hi, looking for some advice from people who have gone through this experience before. my bf (26) is bi and confessed to me he misses being with men. i’m not sure whether i should let him scratch his itch solo or suggest that i be included (MMF threesome). im just nervous to suggest the wrong thing that will affect our relationship as i have heard of so many threesome horror stories on here.
26 comments
I’d start with just asking him about what he would want. It’s awesome that you’re supportive in some fashion to letting him satisfy the urge. The best way to avoid awkward/uncomfortable threesomes or relationship issues is open discussion
Hey, I know there are a lot of posts about people having bad experiences, but this isn’t one of them.
About a year ago my girlfriend approached me and suggested that we try group play where we fuck other people. She wanted to explore her bi side and thought it would be hot to see me with another woman. Well we’ve been with a few couples now and it’s been a lot of fun. Not always great, but we aren’t resentful or questioning our relationship at all. It definitely can be a positive thing, just be very clear and open about your wants and concerns. Always debrief after an experience and never do something that makes you uncomfortable just to make your partner happy.
My wife is bi. We have great threesomes, she meets with girlfriends, life is good. The most important thing is communication, what does she want, what do I want. In our case, we definitely want to grow old together, but we enjoy sex too much to keep it only for ourselves.
You certainly worry about the fact that he would leave you for another person that he would meet. That is a risk. The other antagonist risk is that he would leave you out of sexual boredom or that frustration is driving a wedge between you. Risk management… and again, communication.
As a side consideration, we both discovered that we have strong compersion feelings, we feel genuinely good knowing or seeing the other having pleasure, with each other or with any other partner.
Sorry… But what’s the difference in this, and me being straight and telling my girlfriend I miss being with other women. When you’re in a relationship you’re commited to that person, doesn’t matter if you’re straight, gay, or bi.
You can’t have your cake and eat it.
Another great subreddit to look at is r/bisexualmen
As a bi guy in a relationship. At times I get what they call bi cycle where my desire to be with guys is really strong other times just normal
My partner always is no1
We do have an open relationship. That goes both ways as she is also bi
Before anything happens we talk about everything and if one of us has a gut feeling about it not happening then that’s ok nothing with anyone else would happen
We don’t “take one for the team “
My partner is amazing. She has even driven me to a men’s sauna So she can hear about what happens
Atm I am needing to be with a guy really bad however my partner has had some health issues recently so I have not done anything with anyone else.
The main thing is keep talking about everything. Use toys and roll play
Talk more again I can not stress that enough and if you do have another guy with you both. Talk more after about everything that happened and what you both liked and didn’t like to learn if you choose to do it again
Make sure after you both have time to be just with each other. For us that’s really important
Remember you all will be nervous. Go in with no expectations and try to relax and enjoy the experience
Good luck if it happens.
Have you tried roleplay? Or certain sex acts that he did with men? (Rimjobs, anal penetration, him being the bottom in the relationship etc.)
Talk to him about it and there might be things you can do to scratch the itch he is feeling. Maybe it’s not men, but the kind of sex he had with them.
If what he’s missing is not something you can do, figure out what boundaries you are comfortable with. Examples of boundaries or conditions could be only sex no relationships, no kissing, no former lovers, you have to be there, you have to be involved, don’t ask don’t tell, he tells you everything, you meet the men first, it can’t be anyone you know. Find out if that overlaps with what he wants.
If he wants something you’re not comfortable with, tell him. Just because he wants this doesn’t mean you have to be comfortable with it. If he wants something you’re not comfortable with, he has to make a tough choice.
He felt comfortable enough to confess, and you’re mature enough to want to find a reasonable solution. Why not just have a conversation with him about it? See what he wants to do and maybe you both can work something out. You sound like a fantastic partner based on this alone.
Threesomes experiences can be very positive or very negative and the full spectrum in between. I think at the end of the day it boils down largely to motivations for doing it and overall feelings on monogamy. Whether its another guy, another girl, or whatever, what you are saying is that you are thinking about opening your relationship on some level. I think it’s also important for you to understand that this itch is likely always going to be there. People have different opinions on that. Obviously, it doesn’t mean that you have to continuously let him scratch it but it’s not gonna just go away.
I’m non monogamous so you can probably guess where I stand but you need to answer it for yourself realistically.
It might be more that he misses the more sexual side of things with men. It’s worth sitting down and talking about what he would get up to with them. It might not solve everything, but If he bottomed, I would wager pegging would definitely help him scratch that itch. I will warn you, if you want a break from thrusting after 2 minutes, and you’ve ever called him on it, you’ll never hear the end of it 😂
Definitely have an open discussion with him. Make sure to set boundaries and rules
As others have said, ask him what he means by that statement. In what way does he miss being with men? Does he miss it in the nostalgic sense like “Oh that was a fun time while it was happening, I remember that.” or does he miss it in an active sense like “I want to do that again because I ache to be with men again.”
I want to seriously ask you some questions though: Do you want to share your partner with other men? Are you comfortable with your boyfriend having a sexual relationship with other men? Is this something you’ve thought about doing before or are you only doing this to make him happy? Are you really emotionally prepared for what this will do to your relationship?
Do not walk into this lightly, getting into this kind of situation is going to change your relationship forever. It’s not just a cute little bonus on top of your preexisting relationship, it is a dark blue dye on a white carpet that will change everything. You both need to be emotionally and psychologically prepared for what that means. If you’re both serious about letting him explore sexual relationships outside your partnership then please prepare for it with counselling. By the sounds of this post, you are not equipped to do this on your own, you’re going to need an external neutral party like a professional counselor to guide you both through this if it’s something you actually want to do.
