’s not looking for anything serious. Him being distant and ignoring ur texts was kinda shitty too especially since he knew that was ur first sexual experience. None the less u shouldn’t dwell too much on this, just keep it pushing, ur young. Also I saw in the previous post u mentioned feeling bad about being inexperienced, don’t worry too much about that you’ll find someone who’s willing to be patient when the times right.
Sex done with consensus knowing or unknowing the status of your current relationship at that moment is absolutely a moment which you both have enjoyed …but carrying that relationship should be again by consensus and should be respected mutually and absolutely you are not used anywhere rather give him a attitude of not giving any importance .please take care
never do it again without commitment and never admit to anyone in the future that it happened. especially not men. thats all you can do.
Least you got with a crush while most are on the sidelines
Don’t feel shame if you wanted the sex. Don’t let that happen. What you’re feeling is “played”. Oftentimes in my experience guys will say whatever they need to say to get sex. They will be sweet and caring and “bf stuff” but then have sex and be done. It’s a strategy and it’s okay. You wanted to have sex but you also wanted more. Don’t feel shame about the sex. He oversold himself and you believed it. It’s not your fault. Sex is sex and relationships are relationships. You’re young and you’ll be okay. Move on. If you want a long term partner you’ll inevitably find a few people who are just gonna say all the things you want to hear but not mean it. You did nothing wrong by sleeping with him and I hope it was fun and good. ❤️
His loss and he should be so lucky he was with you. Unfortunately it’s part of the game. Either low EQ or maybe you’re not his type..either way you’re one step closer.to.someone who wants more with you. Be well
Once you’ve test driven the car, what’s the point on buying it?
Hook up culture is about short term gratification, maybe next time try to build a meaningful connections with someone you like instead of just opening your legs.
This is why I dislike hook-up culture :(. It tricks people into thinking that if they have sex with that one person then maybe, just maybe they’ll be together, but it’s never true. If you’re not looking to just hook-up with a person and want more, then don’t do it, it will only make you feel worse.
Hey girl, I’m really sorry to hear that you’re going through this. It’s understandable to feel hurt and confused after discovering that your crush saw your encounter as a one night stand. Remember, though, that your worth isn’t defined by someone else’s actions or how they perceive the situation.
First of all, please don’t blame yourself or feel guilty. What happened was a consensual encounter, and you have nothing to be ashamed of. Sometimes, people’s intentions or feelings can change, and it’s not your fault.
Moving forward, it’s important to focus on self-care and rebuilding your confidence. Surround yourself with supportive friends and loved ones who can offer a listening ear and emotional support. Take time for yourself to process your emotions and heal.
Watch me get downvoted to Dante’s 7th circle for pointing out some life lessons and harsh realities.
1) Manage your expectations. If no talk about any real attraction / relationship occurred besides your perception that he seemed to be wanting to get to know you.., all you should have expected was two people that know each other casually l, had sex. Later in life this will seem trivial. I promise
2) (not saying anyone is either a good person or a bad person ***BUT***
There are lots of bad people, and you will know when someone uses you or doesn’t respect you or anything like that. All of that boy dodging you was probably him just feeling badly and not wanting to have to confront you to come out and say what he said knowing it would hurt you. He sounds like a decent fella and who the hell knows. Maybe down the road ya meet up again maybe not.
***IMPORTANT- RE BAD PEOPLE*** –
If you meet someone and they seem perfect. Every characteristic that you want in a partner, they seem to have or are better than that, Red flag,
If they claim to share every interest that you expressed to them, BIG RED FLAG.
If they mostly listen and even when they do talk, they don’t really tell you anything about them, just RUN. There are people that will harvest your personal life history only to weaponize it and use them against you.
Sounds like he at least cares enough about you to not want to hurt you. Y’all are young, and there will be missteps by all. He learned some shit from this and so did you. That makes it a positive. Chin up. Keep moving forward. And I’ll give you one possible super tip. Show way less interest in him. Don’t ignore just don’t really engage much. He may after a while find you more intriguing and mysterious. He may not.
Young is the age to do silly shit so we can learn from it. Believe me you don’t want to be looking. 50 right in the eyes and not have taken every chance to learn important lessons by doing silly and dumb young people shit. Enjoy your young years and take care of your body / mind / health. If you don’t, the wheels start falling off right around where I am now. 😂
I wish you all the best.
I’ve seen you copy/paste the same response to several people, about how it’s not hookup culture it’s the lies, and how you’re not sensitive. You are clearly sensitive and that’s okay. There’s nothing wrong with that, but lying to yourself about it rather than accepting yourself for who you are and blaming others because you made a bad choice will only hurt you in the long run.
People have given you really great advice here in the comments, and you just keep copy/pasting the same response; you’re not here for advice, you’re here to be validated. People aren’t validating you because he did nothing wrong, but you did by making a bad choice for yourself. That doesn’t make you a bad person or anything, but it is still a mistake. You didn’t listen to your heart and opted for something cheap and meaningless instead of making him build a foundation of trust and love, before becoming intimate. If you give it away cheap and easy, all you will receive is cheapness in return. That’s the lesson here – so next time don’t engage in hookups and date first.
Alternately, you can continue to ignore everyone here and still seek to validate what you already know to be wrong feelings, and just be unhappy for years until you finally accept yourself and what who you are (hopefully before it’s too late).
Lol. You’ll be okay. You’ll find someone else. 🙂
Not sure I’m understanding. Were you their crush or the other way around?
Don’t have sex with anyone until you get to know them better. At least if they walk away, you’ll mostly weed out the ones like him. Not fool proof but better chances of meeting someone who’s on the same page as you
Oh, darling, you slept with someone you like & expected more.
This is a life lesson.
Never do that again.
This happened to me when I was about 22-23 years old. I (a male) was in law school and I met this gorgeous girl from Colorado that was in a different section from me. We went on a few dates, and on my birthday we finally hooked up. We didn’t have sex, but I gave her oral until she came and she spent the night. The next day, I sent her some flowers, I wanted her to know that I liked her and she wasn’t a one-nighter.
PROBLEM was… she got her nut and she ghosted me. We stayed friends, but I had developed feelings for her and I wanted to date her. It really hurt. Lesson was that you can’t control other people, just how you react to it. Keep your chin up, open your heart, but don’t be afraid to pump the brakes and take stock of any situation you are in. Take your time, have fun, but understand you can’t always see eye to eye about sex and dating.