I struggle with keeping conversations going and sometimes even starting them

5 comments

1. Women/gals/girls***

2. Compassionate to your party who might be feeling same way. Feel nothing to lose or gain. Rather try to help each other with full respect so that both of you can focus on the main point for win-win conclusion.

3. I’m sorry that’s happening to you and I get that it’s hard to come back into the dating scene again. The easiest way to start feeling more comfortable with speaking to people is for you to change your mentality that you don’t want to screw up or look silly etc.

   It’s ok to be awkward and it’s ok even if you do come off as silly. Just know that you don’t owe it to anybody you meet to be the perfect bot that only gives correct answers. Guys that are too perfect end up being boring anyway and even if you screw up today, you can always meet someone new tomorrow.

   So just chill, enjoy the night and go chat. Just be like oops and turn it into a funny situation if you screw up. All the best bro.

4. Some ideas:
   * Read books about social skills, best of they include some exercises. (for example:complement a stranger. Small exercises can help you to normalize taking to strangers and any conversation that might happen as during our as an addition to your exercise can create a positive social experience that can help you to feel less nervous in the future.)

   * Get to know yourself better. For example by taking a Myer Briggs Test, 16 personalities, … ( I found that finding out that I am a very introverted person, that I am not the only one who is like that, that my personality has strength too helped me a lot to accept myself, my feeling of awkwardness in social situations and made me brave enough to approach people in ‘my’ way without feeling ashamed of myself.)

   * Attend seminars about social skills. Can be paid ones or some free events. Depending on where you live there might be a group that organizes something, like toastmasters or smaller (talkin’… ) about different topics/seminars. People there usually want to improve their social skills and help others to improve theirs. It is also a very good opportunity to get to know people who understand very well that you feel nervous and respect and support you in improving yourself.

   * Attend courses or interest groups for a topic that interests you. Look for clubs or events or something, choose what appeals to you and go there. The topic of the event will give you good starts for conversations, if a conversation seems to not flow well you can redirect attention to what is happening at the event/next/besides you and even if none of your conversation tries seem to go well you at least learned something from trying, learn something about the topic that interests you or mabe have a chance to overhear others conversations from which you can get ideas for your next try.

   I know that with Corona meeting people did not get easier. But from my own experience I truly think that getting to know yourself, going out there, making mistakes, getting feedback and trying until you feel less nervous is the only way to get less nervous meeting new people (I’m less nervous now, but I definitely don’t like meeting new people, it is just the way I am. I can do some smalltalk now but not much. Some days I will just be the weird girl that asks you an unusual question or share with you a weird thought that is on my mind and you can either find that interesting and get involved with me in a non-small-talk conversation or find me weird and move on – we will both be happier to talk to someone else.)

5. Join local groups you’re interested in (Dance, fitness, book club etc). Then you’ll have lots to talk about because of a shared interest. Have fun too. Get out of your head and be present.