I just want to put out there that not all threesomes end horribly. It can be very successful and fun for all parties. Being bi adds another dimension to this. You need to talk to him to see if he’s comfortable in that kind of dynamic + whether you’d be comfortable seeing him with a man too.
Bi man here. When he said he missed being with men, did it seem like he wanted to take action or was he simply talking? I’m with my forever partner, who is a man, and sometimes I miss being with women. It’s not something I actually need addressed nor do I want to change anything.
Nothing in your post suggested that your bf wanted to do something. My suggestion is starting there because not all bi people want threesomes and some of us are too monogamous to do solo play with others
My partner is bi. He has always gone more towards women, though. However, he does like men, too.
I peg him to scratch his itch, he loves it, and it is an amazing experience for us both, which I never expected. He has a definite subby side, so he enjoys me taking control.
I am a straight ish lady in a long term committed relationship with a bi man. He has sex with other men and trans women without me there, sometimes I watch, and sometimes we have group play. I am welcome to do whatever I want as well, im just not normally interested in sex with other folks.
It works really well for us but we have a couple of strict rules. 1. Always were protection with no exceptions. 2. Always tell each other, we must have perfect honesty. 3. Always tell the person you are haveing sex with you are in a committed relationship and aren’t available to “date”.
We love each other very much, I 100% trust him. It works for us.
Just to point it out, you dont have to do anything for him to stay with you. You need to determine a few things.
If you want monogamy, you dont need to let him scratch any itch. If the itch is that important to him, then you know hes not into you the way you need your partner to be
If you’re okay with opening up the relationship to let him fuck dudes on the side, or 1 continuous relationship with a single guy, or threesomes, you have to know ahat you’re okay with. Appeasing him is gonna end badly if you dont
And lastly are you trying to appease him to keep him out of desperation? Or is this truly where you’re both just maturely open to allowing sexual experiences like this (would he allow you to scratch an itch for example if you needed a different thing than he can provide sexually for example). Like does he need the intimacy of another man, does he want to dominate another man, can you peg him to get the same sensation, etc.
Theres a lot more that goes into this, and if you guys truly are compatible and mature partners, thinking and talking it through amicably is the best way to approach it. But be prepared that maybe he just isnt what you need from a long term/forever partner as well. I hope you dont end up hurt
Its very simple, take away being bi for a second. He just simply said he wanted to have sex with other people, so it means he wants another person just not you. Here is another, if you are really serious with this guy, the normal reaction would be outrage, would you really want a person wanting other people? but if its just the gen z relationship, then go at it, go wild, but not for 1 second must u think that you could blame it on anyone if u break up.
Ummm adding a 3rd person is something that should never be done how many good RS have been completely and utterly ruined by threesomes. Why people keep trying threesomes while in a relationship is beyond me ….
Now is does your BF miss dick or does he miss the company of a guy… cause if its just dick then a strap-on? Other similar toys might help. If he genuinely misses the company of another man, then that messes with emotions.
Make sure you guys understand each other emotionally make sure that the love he has for you isn’t in some place kept safe, his love has to be there full out.
If he’s missing men on an emotional lvl then damn that’s rough… If sexual then yea sure easy ish
Are YOU okay with an open relationship/threesomes? Make sure you know what you want first. I had a bi boyfriend awhile ago who confessed he missed men but didn’t need anything else since I was only interested in monogamy. He ended up going on Grindr anyway and we broke up shortly after. If exploring threesomes or if him exploring sex with other people doesn’t bother you, you should absolutely try! But if it does make you uncomfortable, don’t force yourself into it. And if it’s still something your boyfriend really wants/needs, you may start to consider your sexual compatibility and what that means for your relationship
Great excuse to fuck other people, don’t you think?
I pray I never have my partner say they’re not satisfied with me and I never being desperate enough to oblige to their outrageous requests.
I’m kind of in the “tough titties for him” camp IF you’re not interested in bringing third parties into your relationship. If you are, then have at it.
I’m straight, but there are things I want to do, or things that I did with ex’s, that my wife is not into at all. But we’re monogamous and I love her completely and would never expect her to let me go scratch those itches with anyone else.
If he wants to be with you, and you’re not comfortable with a threesome or open relationship, he needs to just deal with and realize that relationships sometimes include compromises.
Oh boy… not another one of THESE posts.
Is it much different to being straight and him wanting another woman? I would say not really.
I mean…. Many people in long term relationships miss being with other people in some level- it’s why some people cheat. Being bisexual doesn’t give you a pass and doesn’t mean you have to do something you’re not comfortable with.
I’m bisexual and, if I choose to enter a monogamous relationship, I stick with that. Doing the whole “you can sleep with same sex partners or we’ll have threesomes” just doesn’t end well. If he cannot handle not being with men, he needs to make the decision to not be in a monogamous relationship with a woman.
How are you so at ease with that to the point of making it your responsibility to remedy.
I’m so curious here. If he was straight and said he missed having sex with other women would you be trying to not only get him laid but in a fashion that’s the most enjoyable for him as well.
Like that’s wild. Also to say you miss having sex with other people isn’t the same as suggesting a threesome. One is an individual only focused on their own wants on the outside of the relationship. The other is aimed at the shared experience and that is brought inside the relationship. Two very different dynamics.