tl;dr Motivated gf wondering if I should call it quits with unmotivated mama’s boy bf? Or just long distance feelings.
I have been dating my bf for almost 3 years now. We are long distance part of the year and near each other the rest of the year. We met our junior year of college in band and got together shortly after we had rough breakups with our ex’s. We’ve been talking about moving in together for the past year but due to leases have yet to do so. While we’ve been together he has barely had a job and I consistently have had jobs (some were shitty on campus jobs. But hey, it was a job in my degree). The job thing has been heavily weighing on me. Recently, I moved across the country for a temporary job and my partner moved back in with his parents. His mom doesn’t like me and I’m not 100% sure why. Maybe because he’s less of a mama’s boy now? But she keeps telling him it’s too soon to move in together…mind you, this woman got married at 24 without moving in with her husband first and only dating 1.5 years. Also, he’s entering his 6th year of undergrad…he dropped out of a university (which he was barely attending his classes at) to switch to a community college. He has stated before that he has no goals, just wants to be a dad. He keeps saying how he wants to marry me. I dont know if I want to have kids. The world is too fucked right now to think about kids and i dont know if i see a future with him when he doesnt seem to have a life outside of me. However, when we’re together things are good. Except he never plans dates. So reddit, I pose the question, should I call it quits, should I wait to see if it’s better when we’re not long distance anymore? Advice? TIA
4 comments
Not looking good, and not a good marriage prospect. I think you should consider calling it quits.
Chronically unemployed by choice. Moved back in with his parents because leeching off of you wasn’t an option. His mother is a future candidate for r/JustNoMIL. Wouldn’t hold my breath on him finishing that degree. Can’t be bothered to contribute to planning any of the limited dates you’re able to go on.
This guy is a nothing sandwich. He’s a black hole that will suck in all the time, effort, and financing you put into him, and give you nothing back. Just because you get along well when you’re together doesn’t make up for the fact that he’s not actually a real partner to you.
All of that plus the incompatibility in your opinions on having children makes for a relationship where you are doomed to be miserable. If you had a child with this man, you’d just be raising two kids, and one of them would never actually grow up. Let his mommy keep him, and find someone who isn’t a pathetic barnacle.
I have definitely heard people say that if you’re considering it in the first place (a breakup), it might be better that way. However I know there are always different circumstances. I hope you have communicated to him that children and marriage are not your priority right now or at least tell him as soon as possible. Let him know that you value someone with goals and aspirations other than being a father. One of the things that helps with healthy relationships is checking in on each other periodically to make sure you’re still growing in a similar direction rather than apart, so just let him know that this is serious for you. Good luck
Let Mommy keep him. As Cathysaurus said, he’s nothing but a black hole absorbing everything from you, and not giving anything back.
If you are an often reader of r/Relationships, you’ll come across many stories where women have married & had children with these men. Now the kids are school age and “The Husband” (after 8 years of no job, not helping with the house or kids) has decided his life is too hard and runs off with the 22 year old waitress from the local bar.
Don’t be one of these women! Find a man with a career, a plan and a soul!